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Original poster

Girls weekend away why did I bother

42 replies

WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:23

Went on a girls weekend away with an old friend (and their current colleagues) and have come home feeling really deflated!
All they did was talk about work, seemed to have made all the plans before we met up and didn’t fill me in, so I spent the weekend trailing them and trying to instigate conversation. Felt they ignored me and maybe I’m overthinking but what did I do wrong?! Made negative comments about where I live, what I do, what I wore etc.
Am normally a really positive person but they’ve left me feeling so very flat. Have spent a small fortune too.

OP posts:
LadyHarmby · 12/02/2023 12:24

How did you end up going? Did you know these work colleagues of hers before?

Original poster
WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:25

No, she didn’t really say they were work colleagues but friends where she lives. I was pleased to be invited along but feel a right mug now!

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 12/02/2023 12:27

They don't sound very nice or very interesting. It's not you, it's them. Sorry you spent £££ to feel like shit afterwards, that's rubbish x

TeapotTitties · 12/02/2023 12:28

That's a shame OP but I'd just put it down to 'won't do that again' and move on.

You don't sound like a very positive person if you're asking what you did wrong.

The answer is an obvious 'nothing' by the sound of it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/02/2023 12:30

How much of this was your friend and how much was her friends?

Original poster
WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:36

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz actually it was probably more my ‘friend’ who seemed distant once her friends arrived. One of the friends was nice, but I can’t imagine excluding someone on a trip whether I knew them or not. I go out of my way to make people feel at ease etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:38

@TeapotTitties
You’re right! They’ve really got to me though to be questioning myself and also to post on here! I was so excited to get home and see DH/kids and when they asked how it was I almost cried! Which is madness as I was so looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Tgif2023 · 12/02/2023 12:41

Oh OP I've been there and it's incredibly shit.
I thought after I was summoned to make it cheaper for them all or to make up numbers.
I don't see that friend anymore she was horrible and that was the final nail in the coffin.
I value my worth and have never let anyone do that to me again.
It was that bad I walked off the train a stop early and walked home for an hour. Sounds extreme but they were slagging me off and I just couldn't cope with it. Years ago now but I have bad memories and sometimes think about it and wince.

Warspite · 12/02/2023 12:43

I’m so sorry you didn’t have a good time. The friends must be very immature not to welcome you properly. Who needs ‘em? Rubbish people.

Try to put it down to experience & try to focus on anything you did enjoy on the trip.

Don’t put yourself in that position again. Think more carefully about what a group dynamic might be and withdraw politely if you are at all concerned. That’s life I’m afraid.

Reinventinganna · 12/02/2023 12:46

Turn it into a positive. You are better than them. You are everything that they are not.

Tribollite · 12/02/2023 12:51

I feel your pain OP. I once went away with a work colleague to the Canaries - I was surprised she asked me as we weren't close, but was pleased. During the whole week her friends, boyfriend and his friends utterly ignored me or were rude. When we arrived I also found out that one of the boys had a false panel in his case and had smuggled in a large amount of LSD and ecstasy.

It took me literally decades to realise that I had been invited to make it less likely they would be pulled over for searches as it evened up the amount of men and women and I looked ridiculously young and innocent.

I chalked it up to experience and tried to not let it put me off coming out of my comfort zone, but to carefully look at what an invite entailed.

Original poster
WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:51

@Tgif2023
oh gosh! I am so sorry to hear it’s happened to you too. Yes perhaps it was a numbers thing!!
Great advice thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:54

Thank you everyone. I had a wobbly moment but you’re all so right that it’s them not me. I certainly won’t make this mistake again!!
and a positive is I got to read my book and have two nights uninterrupted sleep without the baby! 😀

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 12/02/2023 13:06

I had this once OP. I was going through a tough break up and a friend invited me to join her and three friends on a long weekend abroad. They were horrible to me, from the get go, from ignoring to nasty comments. It was awful and I've never understood why, except that the problem was theirs.

I hope you're feeling better now you're home. Chalk it up.

BeautifulDragon · 12/02/2023 13:08

At least you put yourself out there and gave it a go! I would never have been brave enough to go on a trip like that.

It didn't work out, but that was just luck of the draw and nothing you did wrong.

ChaToilLeam · 12/02/2023 13:10

That’s a shame. You know not to bother with these people again, it sounds miserable.

Iwantabloodypizza · 12/02/2023 13:11

I’m really sorry OP.

That is so shit.

Why are people such wankers? Christ, I’m here with no mates and i’m really nice. I’d never treat someone like that.

category12 · 12/02/2023 13:11

3 is a bad number.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/02/2023 13:14

They made comments about what I wore. Are you friends with Trinny and Suzannah.
Kick them to the kurb. You'd be better off hanging out with your enemies at least you know that cunts from the get go.

Funkyslippers · 12/02/2023 13:15

So sorry OP. This happened to me on my cousin's hen do. She pretty much ignored me all weekend and just went off with her friends. I don't speak to her now, thank God!

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 12/02/2023 13:26

Ugh, there's. I thing worse than being away from home and feeling unwelcome. Pure childish behaviour on their parts

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 12/02/2023 13:43

They sound awful. Immature and insecure. Definitely them not you. Shane that you spent lots and were looking forward to it…..but on the plus side it’ll make you love your family and real friends that much more. Xx

Newnamefornewyear2023 · 12/02/2023 13:45

They sound really insecure. If they’d been confident in their friendships they’d have had the energy and kindness to be outward foucussed and include you. Sounds like they were too busy i dividually making sure they bonded together. Insecure and mean

Britchic · 12/02/2023 13:47

Oh I've been there.... on a hen weekend, where I didn't know the bride that well, but was really chuffed to be asked and was excited about it. We went to a beautiful part of the world. I wanted to go on walks and explore - all they wanted to do was smoke weed and get drunk. It was clear they were a lot 'cooler' than me - but they were AWFUL! Looking down their noses at me / ignoring me.... they wouldn't even share a room with me - I was in a twin by myself, while they all shared the other rooms, with one on the floor! I was so fed up, I ended up spending a fortune on a taxi/train (and I was a student at the time - could NOT afford it!), leaving crazy early on the sunday morning just so that I didn't have to spend another day with them, or be in their car on the way back. I felt so free leaving that house and heading back to my boyfriend!!

I put it down to experience, to 'why would anyone want to make someone else feel so shitty?' and to 'thank goodness I never have to do that again'! Oh, and seeing them all again at the wedding was somewhat awkward, but at least I had my lovely boyfriend there!

Courgeon · 12/02/2023 14:12

Sounds rubbish, has happened to me on a few hen weekends and believe it or not on a yoga retreat where it's supposed to be all peace and love! I was in floods of tears on the yoga retreat due to the nastiness of the other women and couldn't just leave as it was in Ibiza! I have a hen do coming up in June that will cost me £££ and I only know the bride and I'm absolutely dreading it...😔