I liked me better when I was a bit more interesting

[MonicaFree]

I am 45 and have to admit that I am boring. The pandemic bears some of the blame as I got used to staying home and not seeing anyone or doing anything and it turned out I quite like that so now I don’t go out which is fine. I hang out with DH and DC.

But, fuck, I am soooo dull now. I have nothing to say to my colleagues. I barely interact with my friends. I make a conscious effort to be positive in conversation, but gone are things like sense of humour or taking an interest. I don’t feel passionate about anything.

It’s like I put my personality on hot wash and it’s come out shrunk and faded. What happened?

I used to be so fucking cool.

But I cannot be bothered with the effort it takes to do it anymore. And I'm not sure it's all that anyway.

You could always do something weird but easy. Learn Klingon or something.

Try looking on the menopause board. I'm your age and just started HRT, and one of my symptoms was a total flatness about my life.

There are loads of women on that board saying the same thing as you.

I think as well its a middle aged thing. I mean we can't all be out doing fun stuff when the kids uniform needs washing or dinner needs making or we have to go to work.

I think quite a few of us enjoyed certain aspects of the pandemic, such as slowing down a bit, spending less time rushing around, focusing on family. But is it possible you've taken it too far? How about putting a few things in the diary now so you have something to look forward to. What did you used to enjoy? Going for a drink with a friend, organising a day out with DH and DC, tickets to the theatre or a concert?

I was also going to suggest peri menopause. My periods completely stopped and my only other symptom was ' Meh'. ' Meh' about everything, even the things I used to be passionate about which bring me great joy. ' Meh' about joy ffs!!
Anyway, due to sart hrt now.
Maybe something similar for you?

Being cool seems so … remote. I was cool but now not and that’s fine (ish?). Everything about me has got more boring. Looking back over my Pinterest ‘clothes wish list’ board, even the outfits I like have got duller and duller.

I agree that it is a function of life and sorting school uniforms or whatever - I miss the old me.

You are evolving, just go with it and don’t try to be that person you no longer are. In time other doors will open and beckon you through.

Me too OP. I feel so dull. I go on holiday with friends once a year and they all chat animatedly about so many things. They read passionately and are activists and buy beautiful clothes. I feel like some sort of mascot potato in their company. No idea how to push through this.

That’s a lovely zen thought @Walkinginthesand

What prompted this post was that I decided to call a friend. We had the most boring call asking each other how the family was (‘all good, everyone seems to have got over their colds’ etc). No-one told a joke. Neither of us suggested meeting up: we both know the chat would be boring and why waste a good telly evening?

I feel like some sort of mascot potato OK ‘mascot potato’ is perfection.

(There is no way you could be dull @WinterFoxes - your friends will want you there for turn-of-phrase alone.)

I relate to this, I'm 44.

Life circumstances (international move that I wasn't keen on) meant that I have very few friends where we live and honestly what's the point? I don't have anything interesting to say because I don't go anywhere or see anyone (wfh).

I don't have the mental energy to pretend to be interesting.

Other people are busy, always travelling and going places. I just don't see the point. I'm just meh really.

Agree on the turn of phase. OP: you're a natural comedian.

Go and write something funny about how boring your life is and upload it to kindle unltd; go on to live a more fabulous life again and solve both problems.

Hang on, I've just noticed mascot potato wasn't you. Between that and personality on a hot wash, maybe you've found a natural collaborator?

Yes me too. I'm 50 and over the last 8 years ish, I've gone from being active and sociable with an exciting hobby to someone who enjoys staying at home, not going out and getting excited because the great pottery throw down has started

I think you’re over-egging being “interesting”. Have you heard of weak ties? It’s the daily chit chat and small talk that you may have with a barista or someone you pass on a walk; it boosts our mental well-being. I think worrying about how you’re coming across can deter you from making any effort, and it’s a viscous cycle. What’re you watching on telly? I can chat for hours with friends about what everyone’s watching! Same with books, what we’re cooking – things in the day to day but those conversations can gather pace and lead down unexpected paths.

Maybe your friend is the boring one and you've only noticed the conversation being boring because you were keeping it fuelled.

You say you are boring but you like staying in as well. Staying in can be not boring.

Can you define what you think boring is or what "not boring"?

Because boring for me would be getting nails done, fake tan and Botox. Talking about new cars and watching love island. Going out clubbing nowadays (you used to never be able to get me off a dancefloor). But some people love all this stuff. It is not a judgement just an extreme example.

Knitting is brilliant to some and some would rather stick knitting needles in their knees. Either viewpoint is a valid opinion.

Now we discuss theatre visits. Which I know is boring to others.

One person's boring is another's fascination.

So if you can define what you think "not boring" is, and then baby steps to introduce not-boring back into your life.

Neither of us suggested meeting up: we both know the chat would be boring and why waste a good telly evening?

Oh God, yes … I barely even speak to friends any more but I’ve noticed, on phone conversations with family, they’re all eager to talk about stuff - and I barely have anything to say. Unless it’s about streamed TV.

It’s appalling. I’ve spent days poring over Spring clothes on my favourite websites - but my Winter clothes are still barely touched - I seem to have stopped going anywhere unless it’s unavoidable. When people WhatsApp suggesting meet ups - I just send a few positive emojis and hope they’ll forget about it …

Definitely lockdown hangover. + Tories …

I think I just enjoy my own company more now I’m older. I don’t really want to make any effort. My life does look boring from the outside. I wfh, rarely go out and do anything of note. I have a few craft hobbies I really enjoy and they keep me busy. But it’s not really something to talk to others about. But I’m not unhappy, I feel very content. If I forced myself to do more it would be because I feel I should, not because I want to, and what’s the point in that? Maybe at some point I’ll feel like throwing myself back into things again, that option is always there, but for now I’m fine as I am.

I think I just enjoy my own company more now I’m older.

Same! I rarely go ’out’ out in winter anyway. I no longer have the FOMO of my younger years, when I was a lone parent to young DC, which is a blessing!

I feel totally free to go out and do stuff, or stay in and do stuff, or stay in and simply chill as the mood takes me.

OP I got a real slump post covid/a year ago, where the rest of the world send to have gone back to normal but I remained 'locked down' and more anxious than I had ever been in my life. They always said lock down would affect people's mental health!
Slowly slowly I'm making progress, I've pushed myself to visit friends I used to see several times a year, rejoined some of the weekly/monthly activities I used to enjoy- which gives me some impetuous to do things between sessions. I'm trying to clear some of the physical and mental clutter in my house, and most of all I've talked to people about it. I was heard, and that helps... So we hear you... And that's a starting point.
Maybe it's a medical issue, that you can get help for (depression/peri menopause etc) maybe it's a stage of life thing, a seasonal thing, but you are still you, waiting to evolve and re-emerge!

I feel the same, early 50's, dc is adult and living away, I'm retired due to health issues but it's not health holding me back, it's like I slowly changed into a person I don't recognise, I was the outgoing one when dh and I met, he loved how I dragged him to concerts, theatre etc, he was totally engrossed with his hobby (Motorsport) before meeting me, now I look at him heading away for weekends competing, having meetings about events, chatting constantly on the phone to his mates and I feel sad that I'm not doing anything. I joined a group on Facebook, its a women's group that meet to go hiking, swimming, camping and I've gone camping twice so far (a wild camp last weekend), I really enjoyed it, 5 women aged from mid 30's to late 50's in a forest around a fire laughing and chatting, it felt so good so hopefully I'll stick with it and try find myself again.

OP you have described exactly how I feel and I’m 46. And the last few weeks it’s been like I can suddenly see myself clearly and do want to get some of the old ‘me’ back. I’m also a single parent so don’t even have another half to talk to.

I have just forced myself to reach out to a couple of friends, book some theatre and I’ve also ( very cliched!) but joined a group on Meetup.

I can so relate.
I work hard and need my down time so that doesn't leave much room for much else
I'm a sociable introvert so find groups difficult
Sometimes think the world is just up for the extroverted and of all lovely introverts sat at home I could be friends with.

@Robin233 I agree with you, there must be so many people (myself included) who dislike group events, but would enjoy meeting up with one other person for coffee or a meal, or visiting a museum etc but how to find them?

I’m retired and don’t work or have childcare and I hardly go out. I’m not an interesting person but I can still be interested about interesting things.

Visit the feminism board, there is a wealth of information on what’s happening in our world re gender. Anything you become passionate about will give you things to talk about.

I recently watched a film called Denial which led me to read about David Irving, holocaust deniers, Hitler apologists, which Nazis knew about the Final Solution and a host of other stuff.

There’s climate change, Putin, so many things to have a view on. I steer away from politics mostly, but there’s often an overlap of sorts.

Its hard sometimes to have the mental capacity when you have work and children I know.

I now have to watch out I don’t become boring because I bang on too much about some stuff.