Two children... when does it get less awful?

[roarfeckingroarr]

I have a 2y4m DS and a three week old DD. I love them both dearly and I absolutely loved motherhood right up until late pregnancy when the discomfort and exhaustion made everything a slog.

DS is being brilliant with the baby and we're doing everything to make sure he feels loved and included. He hasnt shown any jealousy so far and hes v interested in and affectionate with the baby.

But oh my gosh, I'm hating it. Every day lasts a decade. I don't have a second where someone isn't demanding something from me. DP is doing the lion's share with the toddler so I can feed the baby (breastfed) when he's here but I have both on my own for two days (DS is at nursery 3 days) and dread it. I feel overwhelmed and emotionally / physically exhausted. I'm not enjoying it at all this time and I hate myself for it because I love my boy so much, but 2 year old tantrums on little sleep are so draining.

Does it get any better?

I have a just 3 year old and and a BF-ed 3 month old. 3 weeks was the absolute pits. Even a couple of months on it’s improving. Sending love and coffee.

It will get sooooo much easier. DS 1 was 20 months when DS2 arrived. I had them both at home full time for about 5 months until DS1 started playgroup the September after he turned 2. DS2 was such a difficult baby - reflux, bad sleeper etc etc.

I found it so, so tough, but they are 5.5 and nearly 4 now and it's lovely. I'm so glad I had a close age gap. They've played together all afternoon today and I've just been here, they've basically looked after themselves apart from requests for snacks and drinks. They share a lot of the same friends at school/pre-school and the younger one is picking up so much of the stuff the older one is learning at school. The baby days are long behind us and they are interested in similar things, so days out, toys and TV programs are easy.

I will say it might get harder before it gets easier. When DS2 started crawling it was carnage. I'm not saying that to frighten you, but when I think back to those days I honestly couldn't see myself enjoying being a mum of 2, but now I absolutely love it. I'm sure you will too, but now it's hard and I totally sympathise.

I'm sure it does get better, but I wouldn't know.
It's one of the reasons I stuck at one!

I imagine it'll get easier once one is at school?

I shudder thinking of those days with my two.

Don't get me wrong they're not that long ago, mine are 2 and 4 now. A bit better than dealing with a horrendously colicky reflux baby and terrible twos.

4 year old is a delight, although doesn't take a breath and is high energy early riser. Toddler is beyond hellish with tantrums every few minutes, crap sleep and trying to hit elder one at every opportunity.

Fed up of these early years, hope someone's along soon to tell us the golden ages!

Urgh. You're not alone.

My elder two have a 2.5 year age gap.

They’re mid teens now.

I long for the days of toddler and newborn, even with the sleep deprivation and mastitis - because two hormonal rage balls who want to throttle each other for daring to breathe in the others direction is wearing thin.

Sorry OP, they’re still relentless little fuckers, just in different ways.

I long for the days of toddler and newborn

God there's always one isn't there 🙄

Do you have teens yet? If not, you’ll realise why I said that when you do. It has come round so fast I feel like I’ve got whiplash from it.

All the things that come with teens are so complicated. Do I miss the days when a boob and In The Night Garden solved 99% of their issues? Yes, I fucking do.

Many many years ago, I had a gap of two years and four months between mine. I have vivid memories of sitting in the bathroom feeding DD whilst DS splashed in the bath. As you say, someone needs something from you constantly. You feed one, then the other. Mine weren’t at nursery, so I had them both all the time and DH had his own business, so was home late.

BUT it gets better and things get organised.

Hang in there op. Newborns are draining and don't give much back anyway and it's so much harder when you've got a toddler to deal with and feel guilty about. But remember the newborn bit doesn't last long. Feeds space out, sleep gets better. Every week that goes by the weather will get warmer and lighter making it easier to get out and by August you will have a 6 month old who will be weaning, sitting, playing with things and interacting and an almost 3 year old who will be growing in independence and communication skills. You're doing great!

When thr smaller one is about 2.(when they walk and talk) it gets better. When they are 3 it is brilliant and family life is amazing then.

OP you've got a newborn! Of course it'll get easier, plus heaps more rewarding. Hang in there.

When youngest got to 2-ish it suddenly got way easier. Use all the help you have or can afford to pay for til then!

Feeds space out, sleep gets better.
Citation needed…

Thank heaven for small mercies!

I think you might be at the rock bottom bit where the novelty has worn off and everyone is tired and the baby visits etc have finished.

It gets better as the baby is more robust, six months is a bit easier, then 18. A lot better when the youngest is 3-4.

You just have to accept that you're in it for the long game. I was so tired in the baby stage of dc2, I don't have many memories of it!

I just found it got easier the older they got, even including the teenage years. I had a 2.5 year age gap and dd was jealous. I found it soooo hard when they were a baby and toddler but just have found it easier as time has gone on. Now 15 and 18

It gets gradually better I think, but I found the breakthrough comes when the younger one is about 4. Everything is really lovely for a few years then, until secondary school when they start becoming more independent. (Still lovely but takes a bit of getting used to when you stop being the centre of their little world.)

I think my favourite time was from when mine were 6 and 4 until about 10 and 8. It's all worth it for those years.

I had exactly the same gap. Things have gotten better and better from 6 months on.

Mine are now 12 and 13. They try to gang up on me. It's hilarious. They are very close despite being completely different personalities.
Only once when they were tiny did I manage to get them to nap simultaneously. Let it go, and accept as much help as possible without taking the piss.
Just keep swimming ☺️

Oh OP, it’s nearly 15 years since I was at that stage with my two, but I can remember very well how exhausting and relentless it was. There were a LOT of days I thought: ‘I’ve ruined my life’. 😬 But we got through it. As another poster said- the days were very very long, but the years were short.

I started to really feel more in control and more able to enjoy family time together once they were both at school. Still hard work but everyone was sleeping more by then at least! As the school years rolled by, I enjoyed it more with every passing year. Mine are 17 and nearly 15 now and although teenagerhood has presented a few challenges, they are fantastic kids and I really enjoy their company.

I'm reading all these replies and really appreciate everyone's advice. Sounds like it will get easier. Thank you for making me feel less alone,

Go and find toddler groups - I found Church ones the best as there was always an abundance of ladies who would happily cuddle a newborn or entertain a toddler and bring you tea and cake. Such a lifesaver!

When they get into a nap routine it gets easier. Then it gets easier and harder and easier etc for the next few years. Mine play beautifully together now. It does get easier!