I don’t know how to make things fair between Dh and I

[Glamourgal1989]

I’m going to try to give you as much details as possible so not to drip feed :

Together 17 years with 2 kids (13 and 15)
Both working full time (me from home)
I earn more than dh and I’m also in charge of most of the kids, house administration. Booking holidays, organising them and paying for the shortfall if we didn’t save enough.

dh is a very lovely man and a great father but I have grown resentful over the last few years because of all the pressure. I don’t think he does enough to help at home, he does do the laundry and feed the dogs and that’s all.

i felt lately that he is taking me for granted, he expect to fork every time we need extra money. We have a family account and I put more in it as I earn more but I’m growing resentful of earning more (my work is physical) and be in charge of what’s for dinner every damn day. I don’t feel appreciated. I have tried to talk to him but he doesn’t seem to get it. I have exploded at him as he has been at home all week and barely helped at all with anything.

And framing this stuff as ‘help’ is silly.

As if it’s really her responsibility and she needs to ask for help if she needs it.

@Suzi888 I did. I told him on Monday but then he laughed because he thought I was joking around. I was not and I don’t know what made him think that. Then we chatted some more and it all escalated some more. I need to be really articulate about I need him to do I get that.

Could you cook dinner on alternative weeks, he does his own laundry, all hoovering or bathroom cleaning or something along those lines.

@DuvetDownn yep I’m doing rotas

We have similar incomes and somewhat similar family situation except we have a third child.

Our solution to the family workload is that we have written a fairly comprehensive list of chores and divided them between the family members including the kids.

I do a lot of the family mental load stuff but DH does all finances which is a pretty mental load kind of job too. We also divide kid chores which obviously are lessening (or at least changing) all the time as the kids get older. There is always back and forth conversations in terms of our daily energy levels which helps too. Communication is key for us. I know when I speak out that my husband will at least try to respond to what I am saying if he didn’t I would feel that we had a big problem.