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Original poster

Anyone else’s 7 year old commenting on your appearance? Feel like my self esteem is on the floor!

34 replies

KronkeyCroc · 23/02/2023 20:15

Anyone else’s 7 year old do this? It’s usually comments on things I can’t do much about. not instantly at least.

Why are your teeth wonky is the latest. I’ve explained why (I didn’t wear my head brace enough as it bloody hurt) but she keeps asking me. I can’t afford 3K to get them done. I’d love to. I went for an Invisalign consult as they are a bit cheaper but they can’t do it on me.

I feel self conscious anyway but this is making me feel a million times worse and like I don’t want to speak or smile at anyone.

she keeps pointing out my grey hair as well. I try not to react and let her know I’m bothered as I don’t want to transfer any body issues. Bit I just feel like an old ugly mess.

OP posts:

Bigpinktrain · 23/02/2023 20:17

I think it’s worth having a conversation with your DD, she is 7 so older enough to understand that beauty isn’t about looks, and comments like that can hurt.
Has she read The Twits? It made quite the impression on my daughter!

Original poster

KronkeyCroc · 23/02/2023 20:20

She has! And she had a go at me
the other day when I called a pug ugly as I would hurt it’s feelings. So she gets it. I feel like she is pushing a boundary wanting me to react.
we've had conversations around not pointing things out and people come in all shapes and sizes and it’s important how people behaviour not how they look etc. it’s just me she does it with.

OP posts:

Nimbostratus100 · 23/02/2023 20:21

why wouldnt you react? She is being rude and needs disciplining

RoseBucket · 23/02/2023 20:23

Tell her not to be so rude!

Whyisitsososohard · 23/02/2023 20:23

She old enough to know commenting on other appearance is rude and unacceptable. If she doing it to push boundary you need to treat it as you would any other bad behaviour. I'm sure she's just testing things out. But I'd really crack down on this type of behaviour as you don't want her being nasty to others.

Hawkins003 · 23/02/2023 20:24

Bit like the show outnumbered

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 23/02/2023 20:31

"Well that's not a very nice thing to say, is it?"

"It's not nice to criticise someone's appearance."

"You probably wouldn't like people saying things like that to you, do you shouldn't say them to others."

"It's not ok to make hurtful remarks, including to mummy."

"We've spoken about this. It's rude to make comments like that. Why are you continuing to do it?"

There you go. If she doesn't know it's not ok, you need to teach her. If she does know but is doing it anyway to get a reaction, you need to stop that shit now.

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/02/2023 20:34

Wow, she is incredibly rude! At 7 she should know better. What on earth has made her like this? My kids thought I was the prettiest lady in the world, (when they were little, like under 10,) and their dad was the most handsome man. (Hopefully they still do!!!) And I thought MY mom was the prettiest lady in the world, and MY dad was the most handsome man.

As pps have said, she needs a good scolding, and to be told she can't say this shit, as it's bloody rude and quite cruel.

Fightingtalk · 23/02/2023 20:49

Don’t give her words any power with a big reaction. Shrug it off with a nonchalant ‘have I?’ at the time and later, when the hurt has passed and if you feel it’s required, remind her that it’s not necessary to comment on anyone’s appearance. My 7yo asked me why I had so many lines on my neck this evening - something I hate! - but I said ‘because I’m so terribly old’ and pretended to hobble about to make her laugh and change the subject.

Mouthfulofquiz · 23/02/2023 20:50

I came down on my son quite hard when he did this. I said that he was being mean and he had hurt my feelings. Yes it made him sad but it stopped it happening again. Your kids don’t get to ruin your self esteem - sort it out!

Original poster

KronkeyCroc · 23/02/2023 20:51

Yeah you’re all right I should pull her up in it. And I will next time. I always have when she was younger and commented on strangers.

I'm not sure where this is coming from. My mum was with us and said that’s not very nice and commented on her emerging tooth and she replied “I didn’t care what people say about me”. She can be so sweet and loving and then quite harsh.

OP posts:

illiterato · 23/02/2023 20:53

I still remember when ds was about 3 and asked me what I was putting on my face. I said “ moisturiser, to make me look younger”

there was a pause and he said “ you need to put more”

still, could be worse. My friends fancied my parents- they were quite young but even so.

fluffylampbear · 23/02/2023 20:53

Sorry to hear that Op. I don't want to sound insensitive but maybe there is a way you can get your teeth done with a loan or something? If it is making you feel that crap maybe there's a way to get it done. I did the same, and it was worth it because it was a huge hangup for me. I don't mean to go against the grain here or make you feel worse. Just know that there are ways that you can get them done - payment plans etc - if it will make a big difference to your self esteem I sometimes think it's worth it.

Original poster

KronkeyCroc · 23/02/2023 20:53

@Fightingtalk that is usually my way to deal with it. But she keeps doing it (not daily but enough so I’ve noticed) that I guess it’s time to come down harder on it.

OP posts:

InstagramBitchWife · 23/02/2023 20:53

Tell her it's very rude to comment negatively on somebodies appearance.

Ask how she would feel if someone said something unkind about how she looked.

7 is plenty old enough to be told that it's not ok to say such things.

GrisleyR · 23/02/2023 20:57

I have seven year old granddaughter who would randomly tell me I was old.
I agreed that I was and that she was a baby.
Cue outrage, that she was NOT a baby. So I explained that I felt the same when she said I was old, as she did when I said she was a baby.
There was a long silence, then normal,chatter. She has never called me old again 😁

LetThemEatTurnips · 23/02/2023 20:58

It is normal not to understand these are hurtful comments at her age - but this is the age you teach her
You say 'we don't comment on people's appearance as it is rude and makes people feel embarrassed'
Stop calling dogs ugly as that will not help! You have to follow your own rules.

Mouthfulofquiz · 23/02/2023 21:01

Yes- totally agree with following your own rules. Stop criticising yourself and random dogs and be firm that she needs to stop this.

OutofControl3 · 23/02/2023 21:02

Is anyone around her so critical for her to think this is what u do? If it was me I'd be putting her straight on how to behave, everybody's the same bur different talk maybe. That is awful she's effecting u like this.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/02/2023 21:09

'That is an unkind thing to say and you are really hurting mummy's feelings, if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all'

KILM · 23/02/2023 21:14

I think you need to show her you are upset in your body language etc -don't just calmly explain you are upset, be sad and quiet - put on a bit of a show of it. It will make her sad but that's how kids learn, by seeing the consequences with their own eyes not just being told it. Good luck!

Original poster

KronkeyCroc · 23/02/2023 21:15

I’m very careful not to be critical. I never criticise myself in front of her and I don’t really compliment appearances and ask how she feels/does she like it if she ask how she looks etc. I pull my parents up if they are critical on appearance or judgemental of people on telly etc.

agree with following my own rules and don’t know why I called the dog ugly. I’m usually
so cared about those sorts of things. I owned it and I said she was totally right to pull me up on it and I shouldn’t have said it.

OP posts:

TinyCactusInAPot · 23/02/2023 21:19

It’s not about looks of body positivity OP

it’s about her learning some manners.

don’t explain about braces and pain, just say yes they are wonky but making negative unkind comments about anyone’s appearance is rude

You got yourself all muddled on this one!

LetThemEatTurnips · 23/02/2023 21:26

Also be aware that kids do start to identify when they are making people sad/angry/uncomfortable and try it out - don't panic, it is necessary to learn it so they can then work out how NOT to do it.

So just keep explaining.

Choconut · 23/02/2023 21:40

'Asking questions about someone else's appearance is rude'. Repeat until she gets the message.

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