Overwhelming fear of ‘if we can all just go round and introduce ourselves’

[Allgoodthings1]

A couple of years ago I found I was developing some sort of social anxiety. I had no idea what it was at first. I just realised I was suddenly finding myself struggling to breathe or speak in really random social situations when I’d been fine before. I’ve managed to get it in control now with medication and went for some therapy. I seem to be out the other side of it but I go to lots of baby/toddler classes or even in work situations I find myself in a room full of people, the organiser says we’ve all to go round and introduce ourselves, say something about ourselves etc and I literally feel like I want to run away. I can feel my heartbeat get faster just anticipating it coming. I went to a new baby class this morning and was delighted to realise we didn’t have to do it but found myself getting really on edge at the start. I think my fear is just it coming to me and me sitting there bright red feeling like my throat has closed up and I’m unable to speak. This has literally never happened so I know it’s ridiculous 🤦🏼‍♀️ Am I the only person who gets this? How can I calm down about this?

I hate it in virtual meetings when the chair doesn't pick who to go next. The worst one I did recently the Chair delightfully told us he wouldn't pick on people and we would need to spontaneously jump in, cue lots of awkward people not knowing what to do 🙄

My work intro is in the front of my notebook. So o always say the same thing - my role is X which means X and I sit with X team.

If my mind goes blank and there's nowhere left to go, I find myself blurting out "I sat on Cliff Richard's lap when I was 8". It was totally innocent but the male sniggering seems to hide the awkward gap. I really need another desperation anecdote to replace it.

I've also noticed that men (and I apologise for this stereotyping) seem to love introducing themselves. I was on a zoom training day with a number of strangers last month and we were told to do a 30 second intro. One man spent a good 10 minutes telling us his detailed career history (despite being entirely irrelevant to the course). No shame whatsoever.

I'm ok.. I can do it - but why, oh why do people put us THROUGH things like this? Is there anyone who thinks 'ooh goodie'?
I find getting other people to talk about themselves works well. Most folk like that, I hate it, so luckily they waffle on & I don't have to share a damn thing about myself!

The going first thing is totally true for me too. I was sitting in the middle today so knew if it happened I’d be half way round, luckily it didn’t and I found myself SO pleased 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s silly because if I was just the one talking I probably wouldn’t have it, but it’s like my body just can’t cope with the build up!

@mamabear715 totally.. I also don’t think it actually lets anyone know anyone’s name because I’ve never once remembered anyone else’s for thinking about my own shot! I was already so nervous on my first day back at work after maternity leave but of course there were new people so we all had to go round and do it. I’d taken beta blockers but still felt my heart rate go through the roof and had to sip my water to try and shock myself out of it 🙈

@dew141 lol at the cliff richard thing 😂 so many questions

@RavenT exactly the same as me, then even if my shot has been I’m still just calming back down from that so don’t even hear the people’s names after me anyway but act like I’m listening 🙈

I think everyone feels the dread when they have to go round and introduce themselves because it's always people that don't know you and you feel pressure to summarise yourself well whilst everyone's also thinking and feeling the same!
I think covid has affected a lot of our confidences, don't worry too much about it and remember someone else will always be more nervous x

I think it's normal to hate doing this!

I had what you described for years. I remember regularly hiding in the toilet to avoid a Monday morning meeting where we all had to go around and introduce ourselves, say what we’d been doing etc. CBT helped massively and now it doesn’t bother me one bit. My only advice would be look into cbt online and try not to worry - people won’t even know your nervous

@Summerbreeze111 bless you.. I find having a really cold drink does help as I sip it when I first feel the anxiety rising and it can get it a bit more under control. I’ve also heard of people putting an elastic band on their wrist to ping to sort of shock themselves out of it. You just need to distract your brain and not let it spiral into a panic attack. I’ve only ever had one at work and luckily it wasn’t at a time that I needed to speak but I have no idea how I’d of coped if it was

I get it, used to suffer agonies over these sorts of things.

My cure was preparing in advance as suggested by PP and years of exposure therapy by continuly having to introduce myself in meetings.

I still managed to cock it up in a meeting today though - managed.to remember my name but went blank about job title 🤣 Honestly,.no one cares, theyre either bored rigid by being in another effing meeting or they're worried about introducing themselves or they're worried about speaking or presenting in the meeting.

This is me. It's horrendous. I'm old now so I hardly ever have to do it now. One of the best things about being older!

As others have said, have something prepared that covers all angles like your name, job, name of child, name of dog.

If they ask for something interesting, you can say "I have a cat called Tabitha" or similar. I suspect if you google icebreakers there will be lots of examples and you can plan a few things you could say if you needed to.

I recently joined a group where it was sprung on us as the meeting started that we had to say something about ourselves (I though it would be a simple "Liese and Mary have joined the group today, welcome Liese and Mary" and that would be it!)

So can I implore people to warn your participants ahead of time f there will be icebreakers or you want people to do an intro.

Oh I hate this.

I just smile and say my name's Elphame and then turn and look at the next person to face the torture.

I wonder if being first would help.

This. It removes the anticipation fear as you already know what you'd say if asked.

Most people are thinking/worried about introducing themselves than noticing your introduction! Helps me to remember that!

So true!

I can so relate as I hate having any attention on me so end up going red like a beetroot if I have to talk in a group. Don’t know where my anxiety / shyness is coming and am desperate to deal with it too.

@CleaningOutMyCloset - if you don’t me asking, which anxiety meds do you take? Have previously tried Propnalol but it gave me the worst migraines.

Meant to write ’Propranolol’

@Diana80 it was propranolol, but I only take 40mg as and when I need it, so not everyday. I used to get headaches when I took it each day, but I rarely get them now

@Diana80 it was propranolol I took as well, I’m pregnant now and having to survive on those chewy anxiety relief things. I don’t even know if they do anything but I feel like now I can’t pop a beta blocker I need to take something to make me feel like I’ve done something about it 🙈