I liked me better when I was a bit more interesting

[MonicaFree]

I am 45 and have to admit that I am boring. The pandemic bears some of the blame as I got used to staying home and not seeing anyone or doing anything and it turned out I quite like that so now I don’t go out which is fine. I hang out with DH and DC.

But, fuck, I am soooo dull now. I have nothing to say to my colleagues. I barely interact with my friends. I make a conscious effort to be positive in conversation, but gone are things like sense of humour or taking an interest. I don’t feel passionate about anything.

It’s like I put my personality on hot wash and it’s come out shrunk and faded. What happened?

@isheabastard I’m also retired and I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, that it’s more important to be interested than to be interesting though looking back I can appreciate it’s not so easy with work and childcare commitments.

I recently watched a film called Denial which led me to read about David Irving, holocaust deniers, Hitler apologists, which Nazis knew about the Final Solution and a host of other stuff. There’s climate change, Putin, so many things to have a view on. I steer away from politics mostly, but there’s often an overlap of sorts.

@Isheabastard this is exactly the sort of thing my friends would have informed opinions about and heated discussions about, whereas I'd be frantically trying to recall what tiny scrap of news about it I'd overheard while making soup. I'm just not very intellectually engaged anymore. I wonder if it's menopause or Covid /lockdown brain fatigue. (Though they are all a similar age and still very sharp.)

@Walkinginthesand @WinterFoxes

I admit I probably have more time than most to get into this. I know what you mean about the menopause and memory. I find though if I talk about it soon after reading about it, the informations sticks better. And the more passionate you feel about it the easier it is to remember.

But I also find myself rereading, re listening and rewatching all sorts of things because my memory just doesn’t work like it used to.

I also came across a petition(usa I think) of someone who wanted to ban Pornhub. I had of course heard of Pornhub but didn’t know that it was basically like an Amazon for lots of different porn sites. That led me to Mindgeek , then to GirlsDoPorn. The owners of that GDP site have been sued and at one time one of the owners was on the FBI’s most wanted list.

I thought I knew the depths which some people/men sink to. This was a new low. The more I tell people about it, the more I can open their eyes.

Im going through a divorce at the moment, but when it is over, I can feel these issues calling out to me to do something.

perhaps it will lead me back to being an interesting person again in my own right when I’m going on marches and meetings and leading an active and vivid life.

@Isheabastard

A vivid life is such a good phrase - encapsulates exactly what I want to get back to.

I think you probably are still fucking cool.
You're one of only a handful of mumsnetters who I often think that I wish I knew in real life.

That's very kind @Euchariahere it's weird how we sort of 'know' each other on here. Goodness knows if our mental images of each other bear any relationship to reality!

There's nothing wrong with being content with an unexciting routine, if that's what you want.

However, if you want a bit more going on in your life then you need to make it happen. Find something new to try; amateur dramatics, running, a walking group, an art class, volunteering at a food bank, wild swimming etc etc. Anything that grabs your interest and puts you out if your comfort zone. You'll soon have something new to talk about.

Interesting
I feel very dull at the mo but I think it's partly because I don't find many people want to talk about the stuff I want to talk about. It's why I spend too much time on here tbh, but many of my threads on music or drama go unanswered or people seem to hate-watch stuff (I don't get that).

I notice a few posters mentioned getting into politics. I have very much walked away from it but it's often a very difficult thing to talk about anyway.

Something seems to be affecting a lot of people this winter. I am in a local social group who haven't met at all so far this year, they organised one or two but most people didn't want to or couldn't go. I think that's a winter thing while I do get SAD, I seem to be much worse this year.

I do want to rediscover my interests but I'm feeling like I need people to bounce ideas off, which is a first for me. I'm moving, date tbc, and I'm feeling too flat to even do things towards that.

@Isheabastard - you already sound like an interesting person! And passionate and informed. I admire activists. DS is one and so is his girlfriend. All three friends I mentioned are too. They seem to have more fire in them than other people. I'm too passive. Your long post has made me think.