Men posting on a female subject thread puts me off.

[FancyFran]

I confess I do have another name on munsnet but I use that for a highly personal subject I have contributed to for a long time. It is more of a support group. Until recently we believed we were all women. Some regular posters have been in abusive relationships and most vulnerable.
We have a new male contributor to the thread. Sadly I think I know the person in RL. Socially this person told me I was really easy to find and he had read through my whole journey (that freaked me out). I don't engage with him but I am getting the ick.
My DH would have no interest in being on a female dominated social media site. Any thoughts, am I being paranoid? Naturally I can't prove it's him.

Sadly I think I know the person in RL. Socially this person told me I was really easy to find and he had read through my whole journey (that freaked me out). I don't engage with him but I am getting the ick.

good grief
is he a friend?
I don’t tell anyone i use mumsnet. In any event, can’t think why it would even crop up

Hang on, in RL this person identified you from your sensitive Mn posting history and told you he had, and that he’d read through aLl your posts? I would have found that far more invasive and upsetting than a man on a ‘woman’s subject’ thread? (Are you saying he’s on a support thread about gynae issues or menopause or something?)

Generally speaking on an open message board that absolutely anyone can see, the papers can run stories on and whatever else never post anything you wouldn't be happy for anyone to potentially read.

This isn’t about a male posting on a thread.

This is about a stalkerish male in real life tracking you down on here.

Surely that’s far more of an issue.

And quite frankly, I question the motives of all men who come on here, and I don’t mind admitting it.

I post anything vaugly identifying about me under multiple user names. I still think I could be identified from this name

I posted for years under the sen boards and I was very identifiable in the end. I have never used that name since. I think you would be wise to change your user name and ask mn to delete all of your posts. No one needs their posting history forever searchable

I can’t fathom why you’d be talking to him about your mumsnet posting history

You should be reporting this individual to MN. And obviously ask to have old posts deleted.

On what grounds?

MN delete posts / threads when people have privacy concerns all the time. At the drop of a hat, even.

Yes

but you said “report him”

I didn’t say anything, the pp did.

But, again, privacy concerns?

@SomersetONeil sadly I do have a stalker with a 'violence against the person order' and this man is professionally connected to him. I have posted under two names on the aforementioned thread over time and he knew my original name. His wife was in a party of ladies that overheard me talking about the support I had found on MN. I did not give my user name and he must have time on his hands. Its weird. The new poster popped up as a 'long time lurker' the Monday following the quip about my 'monologues'. He has no history. I have pulled back on giving any family news. The thread has really helped me and it has been a lifeline.

So wondered why you quoted me

privacy concerns - yes

report him… my question still stands. On what grounds because Who would she report?

If the OP has privacy concerns, she should report the person who has recently joined the thread, so that MN can ‘look behind the scenes’.

Isn’t this just standard advice? Maybe MN can do something. Maybe they can’t. But the OP should at least MN to check.

Otherwise, what do you suggest? Do nothing?

Do you really expect on a site used by thousands of people a man you know in real life has managed to find you? If you don’t want people identifying you then don’t post personal information.

This is a parenting site so I’m not surprised men are here. I find single women without kids more odd to be honest.

I would not talk in RL about mumsnet and personal issues with someone I don’t like or at all seems pleasant.

I would never use the name he mentioned again. I would ask mumsnet to delete al posts under this name

I would regularly name change

I identified someone

its happened many times as indeed many threads where this very issue is discussed confirms

@Vegrocks thank you. Useful advice.

Another woman silenced and cut off from support by a creepy man getting kicks from harassing her 😔

I agree it would be a good idea to change usernames and delete the history. If you've got friends on there you could message them privately with the new name.
What a creep he sounds!

This. And why talk about it in real life to people connected to your stalker?

@drpet49 i didn't talk to this person. The wife crashed a conversation with a couple of my friends. She obviously talked to her husband about what she had heard. Tbh it is innocent enough, I am not concerned re the content of my posts more about why a man would spend so much time working out my posts and then sarcastically letting me know I had an 'issue'. Female shaming if you like. He's a first class knob anyway. Unfortunately in my small market town he is a big cheese. I just feel watched again. Fu**ers.

Socially this person told me I was really easy to find and he had read through my whole journey (that freaked me out). I don't engage with him but I am getting the ick.

so his wife told him
then in a social setting he said the above

op you need to be a heck of a lot more careful about personal details .

I've been identified by friends on here. And I've identified more than 1 person I know on here too. Nothing to do with how "careful" people are

op I'm not surprised you've got the ick. I'd namechange. He's a creepy stalker, I'd be very wary of him and his wife irl

@AdamRyan thank you. I am not sure how I can be part of the thread anymore. Some of my fellow posters have the ick too (DMs have been rife) . No one is really engaging but we are all too polite to say anything. Perhaps if no one engages he will feck off?
All I wanted was a bit of female support, I am surrounded by bloody men in work and life.