Ok, I know your pain. A member of my extended family is same. I have a vegan and vegetarian and meat eaters , fairly free and Christ knows what at some meals. Bloody nightmare.
Heres what I do:
- I cook something that is served with lots of veg side dishes avoiding side dishes with cheese, dairy etc. That isn’t so difficult: herbs, spices, nice oils etc can pack a punch and make them really interesting . Buy some more unusual veggies . Roasted veg (in a flavoured oil or just good quality oil) is always a winner.
- I will then cook meat or fish main as normal- I will then choose a vegan based substitute as close as possible. So if I’m doing a a Sunday lunch with a roast- I’ll do a cauliflower roasted (some great easy recipes out there), if I’m doing A casserole I’ll do some lentils in same flavourings. I’ll sometimes use plant based ,meat substitutes (I have individuals list of which brands they prefer) such as making a sausage stew or chili - I’ll make the basic base with non dairy then split and add meat to one and vegan option to other.
- for starters, I’ve often replaced shellfish, or fishy starters with something like Jerusalem artichokes with a herb salsa (they sort of work like scallops if you boil first), or delia smiths roasted piedmont peppers , or roasted tomatoes and fennel, maybe some very garlicky herby mushrooms, A little veg dish on its own.
- I stay clear of dairy in savoury stuff for both vegan and meat people- not too difficult . Good oils, vinegars, herbs, spices and seeds/nuts can add the flavour you’d miss.
- for puds I recommend using oatly creams and milks. To be frank I’ve switched to this for custards . Oatly double cream can be whipped even and comes out tasting like Chantilly cream . There are tones of recipes using bicarb and vinegar raising and not eggs , and use plant based fats. Really, truely, I’ve done some lovely puds and cakes that don’t taste worse and aren’t a compromise, that both vegan and meat eater, vegetarians, non diaries and even non glutens can all cope with and come back for seconds with.
for me it is about avoiding meat replacements unless it really doesn’t make sense, big up the amount of veg you’ll serve anyway, switch butter for oil and bags of other flavours, and you can pull off a lovely meal where you’re all nearly eating the same thing but just a few small substitutions
be careful with cross contamination. I always prep all vegan items and dishes first and make sure they’re covered and segregated before I bring out meat, any butter I might use, fish etc….as I say becuase I cook same base for a meal where possible this isn’t hard - get the mirepoix prepared and cooked as a combined amount, and then split out to add the vegan option, get that covered and cooking, then use rest of mirepoix and get meat /fish out to add. I tend to do puds in advance the day before, so I have time to do the bit of “double cooking” I need to do.
but yep, it is a faff with vegans. Easier with vegetarians as most meat eaters are very happy with interesting and well flavoured vegetarian mains and starters anyway, so you can do one dish. Piscarians are a delight- I’d eat fish all day as well as most of the family.
I make less effort to always cook something different for vegan visitors than I do for others - I’ve got a set of dishes I do for them and they’ll get that on repeat over a few years. If push comes to shove, when I’m cooking for big gatherings and have limited oven and hob space, I do ask the guest to bring their own starter or main or even pud sometimes- luckily they’re also a good cook and are happy to do this without thinking I’m a poor host- they know I will cook something lovely for them if possible, whenever possible. I’ve even asked guest to prep and bring all the puds needed for everyone while I do mains and starters- they literally bought a bakery with them of some extraordinary and delicious vegan cakes and puds - people were going home with enormous doggy bags of left over,puds 🤣🤣🤷🏼♀️