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Original poster

Please help me explain to my 9 yr old why he can't play Fortnite even though he does at his DF's

42 replies

Gnarrrly · 13/03/2023 21:42

Does anyone know of any resources aimed specifically for kids about why playing a PEGI 12 isn't a good idea? DS plays Fortnite at his dad's. His dad is a complete Disney dad who's abusive, and does stuff like this to cause trouble. (If I let DS play, I have no doubt he'd be complaining to social services and taking me to court etc. Yes he really is that bad!) Tbh I don't know much about gaming OR Fortnite specifically, but if any posters do, and feel that it doesn't deserve its PEGI 12 rating and actually it would be suitable for a 9 year old, I would be really grateful too.

I don't want to be too critical of DS's dad because that isn't fair on DS. I am saying stuff like it's for 12+, there's a reason for this, you can play when you're 12, maybe when you're 11 but obviously I am getting all the "dad lets me" arguments. And "I only get to play once a week" (he can also play alternate weekends, and half of the holidays when he's with his dad). Plus DS wants to fit in with his peers who do play. It's really important to him to get limited edition skins and these are time-bound.

OP posts:

FiFiWrites · 13/03/2023 21:45

As long as he comes off it and sticks to whatever time limits you agree it's fine. Minecraft is more violent 🤣

Dacadactyl · 13/03/2023 21:48

I'm not a fan of Fortnite. DS is 10 and his behaviour, concentration and listening declines when he has been on it.

We have now said he can have it only for one hour 3 days a week and even that was a compromise. I'd have banned it outright but DH and DS talked me round.

I'd stick to your guns, but he will probably be saying all his mates go on it. In DS class I'd say its half and half between those who ay it and those who don't.

chipsarnie · 13/03/2023 21:49

I wouldn't say it's suitable for anyone under 11. The violence is pretty 'cartoony' and there's no blood but ultimately you're slotting people with machine guns. I can imagine some of the visuals popping up in the odd nightmare too - the outfits the players wear can be quite scary in a halloween sort of way.

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9 year olds Video games

Cosycover · 13/03/2023 21:59

Honestly Fortnite is completely fine for a 9 year old.

Triffid1 · 13/03/2023 22:16

Fortnight for 9 year old is fine I think. But make sure you have rules in place. Ours were always that he couldn't choose fortnite over other activities, family time, chores etc.

Valhalla17 · 13/03/2023 22:21

Fortnite is fine, its only actually age 12 due to the live chat feature. Ds has played it since age 7, his behaviour is fine. We set time limits and he knows to talk to other players in a respectful way. He prefers other games these days, but will play fortnite a few times a month.

RunTowardsTheLight · 13/03/2023 22:23

I think Fortnite is okay for a 9yo. The game itself isn't too bad / violent, it's the addictiveness which can be a problem. So be strict about time limits and he should be fine.

Zola1 · 13/03/2023 22:23

Fortnite fine for a 9 year old, just need rules around it. It isn't graphic or gruesome, my 4 year old plays it (really well actually, he's been able to do the controls since he was 3 😳). Both our boys play it with their Dad and its fine.
The worst that happens from it is when we go to the park they hide behind trees and pretend to shoot each other...but little boys have definitely been doing this since long before Fortnite

WhereAreTheChocButtons · 13/03/2023 22:25

It's fine. Just limit it.

Beachhutnut · 13/03/2023 22:27

My 9 year old knows I am not happy with him playing anything with guns and accepts this.

gogohmm · 13/03/2023 22:30

I think it's fine in small doses for younger ones. It's cartoon violence like Nintendo games

SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 22:33

I think it’s fine 🤷🏻‍♀️ Age ratings are just guidance

parietal · 13/03/2023 22:33

if you don't want him on Fortnite, stick to your rules.

Just tell him, that's the rules in this house. Let him have minecraft instead.

can you get rid of the device that enables Fortnite? Or tell him the internet is broken and only allows some games? Or would he get around that?

Casilero · 13/03/2023 22:35

I know you probably don't want to (I didn't either), but if you've got a child into gaming you might need to research the games a bit more. I'm like you, and have zero interest in computer games, but having had 3 kids, 2 massively into tech and gaming in general, you'll save yourself falling into the pitfalls I fell into if you learn a little about what they're doing. I went from being over zealous and forbidding everything based on age rating (because I didn't understand it), to allowing way too much (because I didn't understand it).

I still find it absolutely tedious. But unfortunately I have to keep up with shit because I can't just disconnect the Internet worldwide. Much as I'd like to. Don't even get me started on TikTok - don't allow that by the way, that's a cesspit, and a nightmare to police (for me). And Instagram - that's just competitive angst.

CrosswordConundrum · 13/03/2023 22:37

parietal · 13/03/2023 22:33

if you don't want him on Fortnite, stick to your rules.

Just tell him, that's the rules in this house. Let him have minecraft instead.

can you get rid of the device that enables Fortnite? Or tell him the internet is broken and only allows some games? Or would he get around that?

^This

Just because other posters are ok with their kids playing it does not mean OP is (for whatever reason) and I wouldn’t be either. I wouldn’t make a big think of it other than these are the rules in my house and your Dad has his. My 10/11 year old doesn’t have a phone and won’t any time soon. Loads of others do. My rules.

End of.

AliceMcK · 13/03/2023 22:42

Both my 8yo and 10yo DDs play Fortnite. I don’t know much about it, DH is the gaming and computer person so I leave it up to him. He is a far stricter parent than me so if he’s happy to let them play then I am. My 10yo has a collection of dolls and figures too.

As others have said the important thing is gaming rules and sticking to them. I’d be telling him you will let him play it once any home work and chores are done but he gets 30mins to start with, if he proves he can stick to the rules you will increase his gaming time. Also I wouldn’t be too literal with timing. It’s hard when in the middle of a round or game to stop dead, that can cause more stress and trouble than sticking to the rules. I usually say, times up finish the round your in, it may take 30secs or 5 min, but they know that once they finish what they are doing times up. It helps to build up a good give and take relationships being that bit flexible.

sunshineandshowers40 · 13/03/2023 22:49

Fortnite is fine at that age, avoid FIFA.

Coolblur · 13/03/2023 22:50

It's not the game that's the problem, it's the obsession with gaming. I think Fortnite is fine for that age to play. But they get so into online gaming with their friends that it can become like an addiction if it's not managed, even in kids as young as yours.
So if I were you I'd let him play it, but with strict, but reasonable limits

tillyoumakeit · 13/03/2023 23:04

Coolblur · 13/03/2023 22:50

Completely agree with this. The game itself is fine for 9yo but I agree it can be hugely addictive and cause problems that way.

I'm glad my two are over it now but I do remember how annoying the height of their obsession was. Might be better to let him play it, get obsessed and then get over it, rather than make it into a big magical forbidden fruit.

Casilero · 13/03/2023 23:18

@CrosswordConundrum

I agree with you completely about the phone. I think the longer you can hold off, the better. My 15 year old is obsessed with her phone, but then I do need her to have it fully charged and upon her because I work away from the home. So it's a double edged sword really. I know some of her friends aren't allowed phones once they're home, and the one's that don't have snapchat, insta etc seem to spend a lot more time on hobbies.

mathanxiety · 13/03/2023 23:20

If you don't want him playing it, make a principled stand.

Tell him you find the guns and shooting unacceptable.

Don't give in if you have qualms about violence. He needs a counterbalance to the message his dad is giving him.

Make sure you provide some alternative for him that's interesting and engaging. Go places together, get him a drum kit, something that doesn't involve guns.

JaniceBattersby · 13/03/2023 23:23

All my children play Fortnite. My youngest is 6 and is brilliant at it. We have some time limits but we’ve never had an issue with them arguing or anything like that. They usually play together as a team.

It’s actually a great game socially as they can set up games with their mates from school and you can block friend requests from people you don’t know.

I quite enjoy playing it myself although I’m rubbish.

We’ve had more issues with FIFA rage than we have with Fortnite tbh.

mathanxiety · 13/03/2023 23:28

I think I should warn you wrt your exH, in the context of the bigger picture here - this is the start of a slippery slope.

Your exH is going to lead you a merry dance all throughout your son's teenage years, just to get under your skin and play cool parent. You need to start practicing your Sorry, Mom Says No speech. You will need it.

Your son needs to start understanding that there are rules at your house that you won't change just because dad allows X or Y or Z. It's really important to start asserting your authority under your own roof.

Original poster

Gnarrrly · 13/03/2023 23:38

Thank you so much for all the responses, really helpful 💐

What is the deal with FIFA? A few people have mentioned it, is it more addictive?

Can you turn off the chat feature of Fortnite?

Is Fortnite worse than say Mario or Minecraft for addictiveness, is there something about it which makes it moreish

I just remembered a few years ago now I think there was loads of news stories about kids being addicted to Fortnite and not going to the toilet because of it. I think it was about Fortnite at least.

DS did like Minecraft but his best friend has migrated to Fortnite (the friend has an older brother) so he is feeling left out. I never got Minecraft but I miss it now 😅 A few of the "cooler" boys in his class also play Fortnite but one of them also plays GTA!

@mathanxiety that is my exact fear, my ex is a really nasty, spiteful man and seems to currently be trying to be the cool parent. He goes through phases where sometimes he is super-strict and other times completely chilled. It is unsettling for DS.

@Casilero I actually saw TikTok for the 1st time when my nephew who is 12 visited this weekend. It is totally insane? DS has not asked to install it thank God. That would be a definitive NO from me. It is really weird!

Thank you everyone!

OP posts:

Talipesmum · 13/03/2023 23:42

Coolblur · 13/03/2023 22:50

Exactly this. Limit it, stop it or pause if if causes bad behaviour- it did become an obsession for one kid I know and his parents had to ban / hugely restrict it, but for all the others including mine it was fine, quite a lot of fun, and age 9-11 is prime age for it. Mine is 12 now and much less interested. He plays fifa or fall guys or minecraft now.

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