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Actually think I might be having some kind of stress induced breakdown

69 replies

VannyandZ · 02/03/2023 19:26

Obviously I’m not because I can post on here but I’m not right

Stress from work (NHS) has always been high but the last month I don’t think I can take it anymore.

I wake up in the night thinking about work, I feel sick when I wake up in the morning, I’ve come home from work today and my hands are trembling which I can’t stop. Every waking minute of the day is taken up with people asking me for something, telling me x/y/z isn’t good enough, a consultant absolutely spoke to me like shit today and nobody said a thing it’s so normalised. I have 7 meetings back to back tomorrow and my phone and email will be going off the whole time without letting up. Absolutely no support from my manager, no 1-1 for over 4 months. Upset patients, upset team, strikes, covid, not one word of encouragement or support from anyone. I cannot remember the last time anyone said thank you for anything or even a kind word.

I can’t calm down tonight, I’ve showered had a glass of wine and I’m just lying in bed trembling all down my arms

OP posts:
TortolaParadise · 02/03/2023 22:33

VannyandZ · 02/03/2023 22:20

I just have this overriding feeling that if I could just catch up it would be ok. If the covid stops for a bit or there’s no more strikes or nobody phones in sick or we have a bit more money or or or or but it’s like one wave after another crashing over my head and nobody is coming to help.

I just can’t catch up and I don’t know where to start looking for something else because I’m NHS through and through and don’t feel useful to anyone else and I’m scared of not being useful and I know my pressure is from all the people before me who went off sick and now I’m the next one

OP they all went off sick for their own reasons - perhaps to save their sanity and that of their family. Everyone has their breaking point. The clapping stopped long ago!

Spudlet · 02/03/2023 22:43

Everyone has a tipping point op, everyone. Regardless of how tough you are or how motivated, all of us do have a point where we have the choice to bend, or to break. This is the time to bend, and to give yourself the time to rest and heal. Otherwise you will break, and will take all the longer to get back to where you want to be.

weerose85 · 02/03/2023 22:48

You're 100% doing the right thing. If stress and worry gets too far you're gonna end up absolutely paralysed by it. Hope you're feeling better soon and get your nerves settled down xxxx

namchangeanxious · 02/03/2023 23:00

@VannyandZ I did a very similar thread to you recently. I don't have the answer but totally empathise, and hope you can take a step back from it so you can take care of yourself.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 02/03/2023 23:05

If it’s any comfort, from someone else who went into work for far too long, despite panic attacks and the exact sort of adrenalin response you’re describing here (lying in the dark shaking like a shitting dog) doesn’t strike me as persuasive evidence you’ll struggle finding another job. You’re superb at this job, that’s why they’re piling it on. And the fact you’re a strong, dedicated person, that’s what’s kept you going, no?

Perseverance and an overriding sense of personal responsibility are amazing qualities and much sought after in every field. You’ll have masses of transferable skills you can’t identify just now because you’re stressed out of your box - if you do decide to leave. But worry about that another day.

Fact is, if it’s come to this it’s gone too far. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s structural collapse, and anyone who doesn’t recognise that isn’t doing right by you, so fuck them too. The fact your predecessors all went off sick indicates to me there’s something very far wrong in your role. As my dad once said to me, ‘see if you dropped dead of this stress tonight, they’d say oh dear that’s a shame where will we get another x.’ It’ll be fine, honestly.

Get some kip, tomorrow is a new day.

x

BankOfDave · 02/03/2023 23:13

VannyandZ · 02/03/2023 22:20

I just have this overriding feeling that if I could just catch up it would be ok. If the covid stops for a bit or there’s no more strikes or nobody phones in sick or we have a bit more money or or or or but it’s like one wave after another crashing over my head and nobody is coming to help.

I just can’t catch up and I don’t know where to start looking for something else because I’m NHS through and through and don’t feel useful to anyone else and I’m scared of not being useful and I know my pressure is from all the people before me who went off sick and now I’m the next one

OP you have done the first step for tmrw - good 👍 Being a strong woman is also knowing when to seek help and when to put in place boundaries. It’s not ploughing on until you collapse.

This post more than any other strikes me as someone who needs to take time out. Leaving the NHS or not is not a decision you have to make now. First you need to get well and access support.

Just sleep, read, watch TV, nature walk, whatever tmrw. And breeeeeathe 🙂

PlimplePlop · 02/03/2023 23:21

I quit nursing a few months ago after reaching my breaking point. The NHS is extraordinarily toxic. Please call in sick now and make a GP appointment. I'd suggest you need an absolute minimum of 2 weeks off, probably more. Take care of yourself and take things nice and slow, one minute at a time if necessary.

Allschoolsareartschools · 02/03/2023 23:36

I had a similar job once, I had many of the same symptoms & became really ill with anxiety. Even when I finally managed to leave, my confidence was shattered & I was on medication for quite a while. It all turned out OK in the end but it took time.
Please don't stay when you are so unhappy, it won't get any better & will destroy your mental health.

Obstackle · 02/03/2023 23:39

I was where you are, OP. Almost exactly a year ago.

I ended up taking six months off and never went back to my old role.

My successor has just been appointed. Turns out I was not irreplaceable after all. And neither are you, so put yourself first. 💐

TortolaParadise · 02/03/2023 23:40

Rinkydinkydoodle · 02/03/2023 23:05

If it’s any comfort, from someone else who went into work for far too long, despite panic attacks and the exact sort of adrenalin response you’re describing here (lying in the dark shaking like a shitting dog) doesn’t strike me as persuasive evidence you’ll struggle finding another job. You’re superb at this job, that’s why they’re piling it on. And the fact you’re a strong, dedicated person, that’s what’s kept you going, no?

Perseverance and an overriding sense of personal responsibility are amazing qualities and much sought after in every field. You’ll have masses of transferable skills you can’t identify just now because you’re stressed out of your box - if you do decide to leave. But worry about that another day.

Fact is, if it’s come to this it’s gone too far. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s structural collapse, and anyone who doesn’t recognise that isn’t doing right by you, so fuck them too. The fact your predecessors all went off sick indicates to me there’s something very far wrong in your role. As my dad once said to me, ‘see if you dropped dead of this stress tonight, they’d say oh dear that’s a shame where will we get another x.’ It’ll be fine, honestly.

Get some kip, tomorrow is a new day.

x

I agree with your Dad. The job would be advertised on the website the next morning, no question about it.

Everyonesinvited · 02/03/2023 23:44

You're the next one to go off sick because the system is broken. Don't let it break you. The people in your life need you and you can't help them suffering from stress.

BeesOnLavender · 03/03/2023 00:17

VannyandZ · 02/03/2023 20:20

Ops

I know I need to go to the GP but all this shit just gets put on to the next person

You're responsible for yourself. The next person is responsible for themselves. You're not responsible for the next person.

BeesOnLavender · 03/03/2023 00:36

I’m scared of not being useful

Ask the GP for counseling to address this. If you fix this issue I'm willing to bet putting your own health first will become easier

ukgone2pot · 03/03/2023 00:59

Please, OP - no job is worth this. It's making you ill. Demand to see a G.P tomorrow and go off sick.

Don't look at your emails/messages. You need to look after yourself and then see how things are and what you're next steps are going to be.
Look after yourself.

Jux · 03/03/2023 01:04

Dh had a breakdown - that's what the gp said it was. He is really stressed about our living situation, my lack of health, his lack of work, our lack of everything and no way to change anything now, we've pulled back everything we can. We still have bb I suppose but it's my only social life as I'm so often bed-bound now etc etc.

He wakes every day feeling sick and miserable and one day so angry that he threw something (heavy wooden board) at a kitchen counter hard enough to crack it, slammed stuff around and then took himself out for a while to just walk it off.

I did not witness any of this; I think if I'd been awake he'd have held it together for yet another day.

When he got home he sat down and wrote it all down, complete with swearing, everything he felt and all that he angry about.

Then he cried for a long time and then he rang the gp, who asked him to email the unexpurgated version. After reading it, she rang back, said she thought he'd just had a breakdown which was entirely reasonable considering the stress he was under, and got him in for a f2f, where he could unburden himself again, and answer her questions. He is now much better, as she listened, didn't tell him he was being useless and pathetic and took him v seriously. He has been unclear with me what treatment - if any - he's opted for but I know he had options. He'll tell me eventually.

See your gp. They'll do their utmost to help. NHS, we all know, is a nightmare shitshow in these times, and until the bloody politicians do something sensible, it'll just get worse. So do something now to help yourself, consider all options including leaving. You can always go back when things improve, both with yourself and with the country.

As a patient, I have deep sympathy for you despite the effect it has on 'us'. Darn site worse effect if patient safety is compromised, I'd rather stay on a waiting list.

Jux · 03/03/2023 01:21

"all the people before me who went off sick and now I'm the next one" and that's telling them something which should have been dealt with long before you became the next one. This is not your fault. This is years of Government failure to pay attention to public services and they are reaping the field they've sown. This is years of people voting the Tories in knowing they won't pay any attention to public services. We are reaping what we've sown, too.

(OK, I personally didn't vote Tory, but I am part of a whole society and didn't go out and lobby or door knock or do anything to help in any of the elections, so I'm culpable too. As such I apologise to you personally for my failure, and that of my family, who did no lobbying either. We simply didn't try hard enough and we now see the result.)

Fromwetome · 03/03/2023 13:50

I've taken a 5 year (so far) break from nursing. The NHS will always be there waiting when you are healthy! And able to work.

Nimbostratus100 · 03/03/2023 14:05

How are you feeling today @VannyandZ ?

Have you managed to get a GP appointment?

rampila · 06/03/2023 21:11

VannyandZ · 02/03/2023 22:09

I’ve been on MN since 2007 and one thing I’ve always admired is the hard core women on here running businesses, leading teams, being the go to person for everyone etc etc. what ever happened to that woman with 6 kids who told us all to go out to work and not rely on a man?!!

So I’m going to listen to you now. I’ve messaged my manager and told her I’m not well and won’t be in tomorrow.

Im turning my phone off now

I thank you all for your support x <very unmumsnetty hugs and kisses>

How are you doing OP? Did you stay off after Friday? I hope you are ok x

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