Is this a council estate thing, and if so why?

[Fluorescentwater]

Growing up my parents owned our homes, and until recently I’ve been privately renting. I’ve visited plenty of friends and boyfriends on council estates growing up though, and it seems to be a bit of a pattern that the residents there have much laxer boundaries. People are often walking in and out of each others houses uninvited, having regular garden parties that the whole street’s invited to, lending each other money every week, cooking each other meals, looking after each others kids and generally just really involved in each others lives.

I’ve always wondered if this is specific to council estates as I’ve never noticed it in privately rented/owned areas, and if so does anyone know why it tends to happen that way?

Definitely not a council estate bashing thread. I’m just curious because I’ve been looking at home swapping recently and practically every home description includes ‘neighbours are all lovely and very chatty, it’s like one big family round here’. Most places I’ve lived everyone just keeps themselves to themselves, a smile and a nod and bringing neighbours bins back in if they’ve forgotten but nothing much more than that.

I live on a council estate and it's exactly like you describe although I don't lend/borrow money or leave my kids with anyone. We are all close though and in the summer the kids will be in each others gardens a lot or we will all get a bouncy castle together some weekends in the holidays. Didnt realise it was a council estate thing and I don't know why!

I've noticed this too. I've lived in both, council estates and not. And when living in council estates, the people are kinder and more giving. I did wonder at the time whether it's because they have less, so the help each other out more? Unsure but when I lived there I felt very happy, like I was surrounded by family.

Is it that the places you're thinking of have lots of families all living close together and lots of families who have lived in the same place for many years which means they are very familiar with each other.
Not necessarily a council estate thing but a close relationship scenario.

When I first arrived on our estate, there was an established group of friends/families whose children played together in a big group and would go in and out of various houses with all parents keeping a general eye on them all. In the summer they'd all bring chairs out onto the road (dead end) and sit chatting for hours while the kids played. All very nice, very welcoming to me but I'm not into socialising in big groups so didn't join in much.

I generally think it's a nice thing but equally wouldn't want my DD going around into people's houses that I don't know very well and crossing the road etc. without adult supervision as delivery vans come flying round the corner.

nothing like that on my estate

Ime its a working class thing - the most helpful, no expectations type relationships with people / neighbours have been in working class areas. Middle class doesn't seem to happen so much and is more transactional or formal.

I lived on a council estate and now live on another one as an adult and some estates are definitely the way you describe but some definitely aren’t and people keep themselves to themselves so you can’t really generalise.

It is council estate specific. You can spot the old timers a mile off though. My next door neighbour is an old timer and he could really do with learning some boundaries to be honest. He’s a GREAT guy though so we forgive him. He’s not known any different (I haven’t always lived on estates).

What I will say is on the estate I live on now we live a very peaceful life.

I would say yes it probably is. I expect that in private rented/owned, people move about more so there is less of a community.

It’s not so easy to move between council properties than say if you’re in a private rental - just give notice and pay the money to another landlord for another property.

Sounds like pure and absolute hell to me. I crave silence and privacy, so the thought of people constantly knocking on my door, or throwing street parties that I can't escape, would be a nightmare. And, of course, if you don't join in, you then become a target ("I suppose you think you're better than us", etc). I'd rather live in a caravan in the middle of a field thanks.

I mean you could phrase it as lax boundaries or you could call it more community.

I grew up on council estates and there tended to be more longer lasting relationships (eg families/ life long friends) than you get in wealthier area.

I don't live on a council estate and it's a bit like that round here.
We have about 5 families on our street and the next where we are all very close. Kids often appear in my house if they're playing out and need a wee or a snack, friends pop in to borrow ingredients or borrow uniform etc.
It's great but we all have little signals that we're unavailable. So we will turn off the porch light etc

Yes sounds lovely, but things can often turn nasty if anyone has a fallout, everyone ganging up on each other wIth no escape, it would be good until it wasn't.

I've found
Lots of families with dc who go to the same school.
Community events
Generations of families living on the same estate and everyone knowing of each other- if not actually knowing them personally
Employment in the same kind of areas

@Citycentre3

Working class here and yeah I would definitely throw a few insults in retaliation 💯 percent but I’m not into physical fights or reporting to SS 😂😂. Lol.

@Citycentre3

I do think you’re talking shite though. Please don’t confuse the working class with the under class 😜. Usually on an estate you can tell the difference between the two……..Firstly because working class people go to work for a start.

I think it sometimes goes with cul-de-sacs or other areas where the street/neighbourhood is quite geographically defined. Our street is a little bit like this, mostly owner-occupiers and lots who have been there a long time.

I know 2 families who live like this but they live on new build estates, they are all in and out of each others houses, socialise together street parties etc

We live in a cul de sac and it's a bit like the op described but maybe not just wandering in and out of each other's houses or lending money. We cook and shop for each other, many parties looking after each other's children, lottery syndicate, nights out and a neighbours WhatsApp group which came into being during lockdown.
You can dip in and out as you want, no pressure to join in so it's a good balance. Some would hate it so each to their own.

Um, no. Grew up on council estates. Not at all as you describe. Now own my own home on a housing estate - it's much friendlier. People take in parcels for each other, stop to chat, we have a reciprocal agreement with the neighbours to feed each others' pets / water plants when one of us is away. Never had that growing up.

Exactly this. It’s a working class thing. Everyone is fighting the same fight and willing to help their neighbours.

You get it in places where people stay a long time. So yeah council estates people have lifetime tenancies and also have to be living in the local area for a while before they go on the list, so those lifetime tenancies tend to go to people who are settled and stay settled.

I think that makes a difference.

Not so sure about the lending money, but the rest of it rings true for me. Where I grew up and where I still have lots of friends we had all lived there for years. Lots of people live very close to family, so the kids playing together were often cousins. When I go back 'home' I still get that lovely feeling of being welcomed into my extended family. Nothing better than a last minute neighbourhood bbq and paddling pool party because the sun is shining. It's lovely.

I do think much of it is because lots of people are in the same shitty boat financially. It is a low cost way to keep cheerful.

The downside is that everyone is in everyone else's business. God help you if there is a 'wrong un' in your fa ily, or if the kids fall out.

I've noticed this, having lived on two as a child and visited family on others around the country. I definitely do not live on a council estate now (in the sense that I'm in SW London in an area where an 'average' family home with a loft extension and on road parking sets you back £1m plus) and have noticed a difference with how little we know about our neighbours lives now versus how much we knew about our neighbours when we were growing up. I think it is because everyone here is so busy all of the time with 'professional' careers, we all use different childcare provision/schools and tend to do "things" at the weekend/holidays which means we aren't home as often as people who have (typically) less income to spend on non essentials where kids all go to the same schools and go to the same few activities, so all of the parents/kids are in eachothers lives from toddler group onwards until their kids are adults as no one really moves in or out or if they do then they only move locally.

Personally I think this is all a bit in the past. Even council estates have moved on to some degree. No point hankering onto the past, as good as those days were and they were truly GOOD. I honestly think some peoples middle class childhoods were impoverished compared to mine. Lol.

Sometimes I lie in my garden in the summer, close my eyes and I transport myself back to 1993 on my old council estate and I yearn for it so badly it hurts.