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Original poster

Why is it always the same ones

65 replies

VinoPleaseforOne · 03/03/2023 21:15

Okay, hear me out Mumnetters.

I really am not one of “ those “ Mothers.

I am not at all in any way.

I just wonder. Genuinely. Why it is that some teachers always pick the same children for main parts in school plays and for the delivery of lines.

As I have said to my child today after school, who was devastated at not being picked for anything again- it’s the taking part that counts.

It really doesn’t feel fair. I do understand to a certain extent why they do it- for confidence, reliability etc, but it is very upsetting for some of those children who are constantly left out.

Of course I would never say anything. Teachers have enough on their plate and do a cracking job, so this is not to bash them in any way.

I just wonder why this is so common and the reasons for this.

Please don’t hand my arse to me on a plate because as I say- this is not a teacher bashing thread.

OP posts:
Aintnosupermum · 03/03/2023 21:20

It’s preparation for life. Same thing happens in the workplace. Some people are more equal than others. Follow your own path.

hoorayhooray · 03/03/2023 21:22

This is a good question.
I guess the ones who are always picked are the reliable ones. The ones who may not be phased in any way by the play.
Who can read well and have a clear voice

Though interestingly my DC were given their play parts and the teacher appears to have given the main parts to the naughtiest boy and the most tittle tattle girl

WandaWonder · 03/03/2023 21:27

Random reason can think of

Those kids get on with it and get the job done with less fuss
Don't have tantrums for small reasons
Are reliable
Don't say one minute they want to do it then the next they don't
Can be comfortable in practice and performance

There is a million reasons

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
Original poster
VinoPleaseforOne · 03/03/2023 21:31

Aintnosupermum · 03/03/2023 21:20

It’s preparation for life. Same thing happens in the workplace. Some people are more equal than others. Follow your own path.

I see what you are saying and it is preparing them for life but it is still disheartening for them. Especially as they are only eight years old .

When they try so hard yet are once again turned down: being seated on the back row despite being the smallest, or one of the smallest, in the class and can barely even see to the front. Without a line or anything. He said it makes him feel invisible.

As I say I would never mention anything to the teachers or to school, other than on here and to my DH, but it does make me sad.
And I can’t help that. Because it isn’t equal and I try so hard to instil in my children the importance of equality and to treat each other how we would like to be treated.

OP posts:
Original poster
VinoPleaseforOne · 03/03/2023 21:32

WandaWonder · 03/03/2023 21:27

Random reason can think of

Those kids get on with it and get the job done with less fuss
Don't have tantrums for small reasons
Are reliable
Don't say one minute they want to do it then the next they don't
Can be comfortable in practice and performance

There is a million reasons

Yes I can see that. Still not right though.

OP posts:
RogersOrganismicProcess · 03/03/2023 21:35

Combination of factors:
Good attendance (so they won’t miss shows/preparation).
Confident/happy to perform/read/sing/dance/act in front of others.
Able to follow direction consistently.
Willingness to learn lines (for little ones, knowing which parents will support this).

Note: putting on a show/assembly can eat into learning time for other areas. To limit this staff need to make sensible choices to keep this to an absolute minimum. Yes it may be lovely for meek but sweet natured Millie to have a staring role, but the amount of coaxing it would take would make it unfair on the majority. Add into that poor attendance or unsupportive/too busy parents, and the workload is doubled.

bumpytrumpy · 03/03/2023 21:38

Not a teacher but I do have a brownies pack

IF I was spending my time and effort putting on a play (with parents and my colleagues watching) I can tell you which kids I'd put my faith in to do me proud, and which would be risky and stress me out a lot more.

It's not about intelligence or favouring. It's about knowing that Lucy will turn up to rehearsals and do a decent job. Rosie has a mum who will help her learn her lines. Belinda is absent every other Monday and prone to tummy aches when asked to do something she doesnt like. Georgia is more likely to spend the rehearsals sat under a table. Ruby is a great kid but talks to her feet so anyone more than 3 rows back won't hear a word. Etc etc.

Murraydeservedit · 03/03/2023 21:40

My dd is one of those children.

She’s confident and just very easy going. If she has a part in something she just does it, learns it, doesn’t mess about, just does what she has to do with no moaning.

My ds never got a part in anything as he was the exact opposite.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 03/03/2023 21:41

As regards equality, we aren’t all equal in terms of skills and ability. As much as I’d love to be a heart surgeon, there is a very good reason I am not. Instead of protecting your child from the inevitability of not being chosen, nurture their self confidence and resilience.
“Yes Millie, Nora, does keep getting chosen for x,y, and z, good for her, she seems to be really good at it. I can see you are really good at some things too. You are brilliant at riding your bike, one time you couldn’t even balance, but you didn’t give up and you got better and better. Good for you!”

Gloriousgardener11 · 03/03/2023 21:44

bumpytrumpy · 03/03/2023 21:38

Not a teacher but I do have a brownies pack

IF I was spending my time and effort putting on a play (with parents and my colleagues watching) I can tell you which kids I'd put my faith in to do me proud, and which would be risky and stress me out a lot more.

It's not about intelligence or favouring. It's about knowing that Lucy will turn up to rehearsals and do a decent job. Rosie has a mum who will help her learn her lines. Belinda is absent every other Monday and prone to tummy aches when asked to do something she doesnt like. Georgia is more likely to spend the rehearsals sat under a table. Ruby is a great kid but talks to her feet so anyone more than 3 rows back won't hear a word. Etc etc.

Absolutely this.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/03/2023 21:44

I see this too and although I understand the reasoning... doesn't it defeat the purpose of putting on plays? It becomes an exercise in watching the children who can already do public speaking do public speaking, while the other 26 fidget and pick their noses.

Is that really worth anyone's time and effort?

Pushpull · 03/03/2023 21:49

I think there is a really big difference between being a volunteer (say guides scouts etc) and a paid teacher. I would absolutely speak to the school, not about this play but about feeling invisible. Because every child should have a chance to shine and yes you need some stalwarts in a play but it's not rada. Who cares if it isn't the best kids doing it. And it probably is more about not being picked or seen overall. That makes me feel sad for your child and I'd want school to realise that. Every single child should feel seen over the course of the school year

maddiemookins16mum · 03/03/2023 21:49

They’re reliable and therefore it makes it easier all round.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 03/03/2023 21:53

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/03/2023 21:44

I see this too and although I understand the reasoning... doesn't it defeat the purpose of putting on plays? It becomes an exercise in watching the children who can already do public speaking do public speaking, while the other 26 fidget and pick their noses.

Is that really worth anyone's time and effort?

Yes, because there will be an element of challenge for all children.

For the fidget, managing to stay focussed and join in with the communal songs/actions at the right time, will be a developing skill.

For the nose picker, leaning that “wow every one can see me, I will resist picking my nose as long as I can” will be an appropriate challenge.

For the painfully shy child, joining in white standing in the choir will be teaching them something new.

it isn’t the teacher/scout leader that has it wrong, it is the idea (some people have), that worth is attached to the leading role only!

Original poster
VinoPleaseforOne · 03/03/2023 21:54

RogersOrganismicProcess · 03/03/2023 21:41

As regards equality, we aren’t all equal in terms of skills and ability. As much as I’d love to be a heart surgeon, there is a very good reason I am not. Instead of protecting your child from the inevitability of not being chosen, nurture their self confidence and resilience.
“Yes Millie, Nora, does keep getting chosen for x,y, and z, good for her, she seems to be really good at it. I can see you are really good at some things too. You are brilliant at riding your bike, one time you couldn’t even balance, but you didn’t give up and you got better and better. Good for you!”

Of course, and you make a good point, but we all deserve to be given a chance. Surely.

I am not suggesting he had been given a starring role but maybe even one line may have been nice. For his confidence at the very least . Can you see what I mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
VinoPleaseforOne · 03/03/2023 21:56

Pushpull · 03/03/2023 21:49

I think there is a really big difference between being a volunteer (say guides scouts etc) and a paid teacher. I would absolutely speak to the school, not about this play but about feeling invisible. Because every child should have a chance to shine and yes you need some stalwarts in a play but it's not rada. Who cares if it isn't the best kids doing it. And it probably is more about not being picked or seen overall. That makes me feel sad for your child and I'd want school to realise that. Every single child should feel seen over the course of the school year

He’s asked me tonight if he can avoid it and not turn up. We’ve said to him it’s the taking part and supporting all his peers . He then said to my husband that it won’t matter if he’s not there as no one will notice anyway.

OP posts:
Needtobuildabridge · 03/03/2023 21:57

Teacher here. Just wanted to add:

Firstly, we are totally judged by SLT and our colleagues on the play/assembly, so of course we want to put forward the children that we think will do a good job.

That said, often children don't come forward and say that they'd like more lines/a bugger part. If a child in my class asked for a bigger part, I'd absolutely try to accommodate that. We always try to know our class, but I'm not about to give a huge solo to a child who appears less confident or shy. We aren't mind readers.

Assuming it's your child that feels left out, have they asked the teacher for more?

Abreezeitheglade · 03/03/2023 21:57

My children’s school don’t do this and they are all encouraged to take part. I cried through the last play as they had a child with severe developmental delay, one with hearing impairment and a really anxious child get up and say lines. I was so proud of all of them and know the teachers really did so much to support them.
My daughters old school was the opposite and it was awful watching the kids lose confidence because of it.

Needtobuildabridge · 03/03/2023 21:58

*bigger part. Stupid auto correct! 🤦🏼‍♀️

hoorayhooray · 03/03/2023 22:03

Pushpull · 03/03/2023 21:49

I think there is a really big difference between being a volunteer (say guides scouts etc) and a paid teacher. I would absolutely speak to the school, not about this play but about feeling invisible. Because every child should have a chance to shine and yes you need some stalwarts in a play but it's not rada. Who cares if it isn't the best kids doing it. And it probably is more about not being picked or seen overall. That makes me feel sad for your child and I'd want school to realise that. Every single child should feel seen over the course of the school year

I would agree with that. If my child came home
Saying they felt invisible that is a reason to talk to school.

Also I have spent too long worrying about being "that parent" and I don't worry any more- there will always be someone worse than you so you may as well fight your child's corner

Original poster
VinoPleaseforOne · 03/03/2023 22:04

Needtobuildabridge · 03/03/2023 21:57

Teacher here. Just wanted to add:

Firstly, we are totally judged by SLT and our colleagues on the play/assembly, so of course we want to put forward the children that we think will do a good job.

That said, often children don't come forward and say that they'd like more lines/a bugger part. If a child in my class asked for a bigger part, I'd absolutely try to accommodate that. We always try to know our class, but I'm not about to give a huge solo to a child who appears less confident or shy. We aren't mind readers.

Assuming it's your child that feels left out, have they asked the teacher for more?

Thank you for your input.
I think what has what has made me even more sad for him is ( his words ) “he’s really been brave today” and auditioned.

We were so proud of him as he’s never put himself forward before for anything .

He loves the topic of the play and really really wanted to have a speaking part. Yet has not even been given one line.

OP posts:
Original poster
VinoPleaseforOne · 03/03/2023 22:05

Abreezeitheglade · 03/03/2023 21:57

My children’s school don’t do this and they are all encouraged to take part. I cried through the last play as they had a child with severe developmental delay, one with hearing impairment and a really anxious child get up and say lines. I was so proud of all of them and know the teachers really did so much to support them.
My daughters old school was the opposite and it was awful watching the kids lose confidence because of it.

That’s just so lovely ❤️

What a wonderful school.

OP posts:
Leopardprintonsie · 03/03/2023 22:06

My dd was one of the kids who was always picked. Then the head of the pta (whose dd is in my child's class) kicked up an absolute stink! (along the lines that she does loads of voluntary work do the school & her dd isn't being rewarded for the efforts 🤣)

MyLittlePonyWellies · 03/03/2023 22:07

I my DCs' primary school, they don't always pick the same kids at all. However, they don't pick a child who they think won't be able to do it. I've seen the odd repeat for saying a few lines, but there isn't really a main character at my dcs' age.

In secondaries they do it based on talent and confidence IME, so that does mean the drama school kids will end up with all the main parts. We had the same leads in every play in my secondary school growing up. Tbf though, one of them did end up in the West End. She was in Wicked I think

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/03/2023 22:08

RogersOrganismicProcess

Truthfully I don't think think those tenuous benefits justify the experience of being publicly sidelined over and over. A shy child could learn to sing in a choir in which all the children are equally visible. A nose picker may be less likely to pick if they don't know they are essentially hidden at the back as usual.

These things could be managed better. It is particularly uncomfortable in my DS's school, where the confident and articulate middle class children look visibly different from the ones who never get a significant speaking part.