I'm a boring mum/person.

[24o]

I was at a family event today and got asked 'have you got any plans for this weekend?' by someone who asked me the same question last week. And I said no, again.
I only have 4 people I would call close friends and all of them have moved away within the last few years. I'm a stay at home mum with a 1 year old and currently studying online. I hate how lonely and empty my life/calendar is. I've recently pushed myself to join a local toddler group with my daughter and although I can exchange pleasantries with the other mums there, I don't have much in common with any of them; they're older, with multiple children and a lot more money.
I have a few concerts planned with my partner in the summer but other than that I never really do anything. I take my daughter to soft play every now and then and she sees at least 2 cousins regularly (I look after my niece and nephews twice a week). I haven't got my license yet so I can't take my her on any exciting days out unless my partner has the day off.
The woman at the family event was telling me all about her upcoming family holidays and evenings out with friends she has planned and I felt like such a failure. I'm constantly exhausted and alone. Any spare minute from being a mum/aunt that I get, I'm busy trying to catch up with uni.
It's exhausting having so many responsibilities and no social life. I also feel like I'm letting my daughter down because we never have anything fun planned.
Has anyone else been in a similar position?

She has a different life to you that's all. Your life is no less than hers. Studying is hard never mind with a baby, of course you're not going to have the same amount of free time or energy. It doesn't make you a failure. Sounds as though she's just making conversation so why not do the same? Ask her stuff about her plans and tell her about your course or what your little one has done at toddler group. I've got a similar situation in that I've got hobbies but they're not things most people are interested in hearing about so I often feel I don't have much to say.

Go back to work immediately. Or FT study. Being a SAHP suits very few people. Looking after a baby all the time with occasional soft play would make anyone depressed.

I'm also boring, OP, I get it. I dread this question from colleagues as I very rarely do anything at the weekends. No excuses really, as my DCs are teens so I could do whatever I wanted, really (though can't afford to do much) but I tend to waste weekends with long lie-ins, laundry and too much time staring at my phone.

I think few people with a one year old gave a rip roaring social life. And 4 close friends is a lot more than lots of people have.

Not to say you shouldn’t make changes, but don’t beat yourself up, and really try not to compare yourself to other people - comparison really is the thief of joy.

What changes would you like to make, just for you?

Studying counts as a plan for the weekend. Presumably you could talk about your essays, the topics you are learning - that's just as interesting as nights out with friends, arguably more so.

It sounds like it would make you happier to build more of a social life, so carry on reaching out to people. But don't put yourself down, you sound great.

It's a different situation is all. My friend & her DH are abroad on yet another child free holiday, are constantly out for meals and movies etc. Whereas I'm at home almost 24/7. I was adventurous, well travelled & social before kids but am boring now & barely leave the house because we don't have their resources.

We have one income (for now) & no family support or spare money. We're also older than most parents in our regional area so making friends is difficult. By contrast, my friend has a MIL who 'babysits' their DC probably 50% of the time and pays all their bills for them so they don't have the same restrictions we do.

It just is what it is. It'll change soon though as I'm hoping to return to work. I'll be out of the house more, have more money & I think feel much happier and ready to enjoy life more.

This, this and more of this.

Our son is 2 and most of the things he loves to do are free or pretty cheap - they are all simple but just in case it helps for inspiration: trip to the train station to sit on the platform watching trains, trip to a local café (I buy a coffee for me, a croissant for him and take along colouring crayons and a pad), play parks, a walk in the woods near where we live, a trip to our local library, feeding the ducks, riding his bike, baking at home, swimming etc. We also have a couple of annual cards, one to the zoo and one to a kids’s science museum. It is a bit of an expense to begin with but it means you can pop in and out all year without worrying about cost and it doesn’t matter if we need to leave after an hour etc. Also money towards said annual card is an easy birthday present idea. Our social life with friends now involves having people over for breakfast/pastries and coffee!

The above said, you mentioned that you are going to see some concerts in the summer! I am rather jealous!

OR she'll be tired and stressed out. She's already studying, presumably part time and has young DC I think she's doing plenty.

Also working or studying Monday to Friday doesn't help make you more interesting or solve the lack of interesting things on weekends.

If you’re boring op then so am I.

I do nothing most weekends, my kids are teen and young adults now and very rarely want to come out with me these days.

so weekends are usually spent being mums taxi (football and dance) or doing laundry and housework.

occaisonally I may go for a drive with my ds 23

Me and one of my best friends are the complete opposite ends of the spectrum - I go away most weekends, she stays home most weekends. I absolutely do not find her to be a boring person and I love talking to her. We are just different people with different circumstances.

I don’t think you should think about yourself as boring, if your best friend had your lifestyle would you say she was a boring person? You will have stuff to discuss with people who ask what you’ve been/will be doing, just off the top of my head - do you cook or bake anything interesting? What have you been doing with your child/niece and nephew? Seen any good films? Read a good book? What are you studying?

I've been thinking about this more. There's really nothing wrong with being boring. Not everyone wants to seek mental stimulation outside of the home in their downtime. Plenty of people prefer to relax quietly. We don't exist so that we can entertain others with our tales of what we've been doing. So what if our conversation is mostly small talk or current affairs instead? Surely the important part is that you're making the effort to have a conversation

What tosh.

OP, ignore the instruction that you must 'Go back to work immediately'. Some people are defined by their job and sadly cannot find happiness elsewhere.

You don't sound boring to me. You're a mum, presumably running a home, investing in your future by studying and learning to drive, have a partner. There's a lot going on there, pretty amazing. You do sound a bit low though. It doesn't do to compare yourself with other people especially when they ate at different stages in their lives. I bet there are others just like you at the new group who want to meet new people for coffee etc. Keep in touch with your friends, arrange simple get togethers and good luck.

I enjoy quiet weekends and am quite a homely bore. I see nothing wrong with it.

I do slow housework then r n r. It is my way of calming down after a busy working week.

Next time it comes up just joke that your weekends revolve around naps right now, maybe for you too as you’re exhausted from studying! You don’t sound boring, loads of people don’t have the energy or resources to do loads at the weekend. As a PP said, toddler-friendly activities tend to be very slow-paced. Feeding the ducks is a big deal to them! Do your close friends ever come back to visit? Could you make some plans with them for the summer; Park and picnic sort of thing?

I'd answer the weekend question with 'oh not much just trying to rest my brain from study'. They ask 'oh what are you studying?' Cue chance to talk about your studies...I think you have lots to say, and you are doing a lot with your life. Perhaps organise just one social per month (cinema? Pub w a friend?) And one cheap fun trip with DD per month and that would up the social stuff without being overwhelming or expensive?

Fucking hell. Talk about narrow minded.

Newsflash: not everyone is the same (thank goodness!)

Do you really not do anything, even as a family, at the weekend?

Can you arrange to meet up with your friends - for coffee or dinner - if you want to?

I must be boring too. Trying your best not to compare your life with others. It's never apples with apples.

I struggle with this from time to time. I never had friends with babies at the same time as me and some people seem to go everywhere with their 'mum friends' so it can feel very lonely. Soft play on my own was a bit miserable. Have you tried any local toddler groups? I know the majority of them are miserable but I found one with each child that was an absolute life saver. I found the best for me were smaller groups, with no more than 20 kids with a bit of a structure. There will probably be someone there feeling the same way you do.

This this and this thrice more