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Original poster

Would you be annoyed at friend for missing birthday meal?

51 replies

squashpink · 03/03/2023 22:59

I had a birthday meal for my birthday a few nights ago. Booked table, paid deposit per person. One of my close friends and her boyfriend were going to come. Two nights before the meal, friend messaged to say actually they weren’t coming as it was her boyfriend’s birthday the next day, so they were actually going to go for a meal together instead.
Restaurant let us shrink booking without losing deposit for them.

Would you be annoyed?

OP posts:
OrigamiOwls · 03/03/2023 23:01

I wouldn't be too impressed, it's not like they didn't know in advance when the boyfriend's birthday was.

LucyLeave · 03/03/2023 23:03

Nah. People have their own lives and stuff going on.

Leeds2 · 03/03/2023 23:25

Would piss me off. They knew the date of his birthday before they agreed to come to yours.
But, being charitable, she did give you a couple of days notice, and you didn't lose any money because of it.

Toffeeappler · 03/03/2023 23:27

I’d be a bit unimpressed but probably wouldn’t make a thing out of it, unless it was a special birthday or part of a wider pattern of behaviour.

Boosterquery · 03/03/2023 23:30

Yes, I would be a bit annoyed at that.

UsingChangeofName · 03/03/2023 23:41

I'd be annoyed, yes.
As a pp said, it's not like the fact it was his birthday so close was a surprise, when she accepted the original invitation.

TedMullins · 03/03/2023 23:42

Yes, that’s really shitty!

LadyJ2023 · 03/03/2023 23:44

Depends when she got the bf as to wether she knew when his birthday was....Either way tbh I'm rubbish at remembering dates for birthdays etc and half the time it's the day before and my hubby or mum will let me know..I wouldn't be mad, plenty of warning, we all make mistakes about timing.

underneaththeash · 03/03/2023 23:46

Yes - they let you down for no good reason, why would you not be annoyed.

MaryJean87 · 04/03/2023 06:30

I'd be annoyed because she shouldn't have accepted the invitation, knowing they probably wouldn't go. But how long was the birthday meal booked in advance? People sometimes change their mind about stuff and other stuff gets prioritised. I think they still should have gone though even if that was the case.

LlynTegid · 04/03/2023 06:32

I'd be annoyed that when invited, they did not decline straight away. It's not as if they have not known when a birthday is.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/03/2023 06:32

I'd be really pissed off. She knew it was her boyfriend's birthday well in advance.

BlackberrySky · 04/03/2023 06:36

Yeah, I'd be irritated by that. It isn't the same as "something coming up", his birthday is hardly an unexpected event. Was your meal for lots of people or just a few? If it was only a few then that's even worse as their absence is more obvious.

SpookyBlackCat · 04/03/2023 06:57

Did she know you paid a deposit for them?

If not, you should have told everyone before you booked.

If so, she should have paid you back the deposit.

It was rude to drop out so late and for such a flimsy reason. Maybe there’s more to it though.

Vodababy · 04/03/2023 07:04

Depends - if they have children and they could only get sitters for one night then of course they'd prefer to celebrate their own birthday rather than a friends.

Or they may only be able to afford to go out for one meal - same thing.

I'd be slightly annoyed at first but a reasonable person would understand.

Morestrangethings · 04/03/2023 07:26

No, I wouldn’t be annoyed.

Two days notice isn’t like letting someone down at the last moment

If dinner was on me and I’d told everyone it was on me, then yes I would be.

RunTowardsTheLight · 04/03/2023 07:28

Yes, I'd be a bit annoyed.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/03/2023 07:30

I’d wonder whether she has discussed it with her bf before accepting the invitation from you. It sounds like maybe she didn’t and he did not want to go.

Barbecuebeans · 04/03/2023 07:36

I'd be annoyed, yes. I'd be fine if they'd told me originally but his birthday isn't a surprise, she must have known when it was. I can't bear flakey people.

Given the number of people on here that think it's fine just to let people down for their birthday meal, then there are quite a few of them out there.

Doingmybest12 · 04/03/2023 07:37

I'd be disappointed and also wonder what was going on in their relationship that they suddenly needed to prioritise time together over sticking to original plans. I wouldn't be impressed but would try to be charitable as assume one pulled rank over the other or there was a bit of an issue going on. Hope your other friends are more reliable .

Morestrangethings · 04/03/2023 07:45

“Given the number of people on here that think it's fine just to let people down for their birthday meal, then there are quite a few of them out there.”

Because I wouldn’t be annoyed if someone gave me two days notice that they weren’t going to come to my birthday dinner, does not mean I would do the same to someone else. I just don’t hold people to my standards in everything, because we are all different.

ThreeRingCircus · 04/03/2023 07:46

Yeah I'd be a bit annoyed about that as they should have declined when originally invited (which would have been fine). Did she know you'd paid a deposit for them? If so I'd be more annoyed that she hadn't offered to refund you the deposit money as she didn't know the restaurant wouldn't still charge you for those places.

Barbecuebeans · 04/03/2023 07:50

Morestrangethings · 04/03/2023 07:45

“Given the number of people on here that think it's fine just to let people down for their birthday meal, then there are quite a few of them out there.”

Because I wouldn’t be annoyed if someone gave me two days notice that they weren’t going to come to my birthday dinner, does not mean I would do the same to someone else. I just don’t hold people to my standards in everything, because we are all different.

What if everyone just thought it was okay just to let the OP down two days before, meaning she'd have to celebrate on her own? That's why it's unkind. Once you decide it's okay for one person to flake then it's okay for everyone to.

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 04/03/2023 07:53

Yes I'd be annoyed coz she shouldn't have accepted & once she did she should stay committed but I guess at least she was honest & didn't come up with some convoluted lie or cancel last minute.
Maybe they realised they couldn't afford 2 nights out in one week 🤷‍♀️
I'd be cross but get over it quite quickly

Aftjbtibg · 04/03/2023 07:53

Yes, it’s not like they didn’t know it was his birthday when they accepted.