The ADHD inability to do anything because something is happening later...

[jonnyfancypants]

It's so annoying as I can't remember the word right now (bloody ADHD/perimenopause).
It's that state of being where you are waiting for something to happen, so you can't do anything before the thing. It's driving me mad. ^
I'm sat here pissing about on MN, because I'm waiting for DS to be picked up by his friend's mum as they're going out for the afternoon. She's late (but that's usual for her). So I'm just "stuck" I can't start or get into anything useful until he's gone. Not because I have to entertain him, he's happily gaming. But it's the anxiety of waiting, and especially now she's late and I'm frustrated.
This is a really annoying issue on school days. My elder DS gets up at 7.30, and gets himself in the shower then dressed. He needs to leave just after 8. Unfortunately he needs geeing up to then do everything else (breakfast teeth shoes pick up bag etc and to leave on time). Now I could have a shower myself whilst he's having breakfast, but I just can't and I'm anticipating and getting anxious so I just FREEZE! Then once he's gone my youngest gets up and it starts again. Which is ok if I'm WFH but not if I have to be somewhere at 9.

How do I stop the freezing??^

I have this and have adhd too. It’s because my mind won’t take on something else until the decks are clear!

This is me to a tee. I'm autistic but also have adhd traits. I get so anxious about The Thing that I can't do anything else in the meantime. I had a GP appointment at 4.30 yesterday and literally wasted the entire day beforehand.

Buffering is a great description.

I am good at managing this with alarms, scheduling and even including a generous “before awkward event” allowance if I suspect something will trigger it.

But it is just something my brain does. I’ve found workarounds. But not a way to make it not happen.

Does medication help?

Executive dysfunction and decision paralysis

I’m going out at 7 which means I’m in complete wait mode until about 6.30 when I deem it late enough to get ready which will take longer than expected and I will inevitably be late.

Inexplicable and infuriating but here we are. No tips but solidarity 😅

Because it's a recognised trait in ADHD. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen to NT people. Your post was a bit snarky on an "everyone thinks they have ADHD these days" type of way. Just try and understand that a diagnosis of ADHD comes from symptoms and traits like this one having a significant and disabling impact on your life.

I’m impressed you give yourself half hour
I’m guilty of waiting till 7 which is ridiculous now. Friends give me a different time to meet so I have some hope of getting there

The point is though that its a 'human' trait. Its called anticipation anxiety, its not uncommon. A lot of people dont even realise thats what they do or how they're feeling so unless they've been through an assessment for particular disorders they might not even recognise it or hear someone else talking about it.

Very diplomatically put.

Everyone has traits, it's when that they cause problems to a clinical level that you get a diagnosis. You know, like not being able to work or function properly, this stuff matters and being sniffy about it causes distress.

I have dyspraxia which comes with adhd traits. I do this and it drives me mad. Also waiting for someone like the gp surgery or school to ring me back. I can't do anything else because I'm Waiting For A Phone Call.

This thread has blown my mind !!

I just put it down to lazyitist behaviour 🤔.

Everything... everyone has said resonates with me .

Other people are like me .
Soo much to say but I won't bore you all ....but just to say ...
I feel in a good place reading this.

Sorry for everyone's struggles and stuff...but so nice to not feel alone x

AHH just read another post ...
Yes waiting for the phone call !

I deal with alot of (all) my mum's medical stuff.
GP rings me ....so I have to be available from 1pm to 6pm .

Lots of time to get a wash on...ironing...dinner prepared...

Nope NADA ...just waiting for the phone to ring !!

I also experience this. I've no diagnosis but think I may have adhd and dyspraxia. I've started to write a list of things I have to do to get them out of my head. I then score off the list after I've completed. I can only seem to concentrate on one thing. It's almost a relief when I'm in work and know that I just have work to concentrate it. In fact I think the busier I am the more organised I am

I have this but only in my home life. So at work I can be teaching a full day of different subjects, deliver am assembly and run a training session. At home I wait for the washing to finish etc unless I have an online meeting that I can put loads of washing on throughout.

I've got ADHD , I get this , so annoying

Oh god me too. If Im working in the afternoon it ruins the whole day.

Same here, and it's why I hate leaving voicemails because then I'm waiting for the call back which, for some reason, stops me settling into any tasks. If I want to do anything I always have to plan it for the mornings as I'll never get anything useful done before hand. I'll be stuck waiting to start that thing. Bloody annoying waste of time 🙄

Hey bizzey, come over to the nd mumsnetters' board and any questions you have can be answered.

Oh it's really easy to solve it. You just waste time on MN until the thing is imminent, and then panic! HTH

No but really - I wonder if doing something like general cleaning/tidying would fill the gap better, since that doesn't really matter if you get interrupted? I do not mean get everything out of a doom cupboard and into 5 piles that will just get kicked over and forgotten. But more like the Slob Comes Clean approach like take one thing that you can see in the wrong place and put it where it should go or into a rubbish bin or donate bag.

But yes, I think what it is is a fear of being interrupted, because we know from experience that fucks up tasks.

Or a fear that we'll get so absorbed in the task we will forget everyone and everything and time even exist and miss the thing we're waiting for.

That's where it comes from, I think.

The latter for me. Fear of forgetting the thing. I get distracted so easily.

Yes, this is me.

I don't like being interrupted so really struggle if I start a task and then have to stop part way through. I also need a buffer between tasks so really struggle to jump onto something else like a teams call. I can't remember having this problem when I was younger but life used to be much simpler than it is now.

DH works in IT and his previous company actively avoided staff task switching as it's so detrimental to productivity. They would work on one project solidly and not expect staff to jump around between projects. I just wish I worked in a team that advocated that!

Definitely this.

Then there's traps like The Washing Machine Minute to completely screw up any well-intentioned planning, as well as good old looking all over the house for the keys that are in your pocket/ hand.

Something I totally love is Rock The Housework podcasts, so they have the actual times in them, and if I pick one that's 5 minutes shorter than the time avaliable, I have a fighting chance of being productive, not getting carried away, and not forgetting The Thing.

I have no diagnoses, but DS1 collects them (ASD & dyspraxia are his two big ones), DS2 is dyslexic, and the more I find out about ADHD in women, the more I wonder who the hell's been spying on me for 40 years. Yes, I set fire to the school science lab because of thinking about how I needed to concentrate really hard...

There is the wider health issue for me that is if I have a "special project" where I have to concentrate (hyper-focus) then my health, self-care and fitness stuff ceases.

Lol the washing machine minute. Who programs those things.