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Original poster

Work colleague has terrible breath. Do I tell her?

38 replies

21stcenturyboy · 23/02/2023 21:46

She’s recently revealed that she’s avoided the dentist for years despite having a rotten tooth as she’s terrified of having it pulled.

The last few weeks though the stench of her breath is awful, it’s true ‘rotten tooth’ smell and I can smell it in the room as well as when she comes over to talk to me.

Shes a good friend and colleague but ultra sensitive and would be absolutely mortified if I said anything - she’d probably cry and be upset. She’s really afraid of the dentist too so it’s such a dilemma whether I tell her or not. 😫 any words of advice?

I’ve tried saying that she really should have the tooth out but she says the dentist says it’s only a little decayed and it can wait until she is less anxious. It smells quite a bit worse than that though.

OP posts:
BadClown · 23/02/2023 21:48

Nope, leave her alone. She will know her breath smells and it won’t taste good either. You saying anything will just make her feel like shit and won’t change her fear of dentists

BMW6 · 23/02/2023 21:50

I think as a good friend it would be right to tell her.

Do it somewhere private so she can cry.

"I'm so sorry to have to tell you that I can smell your breath and it's pretty bad. I think you should get that tooth out"

Mammbo · 23/02/2023 21:55

How about not telling her about the breath right off the bat but rather helping her with the dentist issue. You could suggest a dentist who is very gentle, or say you'd heard about someone having similar anxiety but who went and it was such a relief for them, or say you had seen an advert for a dentist specialist in people with phobias. Something like that that emphasises you being sympathetic, even if the breath issue might still come up as part of that conversation later on?

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Dental health
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 23/02/2023 21:55

I think as she's a friend you should tell her. Would it be too much to offer to come and hold her hand at the dentist?! Honestly she'll feel so much better when it's out and so will everyone else.

Idontmeanto · 23/02/2023 22:00

I’m dental phobic. Being told my breath smelt would make me cry, and invest in some mints/gum, but it really wouldn’t make me go to the dentist unless I’m in agony. I know full well there are gentle, phobic specialist dentists, I can’t afford them, and I’m still too scared to go. I wouldn’t want anyone to come with me and witness the worst of my mental health difficulties. A handhold doesn’t cut it.

I’m sure she knows. Leave her alone.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/02/2023 22:03

Maybe approach her expressing concern for her overall health? Tooth decay has a known link to heart disease, and by allowing hers to go untreated, she could be putting her health at risk?

Also, "she says the dentist says it’s only a little decayed and it can wait until she is less anxious." I'd ask her when he said that, because I'd suspect it is quite some time ago.

I had a tooth extracted last year, and I'm not a happy bunny in that chair (bad childhood experiences). It wasn't as bad as I feared although still not a great experience; but surely it must be better than watching people flinch as you exhale near them? Not saying you do this OP, but if the smell is that bad, some people will (involuntarily) be flinching. I'd rather upset my friend and comfort her when she cries, than know that my saying nothing will subject her to that.

Good luck.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 23/02/2023 22:04

That's no reason to inflict this nastiness on the rest of the office. She needs to be told.

TimeForChanges123 · 23/02/2023 22:10

If it was something she has to live with and couldn't be fixed I wouldn't tell her, but if it's easily solvable then I'd gently tell her. If she's a good friend x

PleasantZen · 23/02/2023 22:14

Can you drop her some hints instead like...

Have you considered having CBT counselling to help you get you over your fear of dentists?...Otherwise your breath will smell.

Or

Offer her a mint.

Circumferences · 23/02/2023 22:22

Tricky one. I'm not convinced she has any idea her breath smells. You really can't smell your own breath. She will also be in denial of it anyway because of her phobia.

I'd keep offering her XXXtra strong mints. Or strong menthol chewing gum, handed over with a sort of sympathetic look. She'll hopefully get the hint and it's better than saying something.

Tabasco007 · 23/02/2023 22:22

As difficult as it will be, I think you need to tell her somehow.

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/02/2023 22:25

100% tell her! Her reluctance to go to the dentist and sort out her gum disease/rotten teeth/halitosis means you have to suffer the revolting, repugnant smell of foul breath. Why do her needs trump yours?

This bloke in his 20s, used to work at the place I worked at some 15 years ago. There was an office I worked in for a few months, and it was only about 12 by 10 foot wide and didn't have a window in it. He came into it occasionally, and chatted for five minutes.

When he had gone, I had to spray air freshener for about 30 seconds, and spray perfume, and almost threw up with the rancid foul smell of his repugnant breath. It smelt like a mix of rotten eggs, 3 week old lumps of rotten cat food, pieces of chicken left in the warm for a week, and pieces of shit, that had all been lumped together and left in a wheelie bin for a month in the middle of summer.

Why should your colleague's potential bruised feelings trump your right to not want to feel nauseous, and to want to vomit because of the smell? TELL HER. If she is offended, and stops speaking to you. RESULT!

BreviloquentBastard · 23/02/2023 22:28

The people saying leave her alone have obviously never had someone breathe rotten tooth breath over them, it really is one of the most vile smells imaginable. I sympathise with her phobia, I have to be sedated just to get near a dentist's chair, but if she's inflicting that on other people in the office she needs to be told. I say this as someone who once had a tooth so decayed it was bendy. I know it smelled because it tasted vile. I was so relieved when it was finally pulled.

If you can't face it OP you could always ask your boss to have a quiet word? I had a staff member request I do this once for a chap who had horrendous BO. It's a hard conversation to have, but every boss has had to have one like it at some point.

Celia24 · 23/02/2023 22:32

Yop description @PurpleButterflyWings I really got a sense of that 😩

EmmaEmerald · 23/02/2023 22:32

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 23/02/2023 22:04

That's no reason to inflict this nastiness on the rest of the office. She needs to be told.

Agree. Ask HR to have a word?

she might have an abcess, it could get more serious in terms of her health.

Celia24 · 23/02/2023 22:32

*Top

Emmamoo89 · 23/02/2023 22:33

You need to tell her

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/02/2023 22:34

Thanks @Celia24 Smile Awful isn't it?!

TheNoodlesIncident · 23/02/2023 22:42

EmmaEmerald · 23/02/2023 22:32

Agree. Ask HR to have a word?

she might have an abcess, it could get more serious in terms of her health.

Show quote history

If you could encourage her to seek help to overcome her fear, that would be best thing. Decaying teeth can actually lead to heart problems, so evil breath aside, it's in her best interests to just go and get her teeth sorted.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 23/02/2023 22:44

I presume she mentions her tooth to you fairly frequently, when she does, use it as a shoe in and say something like “yes I’ve noticed it’s getting worse for you as I can smell the poison coming from your tooth you poor thing, I’m worried the infection will start to make you unwell” or words to that effect, so rather than saying her breath smells blame the actual tooth so it sort of absolves her of responsibility and it’s not so excruciating to hear. As an aside if it’s infected it really could make her quite unwell.

drpet49 · 23/02/2023 22:50

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 23/02/2023 22:04

That's no reason to inflict this nastiness on the rest of the office. She needs to be told.

I agree. I would get her manager to have a word with her. Grim.

Jollyhoho · 23/02/2023 22:51

No. Don't say anything

jammmmm · 23/02/2023 22:55

She needs to be told whether that's you, your boss or HR that says it.

When I was in college, there was this girl that had reaaaally bad BO. The whole class knew the stench was coming from her and people would avoid sitting next to her during lessons (A-Level so we didn't have a seating plan).

Anyways, I ended up telling her (as nicely as possible!) and the next day, no BO.

I'm telling you, I did her a favour.

Silverbracken · 23/02/2023 22:58

Yuck. It’s sad that she’s phobic but that doesn’t mean she gets to make the office smell revolting for everyone.

Ask HR to have a word but if they won’t then you’re going to have to do it.

If I were her I’d want to know.

Thisbastardcomputer · 23/02/2023 23:00

Our managers breath was disgusting, we had meetings around a very large and wide conference table, his foul breath came over in waves, smelt like dog shit.