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Original poster

Can I stop seeing the health visitor?

48 replies

bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:08

Just that really. I have a 2 1/2 year old and an almost 1 year old.

I have nothing against the health visiting service in general. Just against the health visitor team in my area.

I find them quite annoying and downright rude sometimes. When my daughter was born they demanded to see my bedroom. It wasn't "Can I see your bedroom, please?", it was "I want to see your bedroom now".

Everytime my health visitor is here she asks me if I'm scared in the house and if my husband is beating me (he's not).

Last time she came here she asked if anyone in the household is taking drugs (we're not).

I figured since my daughter is turning 1 soon, they will probably announce their next visit soon.

Can I just cancel the appointment? I read on here that some mumsnetters were threatened that this would raise red flags and they would be reported to social services.

I am working full-time, while my children are at the childminder.

My idea is to use my work as an excuse that I can't see them anymore and that we're too busy as a family.

Thankful for any advice xx

OP posts:
AbsolutelyFuckingSick · 09/02/2023 22:10

Of course you can, they're not compulsory.
I refused to see one after dd2 was born after the shite they spouted when I had dd1.

R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:10

Why are you still having visits after so long? That's not the norm at all unless there are some serious issues or support needed. I didn't see anyone after DS was visited at home at about 10 days old.

windyarse · 09/02/2023 22:11

My idea is to use my work as an excuse that I can't see them anymore and that we're too busy as a family.

Don't make excuses, just opt out.

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Families
Original poster
bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:13

R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:10

Why are you still having visits after so long? That's not the norm at all unless there are some serious issues or support needed. I didn't see anyone after DS was visited at home at about 10 days old.

I have no idea to be honest. They just keep on visiting. They haven't voiced any concerns about my family to me.

How many appointments are normal? I live in the West Midlands, if that makes a difference

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 09/02/2023 22:13

Complain formally and confirm you no longer with tonreceive the service. It isn't mandatory but they don't tell parents that.

It's variable and often poor. Yours sounds exceptionally rude and inappropriate.

In my opinion the hv service is a total waste of time and the resources it takes could be better used elsewhere.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2023 22:14

You must be seeing her a lot?

With DD we had a weigh in at home then I went to a couple in a nearby centre, we had a 12 month check up, a 2 year check up, both a letter and appointment in a centre and I haven’t heard a peep in the nearly 2 years since.

You can definitely opt out. Just say you don’t want the appointment. Don’t lie, you don’t need to make excuses.

Original poster
bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:17

I just don't understand why they would ask if we take drugs. There literally is no evidence of drug use. There's no drug equipment lying around, our house is clean, our children are well - fed and clean and we're both employed.

OP posts:
R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:17

How many appointments are normal?

I had 1 before DS arrived and another at roughly 10 days old. That was it. I did later get a questionnaire to fill in and a phone appointment at about 14 months but nothing else. My experience reflects that of those I know who also have a child a similar age to mine even if we don't all live in the same area.

Have you asked why they feel the need to keep visiting?

SpinningFloppa · 09/02/2023 22:18

Why are you still seeing them? I guess there is other concerns? I last saw my dds HV when she was 10 days old.. she’s now 5!

DiastasisRectiSucks · 09/02/2023 22:19

RosesAndHellebores · 09/02/2023 22:13

Complain formally and confirm you no longer with tonreceive the service. It isn't mandatory but they don't tell parents that.

It's variable and often poor. Yours sounds exceptionally rude and inappropriate.

In my opinion the hv service is a total waste of time and the resources it takes could be better used elsewhere.

Couldn’t have said it better 👏

MeinKraft · 09/02/2023 22:19

Mine barely bothered with us at all with my second.

Original poster
bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:20

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2023 22:14

You must be seeing her a lot?

With DD we had a weigh in at home then I went to a couple in a nearby centre, we had a 12 month check up, a 2 year check up, both a letter and appointment in a centre and I haven’t heard a peep in the nearly 2 years since.

You can definitely opt out. Just say you don’t want the appointment. Don’t lie, you don’t need to make excuses.

Going by your post, they will come around at least twice again, for the 1 year and 2 year checkup :(

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2023 22:21

Our grandson had one visit a week after he was born, a phone call at around 1 year and his 2 year check was 4 month’s late! That’s been it, so far. Wondering where you are, where you get so many visits?

Cornelious2011 · 09/02/2023 22:22

There are lots of standard questions- drugs and alcohol being ones. HV teams are generally stretched and wouldn't be visiting you regularly unless there was concern. I think you need to ask them before you refuse their input. They should of course be transparent.

4thonthe4th · 09/02/2023 22:22

The 2year check was quite valuable in my case for my second child. Despite me already knowing he was struggling in certain areas and seeking help myself, my HV made immediate referrals and followed them up for me. I’m regularly told how “lucky” we were to be seen so quickly but my HV was like a dog with a bone and was absolutely fantastic for us.
You could ask to see someone else, or of course opt out if that’s your preference, but they’re not all bad.

R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:22

Going by your post, they will come around at least twice again, for the 1 year and 2 year checkup :(

They don't have to though. It's mandatory. Nothing bad will happen if you say you no longer wish for them to visit but you know where to find them if you need any support or advice. You won't be blacklisted or reported to SS. Literally nothing will happen other than the visits would stop.

DiastasisRectiSucks · 09/02/2023 22:22

bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:13

I have no idea to be honest. They just keep on visiting. They haven't voiced any concerns about my family to me.

How many appointments are normal? I live in the West Midlands, if that makes a difference

Show quote history

It’s meant to be a totally optional service that’s there to help you and your child, if it doesn’t feel like that you can tell them to bugger off 👌

I emailed mine to inform them that we wouldn’t be coming to the 1yr check and were opting out. I worded it so they had to openly confirm that it was optional all along tho to make sure that was clear.

You don’t have to put up with it 💐

R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:23

*it's not mandatory.

4thonthe4th · 09/02/2023 22:24

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2023 22:21

Our grandson had one visit a week after he was born, a phone call at around 1 year and his 2 year check was 4 month’s late! That’s been it, so far. Wondering where you are, where you get so many visits?

The 2 year check is usually done between 24-30 months. It doesn’t have to be exactly 2 years so it wasn’t late, as such.

Namechange12908 · 09/02/2023 22:25

i never seen one at all with DC2. They sent a questionnaire and said to contact them if I had any concerns. DS1 I had 2 appointments but neither were home visits, they were at a children’s centre at a few weeks old then again at about 2 years. The 2yr one was actually really helpful and she gave some good advice on potty training etc which worked great.

not sure why DC2 didn’t get any reviews j person appointments.

Original poster
bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:25

Cornelious2011 · 09/02/2023 22:22

There are lots of standard questions- drugs and alcohol being ones. HV teams are generally stretched and wouldn't be visiting you regularly unless there was concern. I think you need to ask them before you refuse their input. They should of course be transparent.

I understand that those are standard questions, but she asked me the drug question during the last visit. She had already known me for a long time when she asked, so it is weird to randomly ask this question

OP posts:
Original poster
bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:29

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2023 22:21

Our grandson had one visit a week after he was born, a phone call at around 1 year and his 2 year check was 4 month’s late! That’s been it, so far. Wondering where you are, where you get so many visits?

We're in Birmingham

OP posts:
mumoffourminimes · 09/02/2023 22:29

They have very intrusive and have to ask all the DV/drug/alcohol questions.

You can opt out. Tell them you decline because you don't think it's helpful for you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2023 22:30

The 1 and 2 year check ups were in a family centre. No one came here after she was a couple of weeks old and that was only because we were in hospital for a while after she was born which delayed things.

For the check ups it was a letter, call the number, fill out the paperwork on milestones, go to the appointment at the centre and nothing more.

watchfulwishes · 09/02/2023 22:33

Oh the HV is a PITA, they are quite often useless. I had two, one was pro-sleeping training, the other not. If I had been listening at all I would have been quite confused.

Opt out if you want.

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