Why do some women do this?

[PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog]

I am a university academic and work with a woman who, despite having a PhD which would suggest that she is both intelligent and capable, does and gets away with the helpless girly girl thing. She's all giggly and flirty and will do the crying and protect me routine to get people men in the department to do things she does not want to do. I've worked with her a few years and thought her a little bit annoying. However, this week I have being doing some KIT days to get ready to return to work after Mat leave with DC 2 and I have felt really annoyed with her behaviour. Does she not realise that she is setting other women back?! I have autism, I struggle to do things, but I mask at work and I am damn proud of my PhD and being able to look after myself, yet she seems to relish being seen as vulnerable... I suppose I just want to see if other's have experienced similar and if anyone would admit to behaving like this, why?

Sorry my dd not my DAD 😂

Not being deliberately goady but I am not completely sure that I like the tone and tenor of this thread. I am not an academic or an expert on feminist language, just an ordinary middle aged woman, but surely there is some internal misogyny going on when you label someone “girly”?

As if a stern unemotional male persona is without question the best work model?

And for that matter I have known plenty of men who flirt in the work place or who cover their incompetence with bluster. I am aware the thread is not about men though.

I suppose I am just not sure I accept the premise that there are a group of women who do this deliberately!

Everyone has different personalities, and come from different backgrounds, some are more self confident than others. Some may come across as “people pleasers” when actually they are just massively lacking in confidence, or slightly young and naieve or they do genuinely want to please others. I know it took me years to build up the self confidence to question someone’s authority or instructions at work. Lots of women over a certain ages were raised to be “submissive, nice, and polite”.

Perhaps I am wrong and naieve but lots of people put on a facade in the work place to cover up various insecurities and when you get to know them they can drop the mask and be more authentic with you.

I agree Ryebread. Well put. I am only just learning how to behave like a professional adult in the workplace and I'm fantastically old.

I find it more irritating that men fall for it and let her away with it. If she can use it to get what she wants and it works why wouldn't she use to to her advantage. It's the men who fall for it that I find pathetic

I think it's best to be yourself and ignore how other people behave. Some people are annoying, ridiculous, silly, but if you are happy with how you behave then other people's behaviour becomes their problem, not yours.

I'm only going to comment once more on this, but many of you seem to be looking for a one-size-fits-all answer.

That simply isn't the case. I'm sure there are some very manipulative women who do indeed use their femininity as a tactic to gain what they want.

Others, it may be an unconscious habit since it's always worked for them.

Still further women may have more complex issues to do with their own self-worth and early experiences, and it's not a conscious pattern of behaviour.

I really dislike putting all women who display some traits like this (or any other) in one box; it's reductive, generalistic, and fairly demeaning.

Came on to say this. Perhaps send her a YouTube clip and say ‘this is you.’

Obvs don’t do that but oh if you could…

I’m an academic in a team of women academics with PhDs. I’ve seen no such behaviour. It isn’t about intelligent women, but this particular one.

You do you.

That's better 😂

I think it is important to remember that the responsibility for change rests with the oppressors (men) not victims who feel unable to break away from the oppressive structure.

Yes, it is irritating and unhelpful, but it isn't her fault that she lives in a society that values women for helplessness and that she lacks the personal strength to fight against this.

Yes, it is irritating and unhelpful, but it isn't her fault that she lives in a society that values women for helplessness and that she lacks the personal strength to fight against this.

Don't you think this is infantalising women a bit? It keeps women in the fluffy, helpless, needs a someone to look after them box that the OP finds so irritating. Women are human beings with agency, you know.

This. I had a lazy friend who used to do this.

Yes I worked with a girl who did this constantly. It’s so transparent too.

Slightly different, but it also seems to work well for certain ‘instagrammers’, the whole ditzy, silly little me act…

I’ve come across a few women like that over the years. It’s infuriating.

If it works for her....?

Men use strategic incompetence to get women to do things for them all the time.

This is absolutely true. The 'I'm too silly and fluffy to do that, please help big man' is just the others side of the 'men just don't see dirt, don't notice what needs to be done' coin. In both sexes there are individuals who will try and get others to shoulder their load.

I have to admit to feeling the same. I have always preferred working with men, more than women. Less fakeness, and drama overall.

I consider myself lucky to have never encountered this is my 40 plus years working.

People are different. It's just her personality, one that you don't gel with and that's okay. Maybe her upbringing has something to do with it (most things usually do)

I'm a bit on the fence here.

Growing up in the seventies, I was absolutely clear that my mother's feminine, fawning man-pleasing style was not going to be for me.

Starting getting more serious, senior roles from the '80s I loved my power suit jackets and high heels. Out of work, my style is much more natural and casual.

Now in my sixties at work, I am finally (sic) secure enough to be more relaxed and open about when I am struggling. My colleagues have responded very positively, I find they are more supportive and cooperative, the more open I am about my own challenges.

Not suggesting it's an easy balance to strike, I wouldn't judge anyone else's choices for where they put themselves. It's tough out there, let's support each other.

I find these comments so sexist. In fact this thread is pretty sexist.

I have worked with primarly women and have loved it. I love my female friends and collegues. They are smart, suportive, kind. I would be lost without my girlfriends.

But what is giggly and girly? And what's wrong with being girly? Why does being giggly mean you be capable and intelligent?

I've worked with people who cry easily, but I've not actually experienced anyone use this as a manipulation tactic for men in the work place.

I work in a mainly male environment.

I'd never get away with behaving like your woman at work. Nor would I want to.

I've had to work hard to get where I am and we all chip in together.

That said my team are all nice men. None of them are sexist in work or would fall for any of the helpless me act.

They usually call me in if a difficult conversation needs to be had.

She sounds nervous

You can be intelligent and giggly. Intelligent and drop things you can be intelligent and forgetful/scatterbrained

Theres horrendous sexism in medicine, particularly in certain specialities. I'm not surprised someone might feel nervous in Male company given some of the vile, bullying behaviour I've witnessed from men