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Original poster

So many not RSVP'ing to kids party invite

55 replies

GummyBearMummyBear · 15/02/2023 09:08

Looking for a bit of advice re. DS birthday party. Beginning of last week we handed in invites to the school. The teacher handed them all out at the end of the day as the kids were getting picked up. We handed out 20 in total, 5 came back that evening confirming they were coming - the rest, nothing!! We asked them to rsvp by the end of last week as we need to confirm numbers with venue, but still nothing.

15 people just not replying seems an awful lot to me. He is only in reception so I don't know loads of parents yet. We do have a WhatsApp group with all the parents in the class, however due to restrictions on numbers allowed at venue we couldn't invite the whole class. A friend of mine told me not to message parents on that to remind them as those whose kids didn't get invited will be offended. I am not sure this would offend me as I understand how kids parties work/can't always invite whole class etc, so just wanted to gauge opinion on this!

OP posts:
MrNook · 15/02/2023 09:13

I agree I wouldn't message the entire group, lots will feel left out

underneaththeash · 15/02/2023 09:17

Can you not work out from the names on what's app/pictures who is who. Or ask one of the other parents to help you out.

frozendaisy · 15/02/2023 09:18

Can you just message the ones you need a response from privately.

"Hi Susan, hope you and family are enjoying the half term break. Just a quick one because I need to confirm numbers at the venue, did you get Harry's invite from Fred, if not I can send you details, just need to know if Harry is able to join in the birthday fun on or not. If you could let me know that would be much appreciated. Thanks"

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sashagabadon · 15/02/2023 09:18

Could you just message the non respondees individually. People don’t reply/ want to commit too far in advance. Is that the problem? When is the party?

plumduck · 15/02/2023 09:18

You're going to have to message each parent seperately

Figgygal · 15/02/2023 09:22

People are so fucking rude over this it takes two minutes.
Surely they know themselves the stress and cost that comes from parties.

definitely dont message the group - at our school whole class parties continue through from reception to year 2 if you held up to those not invited that they weren't invited your name would be mud in the playground.
Maybe work out numbers from the WhatsApp and message directly

PrinceHaz · 15/02/2023 09:25

Message the individuals. Be prepared for people who didn’t rsvp to turn up and if they’re real CFs, to turn up with siblings.

PrinceHaz · 15/02/2023 09:26

Next time, do a whole class one. Advantages being - no one feels left out so you can chase up via group chat and the greater the pool to draw on, the more rsvps.

MaoamAddict · 15/02/2023 09:29

Message the parents separately, you should be able to get their info from the WhatsApp group

SparkleShot · 15/02/2023 09:30

I sent out invites just over a week ago. Some of the parents are my friends, I already knew they were coming before I gave the kids invites. Of the others I've had a 50% response rate.

First kids party, I just assumed everyone would reply yes/no when they got the invite. Stupidly didn't put an RSVP date. Maybe next time I'll not put the exact time on or something!

If I had a WhatsApp group I'd try to work out who's who and message them individually but not sure about a whole group message that's (best case) irrelevant for a lot of people or (worst case) offensive for people who wanted an invite.

I'm no help really. Sorry!

milkysmum · 15/02/2023 09:33

Definitely message individually. Either get their details off the group what's app, or look them up on Facebook and send a FB messenger request.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/02/2023 09:39

We asked them to rsvp by the end of last week as we need to confirm numbers with venue, but still nothing.

They have RSVP'd. They aren't coming.

GiltEdges · 15/02/2023 09:42

I contacted parents individually via WhatsApp for DS’s party. Got responses from them all. Paper invites get put down somewhere/lost/forgotten about 🤷‍♀️

WeCome1 · 15/02/2023 09:44

Or make a new WhatsApp group called ‘child’s party’.

Then just ask if everyone got their invitations ok.

BYOFARTSdotCOdotUK · 15/02/2023 09:44

Set up your own separate WhatsApp group just for the party, thanking those who responded and nudging everyone else
Rude fuckers though
If they don't respond to that point out that you are taking that as declining the invite and you won't be expecting them. Sugar coat it if you have to

CherieBabySpliffUp · 15/02/2023 09:44

I would guess that some of the invitations are still in the bottom of school bags. It's going to be tricky to work out who the right parents are in the WhatsApp group so I would work with how many replies plus add maybe 5 extra. You'd risk pissing off some parents if they turn up on the day and there aren't any places left though.

louise5754 · 15/02/2023 09:47

Her kid is in reception. She probably doesn't know who is the parent to which kid.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 15/02/2023 09:47

You absolutely cannot put it on the class WhatsApp, that would be the height of rudeness.

set up a separate WhatsApp and message them that way, or ask individually at nursery pick up time.

autienotnaughty · 15/02/2023 09:48

I had this it tends to be the people I know respond and other don't. So annoying! I now do a mix of cousins, friends kids and a few from school. I've never had any one just turn up. I'd message those you can individually and if don't get a response write them off. I always invite 20% more too

swashbucklecheer · 15/02/2023 09:49

Just to throw an alternative viewpoint out ... depending on how early the invites went out, some parents will not know work shift patterns, child care arrangements for other children, said other children's extra curricular commitments (the list can go on) at the time they get the invite. Then with busy lives RSVPing can go to the back of a very long to do list.

Obviously it's your priority to organise a party for your child, but other parents will not give it the same importance.

Yes RSVP if you can - it's basic manners, but just remember other people have different priorities

Natsku · 15/02/2023 09:51

Def don't put it on the group whatsapp. If you can figure out which number is for which child's parent then message them individually, otherwise I'd just confirm with the venue as the amount that have RSVP'd plus a few extra just in case some do turn up or RSVP late.
Two didn't RSVP for my son's party last week but that might be because I was a complete idiot and forgot to put his name on the invitation so they didn't know whose party their children had been invited to Grin

Original poster
GummyBearMummyBear · 15/02/2023 09:51

Thanks all for your responses. My absolute worry is that some of them just turn up on the day, I feel like that could get mega awkward!

The problem with the WhatsApp group is that I can only see the parents first names, so I have no clue who is who apart from 1/2 people. Seems sensible not to message the whole group as many suggest, as I really don't want to cause any offense or have anyone feel left out. I may have to try and hunt the parents down in the playground next week!

OP posts:
Original poster
GummyBearMummyBear · 15/02/2023 09:53

swashbucklecheer · 15/02/2023 09:49

Just to throw an alternative viewpoint out ... depending on how early the invites went out, some parents will not know work shift patterns, child care arrangements for other children, said other children's extra curricular commitments (the list can go on) at the time they get the invite. Then with busy lives RSVPing can go to the back of a very long to do list.

Obviously it's your priority to organise a party for your child, but other parents will not give it the same importance.

Yes RSVP if you can - it's basic manners, but just remember other people have different priorities

This is a fair point, I did hand them out 3 weeks early

OP posts:
wineandsun · 15/02/2023 09:54

No advice but in same situation, so frustrating as we have to pay for each child and food, so if people do just turn up there won't be a meal for their child. Only have 5 replies out of 20 too. It takes 5 minutes to text a reply.

NotMyDayJob · 15/02/2023 09:56

Individual messages and you're going to have to stalk them.

Unfortunately people are rude and also keep you on as an option. I had a whole class party last summer for DD5. Asked for rsvps two weeks before as had to confirm with venue one week before, so thought that gave reasonable time for late replies, a bit of chasing. I had people messaging me two days before the party, they were obviously waiting to see if they'd be doing anything better and when not, decided to rsvp. And I still had someone turn up on the day.