Back story: I have struggled with developing my career for my whole adult life. I have a university degree, have always worked for large well known global companies, but due to lack of confidence, business acumen, lack of initiative, inability to prioritise & go above and beyond I never excelled or progressed in my roles. I stayed in each for 4+ years, but just kind of ticked along struggling and doing the minimum while I watched my co-workers excel, earn promotions, move across brands / new areas of the business, and take on senior roles. I felt so down about myself. I always wondered what was wrong with me and why I had to work 10x harder to achieve a fraction of what they did.
Fast forward many years and it turns out I have ADHD. 
This explains so much. I started medication in the summer and since then it has made a MASSIVE difference in my productivity and confidence. About a year and a half ago I took a side step and moved into a new role in a new department within the same company. I was floundering in my previous role. Upon moving into the new role I was moved down a job grade (I really had no choice - it was that or leave the business) but my pay stayed the same. My pay is crap compared to almost everyone else I know given their age, experience and etc. I make approx £32k (less 20% because I only work 4 days a week after our second child was born) and live down south.
Here's my issue: my husband is very bitter at the fact that I do not make 'enough' money. He runs his own business from home and brings in £100k+ He often mentions how X's wife is only 32 (I'm 40) and makes £65k, or points out I make the same salary as a 25yr old. (I've taken home the same pay for roughly 15years) He's annoyed that my income doesn't 'make a dent' towards our living costs, and 'everything is on him'.
I am really doing well in my career with the help of my ADHD medication now and have found a role that I love and am excelling in. My boss and team are always praising me for how well I'm doing, and I'm actively trying to develop my role so I can progress into a more senior role with better pay within my company. Ideally I would like to gain enough skills that I would feel confident that I could hold my own and excel in a similar senior role in another company and hopefully move up in pay again.
My role requires me to be in the office / or at another location when needed. This could be 0 days a week for 1-2 weeks and then 2-4 days another week. Every week can be different. Very occasionally overnight travel is required. Maybe 1-2 nights every few months. One of the things my ADHD self loves about my job is that there's always a new project on the go and I'm kept on my toes working on / leading exciting projects. This can mean that more falls on my husband to manage if I'm not home. So while he works for himself running his business and he ultimately answers to himself he deals with supplier calls, paperwork and the general running of the business. He is also very hands on with the children and does morning drop-off's / pickups for one (sometimes both) while I do the other. I am often on calls during the afternoon pickup so he does those more frequently than I do.
He is always getting frustrated with me saying I need to make more money, but basically expects me to either quit and walk into an external role at double my current salary, or that I can somehow just demand a pay rise at work and get a significant amount (like 50% more) without putting in the effort or proving my worth and that I deserve it. Essentially he wants me to make at least 50%+ more income without putting in any additional work. When I explain to him that the work I'm doing and projects I'm working on will hopefully contribute to some career progression (my boss is well aware that I want to progress and move up a grade) he's not accepting of it and says it takes away from his ability to run his business.
Some of his issues with my role are really quite silly. He can find an issue with EVERYTHING and will always tie it back and justifies his anger to the fact my pay is shit.
I feel like I'm not explaining this very well. But an example from this evenings argument was when I reminded him that I had to be in the office next week the same day he is meant to be out all day for work. We only have 1 car so I was hoping he could drop me off on his way. When I raised this he flipped out at me and claimed he didn't realise I would be at work the same day / time he needed to be. He did know. It's on the calendar and I've discussed it with him. I explained I would need to be in the office by 9:30am to meet a senior stakeholder who was visiting from overseas. He threw this back in my face saying that I'd ruined his plans and he would have to cancel them because we would need someone to pick up the children and then started yelling saying that the senior stakeholder I was due to meet probably didn't even make £150k-£200k a year (seriously why does it matter?) I tried to tell him that he didn't have to cancel his plans and that I could be flexible on the time I returned home, but I needed to be there by 9:30am. He said it just wasn't possible for him to do a drop off and then rush home and get ready and leave the house again. Said my office is too much of a detour for him (it's only a 15 min detour). I told him it wasn't as big a deal he was making it out to be and that I will take the train both ways and would be home to collect the children).
I know this is long. I'm sorry! I just don't know what to do. He puts me down and gets angry and says that I give off the impression to everyone we know that my job is really prestigious and that my job title implies I'm very senior and make a lot of money so people think I earn more and contribute more to the family than I do. He gets me so down and makes me feel so shit about me wanting to work to advance my career so that I can bring in more income, contribute more and hopefully not be so reliant on him for covering the costs of things I spend / want to spend on for myself I don't know what to do. Do I give up my career and just look for something simple and basic. He says I make as much as a supermarket worker, but even if I gave up my current job which would mean no overnight travel, and went to work at a basic job like in a supermarket I would still be required to be out of the house everyday with less flexibility than my current job. It's a lose lose situation. Basically he wants me to be able to work from home, double my salary and have lots of flexibility and be able to drop what I'm doing at a moments notice to accommodate him.
What do I do!?!?