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Original poster

Sons as adults

47 replies

rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 21:50

I'm expecting DS2 and thrilled for DS1 to have a brother. Feeling really lucky.

My only worry is that as adults they won't be as close to me as girls are to their mums!

Is this ludicrous?

It's certainly the case in the families I know sadly.

OP posts:
LucyLeave · 23/02/2023 21:51

No it's not true.

Why does MN not like boys?

BlueberryBuffin · 23/02/2023 21:51

I'm a female and I'm not close to my mum
DH is closer to his

Original poster
rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 21:51

I love boys!

OP posts:

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Families
GoodChat · 23/02/2023 21:52

DP is closer to his DM than I am by about one million miles

Original poster
rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 21:59

Great to hear. My DH and brother live miles from their mum and my sisters and I are v close by. Equally my dad and his brothers are all far from their mum and their sister is in same town.
I'm sure I'm just being silly! Honestly love boys, not some kind of strange man hater!

OP posts:
HollyFern1110 · 23/02/2023 22:03

Oh heavens, no.

DH is very close to his DM & sisters. I, however, am pretty much estranged from my family.

We also have two adult sons who are definitely very close to us.

topcat2014 · 23/02/2023 22:04

I think it's just an MN myth. I communicate with DM most days (WhatsApp)..

TonTonMacoute · 23/02/2023 22:08

Is this ludicrous?

Not ludicrous, but I wouldn't assume that the closeness between parents and children is dependent on what sex everyone is. I wasn't that close to my DM at all, much closer to my DF. I am very close to my DS who is 24.

Original poster
rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 22:09

This is great. Does it change with grandchildren? Do they tend to gravitate more towards the mother's parents? I certainly did

OP posts:
PurBal · 23/02/2023 22:09

Yes it’s ludicrous. It totally depends on the child. I’m not close to my mum. DH is a mummy’s boy.

TomAllenWife · 23/02/2023 22:10

I can't stand my mother
DP stands by his mum 100%

I think boys are close to their mums
My boys are

PurBal · 23/02/2023 22:10

And no, now we have grandchildren it’s fairly equal if not slightly favouring DH side.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/02/2023 22:10

My MIL lives with us. At my suggestion.

Its about the values children are brought up - especially seeing their Dad treat his mum well - with far more than if they’re boys or girls imo.

PurBal · 23/02/2023 22:11

*we have children and parents have grandchildren I mean

Pallisers · 23/02/2023 22:11

My mil had only boys and they all are close to her. Her daughters in law too. I have young adult children -1 boy and 2 girls. I'll say honestly that the girls phone me much more but ds is a more introverted - needs less chat/emotional support etc. he calls me regularly, comes to us for help if he needs us, loves to come over for dinner or lunch, comes to any family stuff we organise, has gone away with us for weekends etc. I love him and if I had had only him I'd love the role he plays in my life.

Pallisers · 23/02/2023 22:11

Its about the values children are brought up - especially seeing their Dad treat his mum well - with far more than if they’re boys or girls imo.

And I agree completely with this.

sjxoxo · 23/02/2023 22:14

I don’t know any grown up sons that are really genuinely close to their mums other than my dad who rang my grandma every day. I have a son who I adore but I’ll be honest and say I do sometimes wonder if he’ll bother calling me when he’s older!! I often have to remind DH to return his mothers’ call. I’m not sure it’s just sons to mothers- I think most men are shite at maintaining good family relationships tbh. X

Noicant · 23/02/2023 22:14

I’m NC with mine, DH isn’t close to his but he calls regularly. Honestly build a close relationship, teach them to be self sufficient, don’t martyr yourself, make sure they value you. You’ll be fine, I know plenty of men close to their mums!

Original poster
rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 22:15

sjxoxo · 23/02/2023 22:14

I don’t know any grown up sons that are really genuinely close to their mums other than my dad who rang my grandma every day. I have a son who I adore but I’ll be honest and say I do sometimes wonder if he’ll bother calling me when he’s older!! I often have to remind DH to return his mothers’ call. I’m not sure it’s just sons to mothers- I think most men are shite at maintaining good family relationships tbh. X

This is sort of my experience too! Definitely with my DH, dad and brother!

Hopefully my amazing parenting 😂 will build an unbreakable bond

OP posts:
onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 23/02/2023 22:18

I'm very close to my adult son and even closer to my DIL. We live within a twenty minute drive of each other and I do regular weekly childcare for the grandchildren and often have them for sleepovers. My DIL often suggests meet ups at the weekend too. I have adult DDs too who I am equally close to and certainly count my blessings!

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 23/02/2023 22:19

sjxoxo · 23/02/2023 22:14

I don’t know any grown up sons that are really genuinely close to their mums other than my dad who rang my grandma every day. I have a son who I adore but I’ll be honest and say I do sometimes wonder if he’ll bother calling me when he’s older!! I often have to remind DH to return his mothers’ call. I’m not sure it’s just sons to mothers- I think most men are shite at maintaining good family relationships tbh. X

This is just a summary of female socialisation.

Women are generally socialised by their family and society more generally to do the emotional work of maintaining family relationships and later checking in on/ caring for older relatives.

Noicant · 23/02/2023 22:19

Pallisers · 23/02/2023 22:11

Its about the values children are brought up - especially seeing their Dad treat his mum well - with far more than if they’re boys or girls imo.

And I agree completely with this.

This is very true, ultimately how their dad treats their mum will be their blueprint. My BIL would unleash the wrath of god on his boys for disrespecting their mum in any way. Happily the kids are fantastic young men and SIL is a star. But partly it’s because their dad was very firm about expectations when they were small.

Original poster
rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 22:19

@onlyoneoftheregimentinstep that's really lovely.

Interesting you're closer to DIL than DS

OP posts:
MrsMullerBecameABaby · 23/02/2023 22:22

rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 22:15

This is sort of my experience too! Definitely with my DH, dad and brother!

Hopefully my amazing parenting 😂 will build an unbreakable bond

Show quote history

I honestly don't think the weighting towards women calling and visiting their parents more frequently is anything to do with women as a sex class having a better bond with their parents than their brothers - it's just socialisation.

Original poster
rattlinbog · 23/02/2023 22:23

@MrsMullerBecameABaby but regardless of reasons it is the reality

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