The ADHD inability to do anything because something is happening later...

[jonnyfancypants]

It's so annoying as I can't remember the word right now (bloody ADHD/perimenopause).
It's that state of being where you are waiting for something to happen, so you can't do anything before the thing. It's driving me mad. ^
I'm sat here pissing about on MN, because I'm waiting for DS to be picked up by his friend's mum as they're going out for the afternoon. She's late (but that's usual for her). So I'm just "stuck" I can't start or get into anything useful until he's gone. Not because I have to entertain him, he's happily gaming. But it's the anxiety of waiting, and especially now she's late and I'm frustrated.
This is a really annoying issue on school days. My elder DS gets up at 7.30, and gets himself in the shower then dressed. He needs to leave just after 8. Unfortunately he needs geeing up to then do everything else (breakfast teeth shoes pick up bag etc and to leave on time). Now I could have a shower myself whilst he's having breakfast, but I just can't and I'm anticipating and getting anxious so I just FREEZE! Then once he's gone my youngest gets up and it starts again. Which is ok if I'm WFH but not if I have to be somewhere at 9.

How do I stop the freezing??^

Oh yes I know exactly what you mean and I struggle with this a lot. The only thing I've found that helps is using a timer and doing a task I know I can get completely done in, say, 15 mins or whatever. In fact I've started doing this a lot at other times and it sort of takes the anxiety away a bit. Only a bit though and not every time. I'm definitely a work in progress. There is a name for it...

I think that's pretty normal, I can't stand waiting for people either. And it's Sod's Law that the minute you get in shower someone will need you attention! I always wait until my kids are safely packed off until I can do anything that requires me to concentrate.

Executive function.... inertia?

I call it my ADHD waiting room

Its called anticipation anxiety and isnt necessarily about ADHD although can co exist obviously

I don't have ADHD, although I often wonder if I should look in to it. But we are dropping the kids off somewhere at 6pm tonight and apparently my brain has decided I can do nothing else until then. There is so much I could be doing. Instead, I'm laying on my bed. I feel your pain

Waiting Mode! I was only looking in to this yesterday because I’m tired of it risking my life.

Ruling not risking 🙄

I'm like this too but I don't have ADHD. I sometimes overcome it by just doing something useful and short lived nearby eg. Empty dishwasher while kids have breakfast etc

I also get this! I get stressed about messing up times, so setting alarms on my phone helps. So, if I need to leave at 8.30am, I set an alarm for 8.15am, so I don’t get distracted by some other task.

Yep. Waiting mode. It's the pits.

Ohhhhhhh.

I need to learn more about this.

🙋‍♀️ me too. Husband is going out soon so I can't possibly do anything until he's gone. I mean I could but I'm on here instead!

You get frozen because your focus is on the Thing You Have To Do. Focus is already difficult so you end up with The Thing becoming so huge in your head, it pretty much paralyses you. I have adhd and autism. It's definitely a thing.

Really interesting to read this related to ADHD. Young man I support who has ADHD among other diagnosis and medical issues (the main reason for my involvement) won't have breakfast before we go out for the day (this really effects his mood), when I asked him why he said 'I couldn't because I was busy waiting for you'. I laughed and said well while your waiting for me you could have breakfast. However maybe this is what he was talking about.

We call it 'buffering' in our house. It's why appointments are better in the morning.

How interesting, I didn't realise this was a thing.

I don't think I have adhd but ds15 is going through a diagnosis right now.

If I know he has to be out the door in 30 minutes I can't do a single other thing until he's gone. I think it's because I'm anxious about whether he'll remember or not and I know I'll have to remind him a million times and my entire focus is on getting him out the door. Even though he's in his bedroom doing something completely different and not thinking about what he's got to do next at all.

He lives in the moment and I live in a constant state of anxiety over moving him on to the next moment.

I don't have ADHD but i have exactly this. You articulated it really well. I do suffer from anxiety.

I do have adhd & my DH calls it buffering.

I did some coaching & now aim to do one thing a day! Also a bit on organising urgent, important & now-urgent stuff as that helps with overwhelm.

Big whiteboard & writing stuff down to get it out of the tumble drier that is my brain.

I always feel like this so distract myself with 'input'. Try using a podcast, an audiobook or something interesting from bbc sounds to get 'input' and try completing one task.
Don't spend too long finding the perfect 'input' though

Yes! Adhd here. Diagnosed 2 year ago so still getting used to what's "normal" and what's adhd related.
I work 2pm to 10pm and can't possibly do anything in the mornings as I'm waiting to go to work. However I could never work mornings (7am to 2pm) because there is no way I could be up and ready for 7am!

Do you also leave things to last minute? I'm due at work in 30 mins. It's a 15 min drive. Yet I'm currently still in my pyjamas.

I do this! And waiting for assessment.

Scrolling on here till my dc get picked up by ex. I couldn’t do another task even if it was quick.

I do this. My profession is predominately working in the evenings. I’m dreading going back to work. Waiting all day to work! I use to offer work hours in the morning from 7am. All my colleagues thought I was mad but I’d love to have it over an done with so I can get on with my day.

I am exactly the same and always have been. I don't know why it has to be blamed on ADHD though. At this rate, it will be neurotypical people that are rare.