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Original poster

DD just had her 1 year Jabs DP cross

71 replies

Magenta82 · 22/02/2023 17:20

I took DD for her 1 year Jabs today, she is 16 months but there were some delays to the previous ones that meant everything got pushed back.

She has a little temperature, is clingy, grumpy and sleepy, nothing unexpected but not nice for her and she seems quite poorly.

DP is really angry and upset, he doesn't trust that the Jabs are what "they tell us" he blames them for his son's speech delays and behaviour problems, says he was never the same after having them.

He is really worried, says DDs eyes don't have the same spark anymore, that she won't be the same and the Jabs will make her dull and harm her.

He says he doesn't blame me but wishes I hadn't taken her.

I wish I hadn't told him, but she is obviously poorly and has been half asleep on me most of the afternoon. He asked what was wrong and I didn't want to lie.

I don't know why I'm posting, I know they are safe, that there is no link with any kind of vaccinations and any kind of neurodivergence and anyway even if there were dying or going blind from measles is worse than autism.

But right now I feel awful, sick and want to cry, DD is so sleepy, temp of 38.5 and cries when I put her down. Just need some reassurance.

OP posts:

berksandbeyond · 22/02/2023 20:15

alanabennett · 22/02/2023 20:07

That's really unkind. He's mentally ill, not stupid.

Show quote history

It’s entirely possible to be both

BowiesJumper · 22/02/2023 20:15

She’ll be fine. It sounds like he needs to go back to the doctor to ask for more help though. You don’t want him to Emer danger himself, you or your daughter.

Rainallnight · 22/02/2023 20:15

I’m sorry, OP, I posted before I saw that your DP has serious mental health issues. I wish your DD better and I hope things with your DP improve.

Interested in this thread?

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1 year olds

HashtagShitShop · 22/02/2023 20:54

I very nearly died from whooping cough at 2 years old and most likely would have done if I hadn't had the jab for that (alongside the others) More than 35 years on my mum remembers every second of how poorly I was one particular night and how she was certain I wasn't going to be there come the next morning.

You did the right thing for you and your daughter. his reaction isn't normal and hampered by his mental health condition as you know but it's not fair of him to take it out on the two of you or for his daughter to see him behaving that way as it would likely make her feel even worse if she catches on that daddy is upset and acting like this because he thinks she's going to be seriously ill or worse. Can he call the doctor tomorrow to make an appt for him?

Woodendonkey · 22/02/2023 21:11

Is it safe to be around your husband? Talk about her not being the same and the spark having gone from her eyes and crying really worries me.

Cocobutt · 22/02/2023 21:13

I’m sorry your DP isn’t being supportive and it sounds like he has a lot going on.

You absolutely did the right thing and you sound incredibly level headed.

How is DP on a day to day basis?

This must be very hard for you too and I’m wondering if it would be better to live separately whilst he is having his treatment, so he can focus on himself and you can focus on yourself and your young DC.

Lavender14 · 22/02/2023 21:15

Honestly I'd be really worried that he's going to be so busy looking out for any and all signs that something is 'wrong' that'll he'll convince himself regardless. All that you've described are normal reactions and signs that their wee body is doing exactly as it should in response. I would really struggle to stay with a partner who had such deeply different views to me on parenting choices and I'd worry that he'll subconsciously treat her differently as a result of his own confirmation bias.

gemloving · 22/02/2023 21:31

His anxiety is taking over. DD will be fine.

My nephew is unvaxxed and was very speech delayed.

ItchyBillco · 22/02/2023 21:32

He needs to go. Anywhere, literally anywhere other than where he is now. He’s going to completely freak you out.

WishyWashtsWash · 22/02/2023 21:39

Did you both discuss the jabs prior to the baby having them? Thoughts about them
etc or did you knowing he would be upset take your baby anyway ?

Ponderingwindow · 22/02/2023 21:40

I was nervous about vaccinating dd at first because of a family history of severe adverse reactions. Those 1 in a million kind of reactions. DH and I worked closely with her doctor and came up with a plan that made sure she got all her shots, but helped control my worry.

did you and your partner not discuss this in advance?

***

shorter term, she is a baby who doesn’t feel great today. Even adults often don’t feel their best after a vaccination. His mood won’t be helping her. If having him there is making things harder for you, it is perfectly ok to tell him to remove himself from the situation.

AreBearsCatholic · 22/02/2023 22:14

Woodendonkey · 22/02/2023 21:11

Is it safe to be around your husband? Talk about her not being the same and the spark having gone from her eyes and crying really worries me.

Yes, this stands out.
I would be suggesting 111 or a&e for him as he’s delusional and it’s focused on the child.

Eatentoomanyroses · 22/02/2023 22:22

My dd reacted to all the jabs and had high temps. She is over two now and runs rings around everyone. Don’t worry

HedwigIsMyDemon · 22/02/2023 22:27

The anti vax rhetoric is everywhere and for those susceptible it’s hard to ignore. I’m sorry your dh is being so unsupportive and hope you and him get help x

Jdjdntbhh · 22/02/2023 22:33

I remember being told they will be snotty and/or spotty and/or grotty

it’s always a worry that anything administered to a small child could have an adverse effect

my children’s experience will be different to others but they were usually a bit unwell for a few days

Louisa259 · 22/02/2023 22:58

Sending you all some virtual support.
Hopefully your daughter will be back to normal tomorrow.
I think people have been very unfair to your poor DP. he is clearly suffering himself. I struggle with OCD so I know how thoughts can spiral even over something others wouldn't give a second thought to. ❤️❤️❤️

Original poster

Magenta82 · 23/02/2023 01:16

We are all safe and were never in any danger, but I appreciate everyone's concerns.

DD has tonsillitis, she threw up again and her temperature wasn't going down and she was overly drowsy so I phoned 111 and they said to take her to the out of hours doctor. At first they dismissed me as panicking over the vaccines, but when the doctor checked her throat there were spots on her tonsils.

When we got back DP gave us both a cuddle and made me a cup of tea.

OP posts:

HateEatingInTheDark · 23/02/2023 02:00

She would be ALOT more ill if she caught one of those illnesses that you are protecting her from !

Original poster

Magenta82 · 23/02/2023 07:21

I know she would, but tonsillitis on top of the MMR reaction made her pretty poorly and we were both worried about her.

OP posts:

Footle · 23/02/2023 07:39

@Magenta82 Well done, in a difficult situation.

Bippetyboppityboob · 23/02/2023 07:42

Glad you got her checked out, but don't let his paranoia give you anxiety over it too. Your child will catch many many illnesses over the next few years, some they sleep off without issue and some which make them quite poorly. You don't need his influence to plant the seed that everything is terrible, down to vaccines or because she's damaged or whatever.

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