Tired of being ugly

[Lostinplaces]

I’ve always been quite average looking but as I get older I think I’m becoming actually quite ugly. Boys rarely fancied me as a teen and as I became older it was also rare to have much interest from men. I did however meet my DH eventually and he disagrees that I am ugly (he’s kind) but I do get back handed compliments about my looks from other women occasionally, e.g.

“You look lovely, amazing what a bit of make-up can do.” “You look beautiful today, what did you do to your face.” “You obviously have really good makeup.” Etc.

The comments weren’t said in a bitchy way but just rather clumsily. I’ve been able to laugh at them but recently I’m just sick and tired of being ugly. I don’t know if it’s a touch of paranoia but I feel like other people (males especially but women too) are occasionally less polite to me, more likely to be blunt, inconsiderate, rude etc or treat me differently because I’m not nice to look at.

I think I probably have elements of body dysmorphia but I don’t think I’m the ugliest person in the world, just a bit uglier than your average person. I’m 40 and feel like a pathetic teenager wishing she was a pretty girl, but I genuinely do feel that way, tired of feeling second class, tired of seeing this face in the mirror. Wishing for once I could just be genuinely beautiful. Gosh I’m pathetic.

Maybe I’m just a self obsessed, paranoid weirdo. I don’t know. I’m having CBT and taking antidepressants but still finding it hard to accept this is my face.
Anywho that’s my dumb rant, no idea what I want from this thread,none of you can wave a magic wand and fix my face 😆

I’m a bit below average. But I was made to feel really ugly, first by my parents then by men. And now it makes me so cross to look back on that. I spent so much time being so depressed about my looks and it was an utter waste. When I should have just said “fuck them”. I am so much more than just my outer appearance.

I’m now in my 50s and I don’t look good. But now I finally don’t give a shit! Anyone who would base their opinion of me on how I look is not worth knowing. As for strangers in the street, who cares? I have lots of other things I’d rather spend my money on than beauty products, Botox, hairdressers etc. whatever I did would only marginally improve things anyway! I realised acceptance was much healthier. And actually since I started to care less, I actually think I look better when I look in the mirror. Maybe because I’m not focusing on all the flaws.

I had a couple of things that really bothered me about my appearance so had surgery and felt loads better, only regret was waiting as long as I did.

However my self esteem was always good and overall my life didn't change, I never expected it to change.

Im sure people will pile on saying surgery is not the answer and its shallow, but if there is an aspect about your appearance that you hate you could look into changing it.

Don't be rough on yourself. The remarks about you looking better with make up. Well that is why we wear it. Otherwise what would be the point? Ever seen models/actresses without their make up. Cindy Crawford famously said that even she does not wake looking like 'Cindy Crawford'.

I was an ugly child, bloomed a little in my teens/twenties, and have gone downhill since.

However, for those celebrating your invisibility in your forties/fifties, there is even better news. Having recently turned 60, I've noticed over the past few years strangers tend to be kinder, more considerate of me. I'm childfree but younger people, male and female, seem to get a motherly vibe from me that was not there previously. So much so, a few have asked me to adopt them/said they wished their mother was more like me. 🙂

Based on my own experience, I believe there is hope we will be considered more kindly/treated better as we age just for being us.

I think this is all in your head. Sorry. Nobody else is dwelling on your looks. If you felt stronger within yourself, you’d probably feel ok about your looks, however they were.

Op, it's awful to feel like this. I have been there in the past. I wasn't a very attractive child or teen or even young adult in my twenties. I hated caring so much about how unattractive I felt and I was always thinking how life is just so much easier for pretty people and I was right it is.
I am 40 also and for the last nearly ten years, I've become a lot more attractive. I'm not trying to sound big headed or cocky but I have had strangers tell me how beautiful I am, I have men constantly staring at me and always attract men over to me chatting me up on nights out.But I have out in the effort and have nailed the look that suits me.I see people looking at me all the time on a daily basis and it's the look for admiration and people are nicer to me now than when I was in my younger years and it's awful but True. I am aware how horrible my above sentence makes me sound, I really debated replying. But naturally good looking people don't feel it's right to admit that they are beautiful but because I have been where you are now, I feel I have to make these comments to make you see it's easy to change. I want to be brutally honest if I am to help you. I honestly don't wake up looking as good as I do when I'm out and about. The first thing was micro blading my eyebrows few years ago, the change in my appearance was huge. Your eyebrows frame your face. But please don't go to the cheapest person you can find, ask somebody who you regard as stylish and see can they recommend someone in your area who is the best. So now I wake up with amazing eyebrows and it's a start. My next step was simply new way of applying makeup. Good makeup. Your whole collection does not need to be too range but what you apply to your middle region, centre of face needs to be good quality. Can I suggest the benefit industrial concealer in the round flat container. After you moisturise and apply foundation, dab this with your fingers accross your cheeks( a shade darker than your foundation) and up towards the top of your cheekbones near your eyes, my god the difference.
Always wear mascara.
And a light coloured lip gloss.
Seriously this will really make you instantly more attractive and only takes 4 or 5 minutes max.
Your hair is the next thing. Don't get stuck in a rut if the 90's where hair was flattened onto our heads poker straight. Give it volume, make your hair large, it's way sexier, go to utube to show u different ways on doing this. Practice all this on the weekend ahead. Promise yourself that you will do this. Even one step at a time, one thing a week if you don't feel confident in doing all at once but I promise you that you will instant feel attractive and look it too.
Pleas don't go the rest of your life feeling like this when there is ways to change this

Most celebs have had corrective work. Very few people are 10/10. Be kind to yourself.

I understand OP. I've been bullied about how I look for my whole life - by my brothers at home, at primary, secondary school and at work. I feel like wearing a t-shirt that says 'I know I'm ugly, you don't have to keep pointing it out'. I met my OH online aged 38, after never having a boyfriend before. The only thing I can say is that I'm proud of myself for never giving up, despite the world being against me for something I have no control over. Keep going OP, you are a strong person.

Putin?!!! Of all the examples I wasn’t expecting him to come up!

I wish I could hug and reassure you @Lostinplaces

Of the many friends, colleagues and acquaintances I have met over the years, their looks are the least memorable to me.

When I think of them, the last thing I consider, male or female, is their looks. The most memorable are those who are animated, confident, caring and essentially, make ME feel good.

The problem is we only see our physical self in photos or the mirror, so it’s only our physical being we see. Everyone else sees your mannerisms and personality.

So hold your head up high, smile and get out there and enjoy your life. You’re not getting any younger and age catches up with all of us, looks inevitably fade but personalities flourish.

I think this too

I love this post!! I can totally relate 😂

Now in my 50s, I see the difference in how my daughters are treated (in general but mainly by men) because they are beautiful and have lovely hair and smiles. I get completely ignored when I'm with them, I may as well not be there at all 😂

People saying “the better looking don’t have to try so hard”

being pretty brings mayhem and terror.
pretty people are gaslighted and delusional

my ex husband was like “move in with me within a month, let me take you to harrords and shop let me take you to NY”
the end? Police,social services, court orders, protection orders.
why? Because I’m delusional and believed he loved me because I was pretty, he was in fact gaslighting me and was a violent person.

not being in the radar can spare you if a lot of headache and heartache.
the person who married you loves you, just love yourself and no one else matters.

I hear you OP.

I am pretty ugly. Horrible face. Really horrible knobbly nose (I don't have money for surgery). I know people look at me and take a second glance wondering if I might be a man or if there is something a bit 'off' with me.

More make up helps marginally but then also too much makes me look horrific. I have shit hair. I'm thinner than I was but still basically on the plump side of average.

I know life is easier for people who are easy to look at. There's nothing easy in here. But I do think personality counts a heap. The most vacuous horrible people I have ever known have all been attractive / thought they were attractive. And ultimately I'd much prefer to spend time with / be romantically attached to someone who was interesting and fun and kind than anything else (and I think that wish increases with age).

Still though. Someone please give me a face, hair and body swap.

I know this is an old-ish thread but I hope we can revive it as I think it’s so important. OP, thank you for being brave enough to start it and I’m sorry you feel the way you do - I empathise as I feel the same.

I have let my hatred of the way I look hold me back from so many things. It’s mainly due to my weight which all sits on my belly, bum and face. I’m really fat. I’ve tried to lose weight so many times (it’s no exaggeration to say I’ve spent £1000s at slimming clubs over the years) but I always sabotage myself. However, as I write this I am 37 days sober (something I’ve been trying to achieve for about 10 years) and am overcoming chronic depression with the help of medication. So I am going to focus on the positives, try not to care what others think (even when I see them glancing at my belly wondering whether I’m about to give birth!), get out for a walk with my dog every day and try and reduce the junk I’m eating. I refuse to give up chocolate!

I am married with 4 kids, who I love and who love me. I have a great job and at the age of 48 I finally know what I want to do with my life, and that will see me returning to college on a part-time basis next month. I can’t bloody wait!

I honestly can’t tell you the amount of times throughout my life I’ve cancelled a date with a friend, turned down a dinner invite, not worn a bikini, not chased career opportunities - all because I was embarrassed about how I looked. But, no more! And this thread has really helped, so thank you.

Well done @Pinkycloud that is absolutely amazing! You sound lovely. Just a fantastic achievement on being sober and having a plan for life.

I'm sure someone said this is upthread, but I really do think that no-one else (or at the very least far less people than we imagine) ever look twice or think the things we do about ourselves.

When I was young I had the kind of looks that were considered beautiful. But I haven't aged at all well. So I have had the experience of being better treated, being acknowledged and listened to (by men) and taking that for granted, thinking it was because of who I was, not how i looked. And since losing looks, I have had the opposite.

But ime, if we make an effort, life is easier. Good make up, haircut, clothes with a bit of personality, nice scent. Working out, so our bodies are more toned and posture stronger, movement more vibrant.

I think physical beauty is one thing - we can't create it. But there is definitely another kind of beauty that is equally - or more - attractive, not just romantically, but socially. That is a positive, dynamic energy that shines out of a person.

Two women caught my eye the other day at Clapham Junction. They were mid fifties - one with long dark hair, one with cropped grey hair. The dark one was slim, the other in a big, fake fur coat that hid her shape. But they had flair and joy as they skipped along with the energy of women half their age, chatting animatedly in their silver boots and flowing coats. I couldn't take my eyes off them. That's the kind of beauty I want to work towards now - vitality, fitness, zest for life, stylish clothes that have a bit of personality and colour.

I'd say I'm average and I have some friends who are beautiful. I can tell you I don't envy them one bit! They constantly get men hitting on with (even walking down the road to the shops) and sometimes men get obsessed with them. I just don't see the benefits. You already have a kind husband (in your words) so there's really no need for more male attention.
Personality is so much more important anyway. I think of the people I'm drawn to in life - it's all about their personalities. I never like someone because they're good looking. I like people for who they are.
Conventional beauty is such a transient thing anyway. It passes. I'm now 49 and starting to look older. I'm not saying old people can't be beautiful - of course they can,but it's a different type of beauty. As you age you realise the importance of who you are inside rather than the superficial value of having a pretty face.

So I have had the experience of being better treated, being acknowledged and listened to (by men) and taking that for granted, thinking it was because of who I was, not how i looked.

This is the thing. Women complain that dating is hard if you aren't conventionally attractive, but in many ways it's harder if you are, because it's so difficult to tell when a man likes you for you.

This can apply to friendships as well. Sounds weird, but some people prefer to have 'pretty' friends. Particularly when young.

Nothing is free in life OP, not even beauty.
If you blessed with such looks, the world will make you pay. Simple as that.