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Original poster

WWYD if the child behind you kept kicking your seat?

54 replies

Babyleafy · 25/02/2023 18:54

I've been to the football, sat in the same seat I've sat in for 29 years 😆 It's a small lower league club usually poorly attended but a mixture of a change of fortunes and some special offers on tickets means the last couple of games have been near sellouts.

This should be a good thing and it largely is, except that some people don't know how to behave! E.g we had "get your tits out for the lads" today which I don't think I've heard in more than a decade. TBF it was short lived and self policed, they were soon shushed by other supporters.

Anyway behind me were two men and 4 boys c. 7/8 yo and one kept kicking my chair, hard.

What I did was say quietly and calmly "be a good lad and stop kicking my chair please".

I had no idea this would be wrong. When my DC were that age I'd have been embarrassed and apologetic that anyone had needed to ask. I'm not saying it would never have happened, kids do stuff, but I'd have apologised and made it stop. This is not what the dads did....

OP posts:

pilates · 25/02/2023 18:59

I think you were quite nice. I take it he had a go at you?

LookingGlassMilk · 25/02/2023 19:02

You did nothing wrong. The dad was just an arsehole.

Sarahcoggles · 25/02/2023 19:05

You should have addressed the parents, not the child

AngelDelightUK · 25/02/2023 19:07

I’d have done the same. How did the Dad react?

FuckeNell · 25/02/2023 19:08

There's nothing wrong with addressing the child! They're not 4!

CatOnTheChair · 25/02/2023 19:08

I've addressed it in a similar way on a 7 hour flight. If the parents had even attempted to deal with it, I wouldn't have said anything.
Let's just say I think the type of parents who don't attempt to curtail that sort of behaviour initially also don't like any issues being pointed out. I suspect you got a similar response to me. I'm sorry.

Sherrystrull · 25/02/2023 19:08

I'd have done the same. I'd also have told my child off for kicking your chair.

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 19:09

I'd have just said "please could you be careful not to kick my chair?"

saveforthat · 25/02/2023 19:11

Sarahcoggles · 25/02/2023 19:05

You should have addressed the parents, not the child

Why?

MeganTheeScallion · 25/02/2023 19:13

I go to the football and I'd like to think I'd have noticed if one of mine did that and put a stop to it immediately, but I wouldn't have an issue with someone saying what you did. I'd apologise to you and thank you for being so good about it!

DelurkingAJ · 25/02/2023 19:14

I’d have done the same. We had to have a bit of a go at a bunch of teens who dropped food on us at the cricket this summer. DH is a teacher and was very close to going to have a chat with their parents (sat a couple of rows away and ignoring the antics).

MeganTheeScallion · 25/02/2023 19:18

*I'd put a stop, not 'and'

Pringleface · 25/02/2023 19:24

I did the same thing on a flight. Kid kept kicking my seat so I turned around and just said ‘hello, please can you stop kicking my seat? Thanks’. The child immediately started crying and I think the child’s mother was annoyed with me but the dad just told them that all I’d done was ask the kid not to kick my seat.

Rogue1001MNer · 25/02/2023 19:37

C'mon then.

What happened next?

Original poster

Babyleafy · 25/02/2023 20:46

Sarahcoggles · 25/02/2023 19:05

You should have addressed the parents, not the child

Well yes, that's what they said. It never occurred to me that you shouldn't even speak to someone else's child.

I might have done if they had any awareness of what the children were doing, Dad's were together at the end of the row with boys sitting together. Kicking boy was the end of the row, so quite a way from parents in a noisy environment.

The response was "you speak to us if you've got a problem, they're children". Then he turned to his mate and said "the old bat's having a go at the kids". I said "I wasn't having a go, I asked nicely, but thank you please ask them to stop". Response "you don't talk to children".

He didn't speak to the children or apologise to me, but the kicking did stop.

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 25/02/2023 21:01

I had the same problem at the cinema and also was told, quite aggressively, I should have spoken to the parent. Well she was 7 seats away from me and paying no attention at all to the 6 kids who were kicking seat (one of them), talking and throwing popcorn everywhere.

AlwaysLatte · 25/02/2023 21:03

I would have turned around and asked the parents politely to ask them to stop kicking the chair. I wouldn't ask the child directly.

itsgettingweird · 25/02/2023 21:06

I've learnt to respond to

"You speak to us not the children" with "I wouldn't need to speak to any of you if you'd parented know the first place"

I find it doesn't argue with who I should have spoken too but makes it clear even if it was them I still shouldn't have to!

But I do t see what's wrong with addressing children and if someone had to tell my da to stop something I hadn't noticed him doing I'd be apologising!

Original poster

Babyleafy · 25/02/2023 21:09

itsgettingweird · 25/02/2023 21:06

I've learnt to respond to

"You speak to us not the children" with "I wouldn't need to speak to any of you if you'd parented know the first place"

I find it doesn't argue with who I should have spoken too but makes it clear even if it was them I still shouldn't have to!

But I do t see what's wrong with addressing children and if someone had to tell my da to stop something I hadn't noticed him doing I'd be apologising!

I was tempted, but realised it would be asking for a fight and bit my tongue.

The was also a moment when the "tits out" woman was on the field when one of the boys (honestly about 7yo) said "haha look they can't even afford a man physio". I nearly bit then, but thankfully didn't bearing in mind what I now know about the parenting.

OP posts:

vipersnest1 · 25/02/2023 21:10

I'm going to stick my neck out and say you did nothing wrong, @Babyleafy.
You spoke politely. It's not as if you called the child a little shit. As PP have said, it needn't have happened if the parent was actually, you know, parenting. 🤷🏻‍♀️
If he didn't like it, he should watch his own children more carefully instead of taking them along on a jolly with his mate.

DrDinosaur · 25/02/2023 21:12

They're being ridiculous.

If a child is doing something that is directly affecting you, of course you can tell the child not to do it.

And I agree with itsgettingweird, if the parents aren't happy with that, the appropriate response is '"I wouldn't need to speak to any of you if you'd parented in the first place".

Pringleface · 25/02/2023 21:15

AlwaysLatte · 25/02/2023 21:03

I would have turned around and asked the parents politely to ask them to stop kicking the chair. I wouldn't ask the child directly.

Is ‘you can’t speak to the children’ a new thing? I don’t see a problem with addressing a strange child in a polite but firm tone to stop doing something. If you say it to the parent, they invariably immediately go on the defensive and claim their little darling hasn’t done anything wrong.

ReedRite · 25/02/2023 21:20

What’s the apparent issue with speaking to the child? Is it somehow better to act as though they don’t understand or something? I think it’s far more respectful to address the child and credit them with some level of understanding and decency.

You did nothing wrong as far as I can see, OP. The dads should have noticed and stopped the kid doing it. Failing that, the correct response was ‘oh, sorry about that, I didn’t realise.’ And then telling the kid nicely to stop. Not have a go about a perceived etiquette breach on your part to cover up the fact they can’t cope with some one pointing it out when they’ve gone wrong. People are just so aggressive these days, though.

StClare101 · 25/02/2023 21:38

What’s the issue with politely asking a child to stop? No wonder children have so little resilience these days.

His old bat comment tells you all you need to know though. Society is going downhill and fast.

honestlyno · 25/02/2023 21:56

I can understand why you'd think politely asking the child to stop would be ok, and years ago I'd agree, but it absolutely is not in today's society. Certainly not in big towns and cities. Can't speak for small village communities.

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