Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Girls weekend away why did I bother

42 replies

WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:23

Went on a girls weekend away with an old friend (and their current colleagues) and have come home feeling really deflated!
All they did was talk about work, seemed to have made all the plans before we met up and didn’t fill me in, so I spent the weekend trailing them and trying to instigate conversation. Felt they ignored me and maybe I’m overthinking but what did I do wrong?! Made negative comments about where I live, what I do, what I wore etc.
Am normally a really positive person but they’ve left me feeling so very flat. Have spent a small fortune too.

OP posts:
Stoic123 · 12/02/2023 14:14

Op- glad you've decided to just chalk it up to experience.

I went away with a friend and three of her other friends I'd never met (4 nights in a European city). Awful people (or just awful together) with a generally bitchy vibe (lots of judgey and competitive comments etc). I'm not that close to her now and she doesn't ever see any of the others any more.

I've been back to that city several times and it's only then, or when things like this thread come up, that I even think about the trip.

I've never once thought I did something wrong - and nor should you.

JudgyMuch · 12/02/2023 14:22

They sound like silly schoolgirls.

It's them, not you.

ExistenceOptional · 12/02/2023 14:44

Is your friend a more the merrier type?
If yes maybe her other friends didn't want someone else there they did not know?

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2023 14:44

WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:36

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz actually it was probably more my ‘friend’ who seemed distant once her friends arrived. One of the friends was nice, but I can’t imagine excluding someone on a trip whether I knew them or not. I go out of my way to make people feel at ease etc.

Did you going make it cheaper for everyone? (Cost /number of people)

MojoDaysxx · 12/02/2023 14:57

I refuse to on holiday a with friends. It ok to spend a day with friends, but any longer is best reserved for family/partner.
I tried it once going away with a friend. Drove me up the wall.

IHopeNotSporadically · 12/02/2023 15:00

As my therapist used to say - it's not you, it's them. They sound toxic AF. Just brush it off as a bad experience, you won't have to tolerate them again as they aren't your friends.

SisterAgatha · 12/02/2023 15:04

i really feel you here, I’ve felt like this a lot of times on hen parties or out with friends of friends where it is just not working.

what I’ve done previously is find a new group of interesting people instead. If I’m a pub/club I’ll often find myself hanging around with a new bunch, getting invited to after parties or just chatting crap. I’ll rejoin at the end of the night and someone might ask, where have you been and I’ll just say oh I was chatting to that lot instead (wave over at much more fun crowd of people)

so my answer really so don’t sit there feeling shit with a bunch of people who don’t get you and are determined not to. There’s always a way out.

Belladonna208 · 12/02/2023 15:36

I'm so sorry this happened, but you can see from the responses how frequent an occurrence it is.

It happened to me most memorably at university, a friend and I got invited to visit an island off the coast of Wales with one of her flatmates (even though we had NO interest in the activity, which was sold to us as an, oh my diving mates are so friendly, you'll love the socks of them, let alone the wetsuits, blah, blah, blah), it's a lovely island, you'll really enjoy exploring it etc etc. Well, to cut a long story short, the weather was awful even for Wales, and they were all hideous (behaviour wise, I mean) and anything but friendly. We later concluded she'd asked us to help make the petrol costs more affordable.

And I currently work for an organisation where the little team I work for s constantly made to feel second rate, excluded, ignored, talked over in meetings by the team that took us over more than two years ago. It's actually one of the main reasons I'm now looking for another job, as it's not going to improve any time this side of the next millennium unless they all get personality transplants. Ironically the team that inherited us is also the part of the organisation that bangs on every five minutes about exclusion, pronouns, etc and is responsible for it. Jog on, HR-lite; your actions speak far louder than your weasel words...

I have had lovely experiences as well, though, a few years ago a friend and I joined her walking group in Scotland for a week in a large house we all paid to rent. Although we didn't join them for all the walks as we were nowhere near as fit as they were, most of them (bar two little tithery girls) were very welcoming. They did all work in different organisations though, not all workmates from the same location.

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 15:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 15:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

larchforest · 12/02/2023 16:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

I've been out with a friend and a group of her 'friends' too, and that has happened to me as well. The sarky comments, the constant talking about things and people I didn't know, and I felt awful afterwards. Right bunch of bitches they were, and it made me look at my friend in a new light. If those were the sort of people she liked to surround herself with, then maybe I didn't want someone like her as a friend after all.

Benjispruce4 · 12/02/2023 16:33

What a shame. Yes it’s them. What negative comments did they make about your job, clothes and where you live and did your friend defend you?

Benjispruce4 · 12/02/2023 16:36

I’m wondering why your friend invited you along when it was mainly work colleagues you don’t know.

SkyHippoOnACloud · 12/02/2023 17:27

WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 12:36

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz actually it was probably more my ‘friend’ who seemed distant once her friends arrived. One of the friends was nice, but I can’t imagine excluding someone on a trip whether I knew them or not. I go out of my way to make people feel at ease etc.

They were rude. I'd be wondering if they had a spare room and you were invited to make up the numbers and keep the cost down for them all. I'd be dropping this "friend" like a hot potato

MissWings · 12/02/2023 17:30

Comments about what you wore? Urgh what is up with some women. I am sorry your experience was awful. Hope you have a nice evening with you husband and kids.

WishmynamewasEthel · 12/02/2023 17:39

What lovely comments everyone thank you and I am both surprised and horrified it’s so common! I don’t understand why anyone would behave in such awful ways, especially away from home, and on what is meant to be a fun thing. Gosh there does sound to be some really nasty women out there, and I’m so sorry others have had similar too. You have restored my faith, thank you.

OP posts:
Turkeyneck101 · 12/02/2023 17:44

Met a childhood friend and her mates for a night out in London. She had a totally different job to me and it was the first time we had met in a few years since both moving to London. So ..I didn't know her friends nor she mine. It was excruciatingly awful. She was different , I was different and our friends were so not in tune either. Nothing 'bad' happened but it was an early lesson for me on 'group dynamics'. and we never met up again. Thenceforth I've always been really cagey about committing to group gatherings which has stood me in good stead over the years.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread