Work colleague has terrible breath. Do I tell her?

[21stcenturyboy]

She’s recently revealed that she’s avoided the dentist for years despite having a rotten tooth as she’s terrified of having it pulled.

The last few weeks though the stench of her breath is awful, it’s true ‘rotten tooth’ smell and I can smell it in the room as well as when she comes over to talk to me.

Shes a good friend and colleague but ultra sensitive and would be absolutely mortified if I said anything - she’d probably cry and be upset. She’s really afraid of the dentist too so it’s such a dilemma whether I tell her or not. 😫 any words of advice?

I’ve tried saying that she really should have the tooth out but she says the dentist says it’s only a little decayed and it can wait until she is less anxious. It smells quite a bit worse than that though.

No. She will know.

There are ways to tell her. Make sure you are away from the office, take tissues. Be matter of fact.

When I worked in HR I had to do this (with an English guy in his mid20’s who was working in Sydney) because his manager was too much of a wimp to do it. I kept it completely factual- that his body odour had been noticed, that in 30 + degree heat he had to shower everyday and had to wash clothing after each wear on a hot wash for shirts, socks and undies. This was after I asked him some questions and he explained he was only having a full shower once or twice a week.

He was embarrassed but grateful. I didn’t find it easy.

Thing was he was well groomed. Clean shaven, not a hair out of place. Just didn’t know the basics.

Have the conversation, OP….

Deal with it head-on and compassionately.

’you know your tooth problem? I can tell it’s got to the point that you need to do something. I’m really sorry to tell you this but the odour is now really noticeable. I feel awful for you but it’s clear you need to get it sorted.’

You have to tell her! If she is a friend, I would being it to her attention in private and tell her because you care, you want to bring it to her attention so she can take the next steps to remedy it. Maybe she knows but is too embarrassed to ask anyone, so you'd be doing her a favour by confirming. Do it!

Do you know where she lives? Post her anonymous letter through the post and tell her that way. Saves embarrassment for her in the office and also gets you off the hook in telling her face to face.

Say that, as a nice colleague, you can tell she needs to see the dentist. Say that you understand she is scared and that you can accompany her to the dentists and wait there so you can take her home.

@21stcenturyboy did you tackle the issue?

This is dreadful advice. Better to be tackled by a sympathetic friend than forever wondering and paranoid about who wrote the note..

@SpeckledlyHen what if you told her and she took the hump? You will have caused a massive fall out and have now caused trouble in the workplace?

Tell her privately and very very kindly and sensitively. Ideally do it on a Friday so she has a couple of days to recover before having to face the office again. Be very gentle when you tell her but she needs to know as you can get used to your own bad smell. Poor woman.

This is an excellent way to word it.
Don't listen to the anonymous letter suggestion, how incredibly thoughtless and creepy!

If it's that bad, she is putting herself at risk.

If she's a friend, you could explain that you know that rotten tooth must be hurting her, and offer to go to the dentist with her.

No don't do this.

that's dreadful advice.

id say something to her about needing to see her dentist again about her tooth because she's clearly not going to get less anxious and it's obviously getting much worse & how I'll that could make her. Try to focus on the tooth/health unless she pushes you to admit the smell has got really bad.

Offer to help her in any way you feel able to.