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Anyone else’s 7 year old commenting on your appearance? Feel like my self esteem is on the floor!

34 replies

KronkeyCroc · 23/02/2023 20:15

Anyone else’s 7 year old do this? It’s usually comments on things I can’t do much about. not instantly at least.

Why are your teeth wonky is the latest. I’ve explained why (I didn’t wear my head brace enough as it bloody hurt) but she keeps asking me. I can’t afford 3K to get them done. I’d love to. I went for an Invisalign consult as they are a bit cheaper but they can’t do it on me.

I feel self conscious anyway but this is making me feel a million times worse and like I don’t want to speak or smile at anyone.

she keeps pointing out my grey hair as well. I try not to react and let her know I’m bothered as I don’t want to transfer any body issues. Bit I just feel like an old ugly mess.

OP posts:
HedwigIsMyDemon · 23/02/2023 21:42

I’m always horrified that parents let their kids speak to them like this - these are the kids that then go onto be bullies because no one has ever told them it’s fucking rude to comment on people’s appearance 🤬.

Tell her to stop it. Now.

AliceMcK · 23/02/2023 21:57

I don’t understand why she is being rude unless she is saying it to deliberately upset you. She’s 7 she’s asking questions about they way you look and why you look a particular way. All my DCs have done it I’ve always done my best to explain why something is the way it is.

why my “yellow” tooth is like it is, I have a crooked tooth to one side and in some lights is looks really yellow, I don’t have naturally white white teeth, it’s never bothered me, I just tell them that everyone has different teeth, mine was never straightened as a child and in some lights it looks yellower than it is. My DH has bad crooked teeth, my DDs know it’s because he was naughty as a child and pulled his braces off and grandad refused to buy more.

Why do my boobs touched my belly button, because I have big boobs and when not wearing a bra they are saggy, the older I get the saggier they get especially after having children and breast feeding.

Big belly, it’s my body shape, the last few years I’ve put weight on due to health issues so it’s bigger than it’s been in the past. Some people have flat tummies, mummies is big, but that’s just my shape.

Most recent, pointed out my all my children separately (something I’d noticed recently myself) “did you cut your face mummy”, “what’s that line on your face, dose it hurt” Me: it’s called a wrinkle! We get them as we get older, look I’ve got others but I noticed myself this one myself recently, it looks bigger because I’ve got such awesome cute dimples look… then I smile and they can see it’s my dimple that no longer disappears when I stop smiling.

Encourage them to ask questions, especially if you don’t want them to have body issues. Just teach them not to ask about other people in front of them.

I have 3 DDs and I do not want them to have my body issues which is why I normalise different bodies and never ever let them know what bothers me about mine.

LadyJ2023 · 23/02/2023 22:01

Erm why aren't you stepping up and saying how rude this is it will only get worse if you dont

SleeplessWB · 23/02/2023 22:06

My DD7 kept making comments about my wobbly tummy etc... One day I was feeling down about my weight in general and cried when she said it. She was mortified and apologised. She has never said anything since. Sometimes at that age they just don't realise - I should have told her sooner she was upsetting me rather than let it get to that point.

DancingDaughter50 · 23/02/2023 22:37

It's just natural honesty.

My dd went through a stage asking me loads of stuff and one day nearly fainted in shock about seeing a pic of me when younger!

I just smile and say mummy is very happy with how she looks but for health reasons probably needs to loose a little weight but is very happy. But also that when I was younger I took lots of pride in my appearance and there is also nothing wrong with that.

I also say its OK for her to be honest with me because I am mummy but she shouldn't be so honest with other people because it could hurt their feelings and people can be extremely sensitive about how they look.

She did calm down on it but yesterday said my hair is going grey!!

DancingDaughter50 · 23/02/2023 22:38

Of course a 7 year year old doesn't realise all the emotional baggage and problems we carry with looks etc!

Mumof3teenagers · 23/02/2023 22:46

I haven’t read through the thread fully but if it was me, I’d have a conversation about kind words and how words can hurt someone. I’d also tell them it’s not ok to comment someone’s appearance, if it’s negative and hurtful.
If you feel this is just for attention or boundary pushing, I’d ignore it ( once the other conversation was had ). Don’t react and do praise good behaviour and kind words. Ignore hurtful comments and don’t react.

NCGrandParent · 23/02/2023 22:52

We're you brought up by parents who passed comment on others' appearance? It seems to be eliciting a strong reaction from you (and others on this thread!) And I'm not convinced you're being consistent in your approach.

Why you have "wonky" teeth is a factual (if brutal!) question. Its not placing a value judgement so I wouldn't say it's rude. Saying a dog is "ugly" is a value judgement.

We have a rule for everyone in the family that we don't comment on appearances when we are out and about. Make it clear you know that sometimes you'll have a thought about someone's appearance but you keep it as a thought in your head and ask questions later at home. Any value judgements (positive OR negative) are discouraged. We try to use descriptive language if we are commenting on appearances.

Galadriel90 · 23/02/2023 22:55

It's your job as her mum to teach her why we don't comment negatively on people's appearances. It's good to try and foster empathy and for her to understand how hearing remarks like that makes others feel. You've left it quite late tbh! I don't really understand why you wouldn't teach your kids that from the get go.

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