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Original poster

Can we talk badly about the dead?

38 replies

Yoshithegreen · 10/03/2023 17:45

Started from the celeb thread whether they are nice or not. Comment was Sarah in girls allowed wasn’t nice, something like stuck up and mardy.

A few comments saying you can’t say that as it’s bad taste.

what’s the general consensus can we talk badly if the dead? What if someone was a murderer can you then? Where the line? Or is it never ok?

OP posts:
MrsDoylesDoily · 10/03/2023 17:47

If you actually knew them, rather than repeating sheep-like 'celeb gossip' I think it's fine.

Ditto if they were found guilty of an awful crime.

nurseynursery · 10/03/2023 17:47

I tend to say what I'd say if they were alive. Nothing unnecessarily negative around family/friends of the dead but that's the same as if they were alive. Seems an outdated and totally fake way to live in my opinion.

MrsDoylesDoily · 10/03/2023 17:48

Mind you, that'd be the same for if they were still alive really

ourflagmeansdeath · 10/03/2023 17:48

I saw that just a few minutes ago! And in my opinion it really does depend. Obviously nobody will be perfect and I don't think it's wrong to say they did something bad that was small, but I feel it is unnecessary to dwell on it. Let them rest in peace if it was something that wasn't jail worthy for example.

But if someone's a murderer or rapist I think people can talk about it all they want - they were genuinely horrific and bad people.

In the case of Sarah, I don't think it's wrong to mention she was not a nice person if there is evidence of this but I also just think it's unnecessary if she hasn't actively harmed anyone. Let her rest

pawz · 10/03/2023 17:50

I think there's a line between talking the truth, and being just cruel for the sake of it. Someone dying doesn't nullify the bad things the did during life, just as someone dying doesn't negate the good things they did with their life.

If there's bad things to be said, that can be done - in the right time and place, if needed. My stepfathers mother was a horrible woman alive, and now she's passed that hasn't changed. It's not something we revel in however it's not something we ever hide either. Her dying doesn't mean we forget all of the nasty things she did to us, however we rarely dwell on them too.

I think if you know the person it's different, repeating rumours etc is a bit different.

ourflagmeansdeath · 10/03/2023 17:50

pawz · 10/03/2023 17:50

I think there's a line between talking the truth, and being just cruel for the sake of it. Someone dying doesn't nullify the bad things the did during life, just as someone dying doesn't negate the good things they did with their life.

If there's bad things to be said, that can be done - in the right time and place, if needed. My stepfathers mother was a horrible woman alive, and now she's passed that hasn't changed. It's not something we revel in however it's not something we ever hide either. Her dying doesn't mean we forget all of the nasty things she did to us, however we rarely dwell on them too.

I think if you know the person it's different, repeating rumours etc is a bit different.

Agree with every word of this

Theunamedcat · 10/03/2023 17:51

In our family its all "never speak ill of the dead" but quite frankly if your mean your mean dead or alive

Murraydeservedit · 10/03/2023 17:52

My mum was made to be a saint when she died.

I was only 11 and not that upset as she wasn’t that nice to me. Everyone horrified. 42 years later, people still horrified that I haven’t forgotten and gone along with the saint tripe.

Jux · 10/03/2023 17:55

I never really understand why you can't. Don't give me "bad taste", if it's true or true as you understand it, then why's it in bad taste to say so? Bad taste to say otherwise.

If you want towell spoken of when you're dead then be nice while you're alive.

LlynTegid · 10/03/2023 17:58

In general I think you should focus on the positives, but there are exceptions. Jimmy Savile for example.

HikingforScenery · 10/03/2023 17:59

MrsDoylesDoily · 10/03/2023 17:47

If you actually knew them, rather than repeating sheep-like 'celeb gossip' I think it's fine.

Ditto if they were found guilty of an awful crime.

This sums it up perfectly

WeakAsIAm · 10/03/2023 18:02

I agree if someone behaved bad when alive I don't understand why we need to pretend they were nice.

There's a boy who died a few years ago near where I live, he was a little shite no denying it. Antisocial thief who generally make other peoples lives a misery.

When he died in car accident (uninsured no licence, no doubt driving badly) he was 'a bubbly lad full of character' !!!!!

I've never understood the don't speak bad of the dead line. He was no loss to this world.

Cocobutt · 10/03/2023 18:05

Yes it’s fine if you knew them but it’s disrespectful to their family if you’re just taking part in vicious gossip.

RedDirtWildChild · 10/03/2023 18:07

If it’s true, why not? So many people rewrite history because someone dies. It’s bullshit.

RobinHumphries · 10/03/2023 18:11

Well I’ve never met Hitler but I will still say he was an evil madman

Original poster
Yoshithegreen · 10/03/2023 18:19

I have said it before that everyone who dies in the news is a saint and always bubbly, lovely character etc. I do always wonder how many people knew them and think that’s a load of balls.

OP posts:
BIWI · 10/03/2023 18:22

I can't stand all the saccharine-sweet words used about people when they've died - simply because they've died! I don't think that means you should blurt out your thoughts and feelings about them, though. Just don't say anything!

Schmutter · 10/03/2023 18:23

I think this ‘don’t speak ill of the dead’ is saccharine bullshit.

Sugarfish · 10/03/2023 18:23

I think it depends who you’re talking about them to. I had a horrible uncle who died a few years ago, complete con artist and a bully. I would describe him like that to my friends who didn’t know him but not to my auntie who still misses him.

Northernsouloldies · 10/03/2023 18:24

I'm not talking about Sarah harding. I cannot stand it when a person who was a cunt in life is elevated to sainthood when dead. If you were a cunt in life you're still a cunt in death.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 10/03/2023 18:26

Hitler loved his pet dog 🤷‍♀️

Yesthatismychildsigh · 10/03/2023 18:28

Really though, it’s a very childish statement. Just because someone has shuffled off their mortal coil doesn’t automatically make then nicer. The people that say it always make me think they’re a bit dim and emotionally immature.

Colourinsidethelines · 10/03/2023 18:30

Things don’t cease to be true because someone died.

bellac11 · 10/03/2023 18:31

Yes I saw that thread about celebs and the mention of Sarah Harding. I thought it was odd to say she shouldnt have been mentioned. It was someones reported experience of her.

ScentOfAMemory · 10/03/2023 18:32

Jux · 10/03/2023 17:55

I never really understand why you can't. Don't give me "bad taste", if it's true or true as you understand it, then why's it in bad taste to say so? Bad taste to say otherwise.

If you want towell spoken of when you're dead then be nice while you're alive.

Agree with this.

I saw the other thread and am old and not in the UK so have no idea who the person is that some people are saying wasn't nice and other people are defending because she's dead.

You don't become nice because you're dead.