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Original poster

So many not RSVP'ing to kids party invite

55 replies

GummyBearMummyBear · 15/02/2023 09:08

Looking for a bit of advice re. DS birthday party. Beginning of last week we handed in invites to the school. The teacher handed them all out at the end of the day as the kids were getting picked up. We handed out 20 in total, 5 came back that evening confirming they were coming - the rest, nothing!! We asked them to rsvp by the end of last week as we need to confirm numbers with venue, but still nothing.

15 people just not replying seems an awful lot to me. He is only in reception so I don't know loads of parents yet. We do have a WhatsApp group with all the parents in the class, however due to restrictions on numbers allowed at venue we couldn't invite the whole class. A friend of mine told me not to message parents on that to remind them as those whose kids didn't get invited will be offended. I am not sure this would offend me as I understand how kids parties work/can't always invite whole class etc, so just wanted to gauge opinion on this!

OP posts:
MeinKraft · 15/02/2023 09:59

I see this all the time on the class whatsapp group, some pops in a party invite and about 2 people reply. Then someone will post about something else a couple of weeks later and they get a flurry of replies. People just forget.

Laurdo · 15/02/2023 10:00

People are shit. We invited 160 to our wedding, we had just over 80 come. Only a handful of those who couldn't come actually RSVPd. We were chasing folk up just weeks before the wedding. Some people confirmed they were coming very last minute then just didn't show up on the day anyway.

Lesson learned; if people really want to come they'll let you know. If they've not responded yet then they're not that bothered. Even if they're not sure the decent thing is to let you know "hey, we'd love to come but I need to confirm my shifts at work first. Will let you know by this date".

TheHauntedPencilCase · 15/02/2023 10:04

We always get a really high number of people not RSVP. If you've put a date on there I would just confirm numbers, most people know not to turn up and most places have some flex if they do. Also be wary of people bringing along siblings and adding them to the party list!

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Quitelikeacatslife · 15/02/2023 10:07

Can you enlist a friend who is also in the WhatsApp group to help you identify parents to children ,save them in your phone as Sarah(Felix) it will be useful in future too

Wheelz46 · 15/02/2023 10:16

I have never had an issue with responses to invites, maybe the odd one or two but always manage to ask at the school run.

Some parent's who don't do the school run and are not familiar with all the parent's have often put on the group whatsapp asking if the parent's of x are on there to chase up a party invite. I don't find it offensive at all if my child has not been invited and as far as I know, non of the other parents whose children haven't been invited are offended either.

The kids will see they are not invited when the invites go out, mine have never come home and said anything about not being invited to someones party so why would a parent find it rude?

LightGreenDot · 15/02/2023 14:53

Is the WhatsApp group quite active? If you type the names of the invitees one by one in the WhatsApp search you might get some hits to find out which parent is mentioning which child (eg. 'Jonny has lost his jumper, does anyone have it' type messages).

Badbudgeter · 15/02/2023 14:57

I normally create a group for birthday parties. Just add on the ones you know and then ask them who is x’s parent. Should get most of them that way fine to ask in class group who x’s parent is too.

usernotfound0000 · 15/02/2023 15:04

I would message individually. I do find this so rude. It seems generally that people don't respond if they can't make it. DD had a party last year (age 4) and invited around 25 kids from nursery. About 15 responded and turned up and just never heard from the others. Didn't bother chasing as had enough already but thought it was so rude they didn't even acknowledge the invite, it takes literally a minute!

Lkydfju · 15/02/2023 15:06

I found a lot don’t reply until the week before; it’s very annoying. Can you use the WhatsApp group information to directly message the parents?

RudsyFarmer · 15/02/2023 15:08

I think you’re going to have to go with the 5 that have confirmed. Be prepared for people to just appear on the day though 🤦🏻‍♀️

CatSpeakForDummies · 15/02/2023 15:09

Do you have a vague idea who is friends with who and which kids were at nursery together?

If you do, ask the 5 that have RSVP-Ed if they have a number for x or y, as you haven't heard from them. Work your way through the ones you are trying to contact, then you can make a WA party group.

Duckswaddle · 15/02/2023 15:24

People are rude and flakey. Had this with my son’s party last year - the anxiety of waiting to get responses! Two people dropped out on the day, although luckily(!) someone else asked on the morning of the party if it wasn’t too late for her kid to come. I don’t get it!! He had a great time but it’s hard dealing with other parents.
Not doing it again that’s for sure!

endoftheworldniteclub · 15/02/2023 15:27

Where I live thank god it’s not been allowed for at least 15 years to leave invitations at the school/nursery. It’s something parents have to do themselves privately. And it’s not the teacher’s job either. Can’t believe people think it’s ok to stand there and hand out invitations to some but not everyone. It’s just cruel.

WeeM · 15/02/2023 15:33

honestly it’s a nightmare-i handed out about 25 and a week before the party I only had got about 10 replies….ended up with almost the full 25 there though in the end so I def wouldn’t take no response to mean they aren’t coming! People are just busy and forget I guess. And at that age there’s so many parties happening. Can you work out who is whose parent from the chat where they’ve mentioned their child maybe? Might be laborious if it’s a busy chat though!

ladykale · 15/02/2023 15:49

GummyBearMummyBear · 15/02/2023 09:08

Looking for a bit of advice re. DS birthday party. Beginning of last week we handed in invites to the school. The teacher handed them all out at the end of the day as the kids were getting picked up. We handed out 20 in total, 5 came back that evening confirming they were coming - the rest, nothing!! We asked them to rsvp by the end of last week as we need to confirm numbers with venue, but still nothing.

15 people just not replying seems an awful lot to me. He is only in reception so I don't know loads of parents yet. We do have a WhatsApp group with all the parents in the class, however due to restrictions on numbers allowed at venue we couldn't invite the whole class. A friend of mine told me not to message parents on that to remind them as those whose kids didn't get invited will be offended. I am not sure this would offend me as I understand how kids parties work/can't always invite whole class etc, so just wanted to gauge opinion on this!

Out of interest, what did you base the invite list on since he's in reception??

I feel like whole class parties or out of school friends & family is the best option at this age

SomeCommonThing · 15/02/2023 15:54

Echoing the other pps.

We had 2 not rsvp at all for DS party, didn't come. One of them requested the invite twice as it was lost, but didn't come haha.
Another said yes and just didn't turn up.

Original poster
GummyBearMummyBear · 15/02/2023 15:57

@ladykale so we asked the teacher for a list of the kids he played with the most, we asked for 15 names max but she gave us 20, so we just went with that. I was a bit unsure and did ask if this would be ok, but she said fine she gets asked to do this all the time.

I think I'll have to try and stalk them down in the playground next week, and possibly assume a few more might just turn up on the day. Maybe I'll think of something other than a party for next year - such a faff!! DS none the wiser however!

OP posts:
Bunchamunchacarrots · 15/02/2023 16:03

I think that inviting 20 out of 30 children is so rude and singles out the 10 that are left out.

If numbers are limited at the venue, invite 10 close friends or 15 max.

Bunchamunchacarrots · 15/02/2023 16:05

Me too. I have an autistic child who loves parties but is rarely invited and she notices because of this type of shit.

Raindancer411 · 15/02/2023 16:06

Maybe hand out a little note to the teacher to send back with the kids when they are back?

sanityisamyth · 15/02/2023 16:09

I have exactly the same problem when organising activities for Cubs. Some parents reply instantly. Others you have to ask 7 or 8 times before they finally tell you the day before that their child is coming. Makes everything a million times harder to plan!

Bikechic · 15/02/2023 17:25

You could chase up the whole class via watts app. Anyone who didn't get invited the first time will just think invite got lost by their child. You probably won't get more than 20, especially if you give a deadline.

BippityBopper · 15/02/2023 17:55

Did you see the teacher actually hand them out?

We've not had invites make it home and have only realised DS has been invited due to the parent chasing up.

I've also seen kids dropping things on the floor when leaving school. They're not the most reliable couriers. Even just 3metres from their classroom to their parent.

GlassBunion · 15/02/2023 18:02

No, please don't write notes for the teacher to hand out... it really isn't what teachers are for.

It's the parents' problem.

Honestly, and I really wish primary parents had some gumption, but just arrange the party for those who have responded. They will usually be the closest friends.

Should a non-responder turn up just say ' oh! We weren't expecting you as you didn't respond ! I'm so sorry but we haven't catered for your child' whilst smiling sweetly and giving a head tilt . If they respond with 'but my child expected this' just respond with ' you should have responded to the invite.'

Parents really need to step up on this very common faux pas.

Anon20232023 · 15/02/2023 18:13

I invited the whole class to DS reception party. Many didn't RSVP before the deadline and in fact some only did so perhaps a couple of weeks or so before the party. One had twins. Cue reordering additional items for party bags. Plus as people hadn't RSVPd then I invited his non class friends from nursery. Ended up with more people overall than planned due to late RSVPs from class. Then, we were down a lunchbox because someone turned up without RSVPing. Some siblings also turned up which messed up the cake situation.

My point is parents aren't alway organised so it's worth chasing them individually but you are likely to have late RSVPs.