Overwhelming fear of ‘if we can all just go round and introduce ourselves’

[Allgoodthings1]

A couple of years ago I found I was developing some sort of social anxiety. I had no idea what it was at first. I just realised I was suddenly finding myself struggling to breathe or speak in really random social situations when I’d been fine before. I’ve managed to get it in control now with medication and went for some therapy. I seem to be out the other side of it but I go to lots of baby/toddler classes or even in work situations I find myself in a room full of people, the organiser says we’ve all to go round and introduce ourselves, say something about ourselves etc and I literally feel like I want to run away. I can feel my heartbeat get faster just anticipating it coming. I went to a new baby class this morning and was delighted to realise we didn’t have to do it but found myself getting really on edge at the start. I think my fear is just it coming to me and me sitting there bright red feeling like my throat has closed up and I’m unable to speak. This has literally never happened so I know it’s ridiculous 🤦🏼‍♀️ Am I the only person who gets this? How can I calm down about this?

No, you're not alone.

However I have no idea how to overcome it. Hoping others will post and have some suggestions.

@MrsColinRobinson i think probably trying not to overthink it or worry about it in advance would kill a lot of the anxiety in the moment but I just can’t help it. I found myself getting ready this morning with that awful feeling of dread 🤦🏼‍♀️ Just to go to it and have a nice time, no one asked me to introduce myself!

I can't stand these kind of intros either. I had about a month of interviews last year as was looking to change roles.

I had introduced myself to sooo many people in different companies by the end of it that I had it nailed it down to an identical 5/6 liner that I now know by heart. Keep it short and sweet, you don't have to give too much away. Odds are most people will forget anyway and if they have any more questions, they'll ask.

You have my utmost sympathy though, I know the sweaty shaky feeling very well 😔

@WinedropsOnMoses thank you, it’s horrible, it’s all just from overthinking it though when realistically I’m going to sit there, say my intro the same as everyone else and no ones going to remember anyone’s or notice I even look nervous 🙄 I’ve made massive steps forward with everything else, for some reason this is still just a sticking point!

Look up anticipatory anxiety, you might find a few self-help pointers.

I had therapy for similar issues, I feel your pain! It’s not trivial or silly, it can cause enormous stress.

I'm the exact same. It's the fear of being put on the spot and worrying I'm going to say something stupid. I can never think of things to say about myself for some reason. My mind just goes blank. I try to think of things beforehand if I'm going somewhere new but that just leads to overthinking. No idea why or what to do about it. I'm sure most people don't actually care what you say but it still happens

I get this at work all the time; my brain panics as if I might forget my name or job title somehow.

Omg this happens to me all the time, I have a team meeting on Friday with 2 new starters which usually starts with the whole team introducing themselves.. I have been dreading it for weeks! I have no problem speaking to people 1 on 1 but I think its the whole everyone looking at me and me panicking I will go bright red with a wobbly voice and people being so confused thinking what the hell, she doesnt usually sound like that and confused that I would be nervous in that situation! I get so worked up before hand which makes it worse! You have my total sympathies!

Rehearsal helps.

Script it. Add 2 interesting things about yourself in case that gets thrown in.

Practise it til it’s automatic.

I could have written your post op. I take anxiety meds, but not all the time, only as and when I know this might happen. It doesn't stop the impending doom, but it does get the physical symptoms under control such as racing heart - which also means I won't hyperventilate.

I have to do lots of presentations at work, and I'm the same with this. What I have found to help, is to have a narrative of exactly what I'm going to say, also volunteering to go first can help, puts you in control and also means it's out the way and you don't get that countdown to your go. But the one thing I have found that really helped is to keep doing it, don't not go to baby groups in ass it happens as it'll just make it 100x worse and you'll miss out on things

Social anxiety isn't that uncommon so no, you definitely aren't the only person who feels this way- albeit I'm sure how severe it is from person to person varies just like anything else.

There is always the option of discussing it with your GP, trying medication or CBT to unpick the cycle.

Short term I find it helpful just to pre-prepare exactly what I'll say if I'm going to be in a situation where that sort of thing will be asked. It isn't ideal and it doesn't stop the dread leading up to it but it does take some of the anxiety out of it because you don't need to think on the spot. I also find it helps to go to the place first if possible and familiarise myself with it, see where I'll be sitting and so on. Probably sounds mad to some people but it does help with the anxiety of it.

Oh this has just reminded me of my first team dinner at a brand new company when my anxiety was in full flow. Despite the fact that there were a good 15 people around one long table, everyone seemed to go quiet at the exact moment a senior manager politely asked me what my hobbies and interests were.

Couldn't remember..a...single...one. Cue the following waffle verbatem...

'.....um.....well,I have two children'.

Cringe. Cue some kind nods and awkward moving on to next topics but was soon forgotten about.Hardly a scandal, though I sweated over my useless reply for days 🤣Had no lasting impact whatsoever.

I think most people feel a bit like this most of the time and it's likely that as you are introducing yourself several other people still to go are not even taking in what you're saying as all they can think about is their turn. So yea, don't be too hard on yourself as evening you stumble a bit no one is going to judge you.

Saying that sometimes we do need to briefly introduce ourselves. Rehearsing is a good shout, could be as simple as -

Work - Hi, I'm tellmewhere and I'm from telesales dept. I'm looking forward to getting some new time management skills > or insert meeting or course objective <

Baby group - Hi I'm tellmewhere and I'm mum to this little handful Daisy > insert child's name <
This one has the bonus of immediately averting attention to your cute offspring

But yes, short and sweet

Bloody hate it, honestly I'm sure it's just a way for the people in charge to torture us 🤣
For the future have something prepared and just roll it off.

I always think of the legally blonde scene where she introduces herself and her dog by saying

I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini vegetarians

Also most people don't even listen and when people say their names etc in baby group I can't even remember what they said so don't worry

When I worked in an office someone christened this "creeping death" . No-one likes it. The best thing is to prepare something & practice it.

This is why it's called "creeping death". Everyone hates it but sometimes just has to be done. I used to feel exactly the same but I've refined it to something I don't even consciously think about any more. No one is really listening anyway.

In a way I think you need to feel a bit confident that you are coping pretty well if it’s mainly the social introductions that are bad for you, as this is a pretty common dread. You might need to watch that this doesn’t take over to stop you going at all, nip it in the bud and just keep going and keep doing it.

I hate these also. I mumble a lot, mainly because of huge social anxiety that I didn’t really recognise all my life. But it’s a muscle, the more introductions you do, the easier it is. It’s definitely worth rehearsing these beforehand and knowing exactly what to say. Also another thing is to try and concentrate on others, everyone else is usually very nervous, and I try to remember names or something about others when they say it.

If your name is short enough, wear the letters as a necklace. Or get it made into a funky little brooch . Then all you need do is point at it and smile.

That small distraction tactic (point and smile) will eventually become so easy and natural you'll find yourself saying your name with no trouble at all.

It is not just you. I hate going round a big circle and introducing myself and more than that if it is a course and at the end they want to to say something you got out of the course. I spend the while time in panic mode trying to think of something and not listening to what others are saying and getting myself in a right state internally.

It's really not unusual! I am an extroverted pretty confident senior leader that has to publicly speak to hundreds regularly, my heart starts to race too in meetings where we need to introduce overselves as my head tries to calculate what to say, and then I will over think what I said after! You'll be thinking about yourself way more than anyone else, everyone else is probably mentally running over what they want to say and not listening very well

I don’t have social anxiety and am perfectly comfortable introducing myself to people one-on-one, but I also absolute hate the ‘let’s all go round and introduce ourselves’.

I hate all eyes being on me, it makes me freeze up and forget my words.

And because I’m in the public sector in NZ, I have to do it in another language, which very much amplifies my stress and anxiety, because I know I will pronounce words wrong, or my intro won’t be long enough and I’ll be judged for it.

Hate it.

Yep, me too. Hate it. It's the lack of control that sets me on edge, the waiting, the anticipation, then the worry also of going red and having a shakey voice.

I don't think I remember a single thing anyone says in these scenarios as I'm so stressed, which sort of defeats the whole point of them.

I go very much on my previous experience of these - so if my last one was bad they get built up in my head for a while to the point where I dread them massively.

One to one and in small groups where I know my stuff I'm generally pretty confident.

Come up with a couple of sentences, and practice saying it out loud. It has to be out loud - I don't know why, but practicing it in your head just isn't the same.

Say it out loud every day while you're waiting for the kettle to boil or something similar, until it automatically trips off your tongue.