Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Can I stop seeing the health visitor?

48 replies

bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:08

Just that really. I have a 2 1/2 year old and an almost 1 year old.

I have nothing against the health visiting service in general. Just against the health visitor team in my area.

I find them quite annoying and downright rude sometimes. When my daughter was born they demanded to see my bedroom. It wasn't "Can I see your bedroom, please?", it was "I want to see your bedroom now".

Everytime my health visitor is here she asks me if I'm scared in the house and if my husband is beating me (he's not).

Last time she came here she asked if anyone in the household is taking drugs (we're not).

I figured since my daughter is turning 1 soon, they will probably announce their next visit soon.

Can I just cancel the appointment? I read on here that some mumsnetters were threatened that this would raise red flags and they would be reported to social services.

I am working full-time, while my children are at the childminder.

My idea is to use my work as an excuse that I can't see them anymore and that we're too busy as a family.

Thankful for any advice xx

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 09/02/2023 22:35

I've had two friends decline for similar reasons, but more general nosiness rather than specifically asking about drugs.

one in London, one in NE England. They seemed to want to come every couple of months. One friend was very honest with HV, said she was bored and thinking to end mat leave early, (on SMP anyway) and HV was horrified. They opted out, no trouble after.

LeafHunter · 09/02/2023 22:36

I’m in the west Mids too and we’ve had a similar amount of visits. NCT said it would be fewer so I asked and they said there was extra funding for it in some areas.

Original poster
bubble123456 · 09/02/2023 22:38

LeafHunter · 09/02/2023 22:36

I’m in the west Mids too and we’ve had a similar amount of visits. NCT said it would be fewer so I asked and they said there was extra funding for it in some areas.

I hope your experience was better than mine

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
byebye2022 · 09/02/2023 22:39

I had this with my first. The HV insisted on visiting weekly and told me this was standard. I was young at 21, but married and worked as a nursery nurse at the time.

When I went to work for child protection later in my life I realised this was not normal and basically for some unknown reason my HV was concerned and therefore had been checking on me. It bothered me a little at the time but tbh, she was doing her job. My pregnancy had been awful, ECS, I couldn't drive and all my family lived a few towns over.

Just tell her you will go to clinic if you need anything in future

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2023 22:40

4thonthe4th · Today 22:24
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 22:21
Our grandson had one visit a week after he was born, a phone call at around 1 year and his 2 year check was 4 month’s late! That’s been it, so far. Wondering where you are, where you get so many visits?

“The 2 year check is usually done between 24-30 months. It doesn’t have to be exactly 2 years so it wasn’t late, as such.”

It was originally booked in at their home when he was 2 and 1 month. Mum and Dad booked holiday but the HV didn’t turn up. They were called the following week and asked to go to a clinic some distance away 3 months later. No explanation for the no-show was offered.
Thankfully, he’s thriving, no concerns, as the check confirmed. I do worry though, how many children with issues are being missed because services have fallen away post-Covid.
Our children were seen in-clinic every week, 28 and 19 years ago.

Namechanger355 · 09/02/2023 22:41

saw hv at ten days, then she offered to come again at 2 weeks and 6 weeks - the last two times only because my baby dropped a centilitre and I was concerned - she wasn’t really

next visit was at 1 year

to be honest they have not asked about drug use, violence or asked to sleep baby’s cot at any time with either of my two kids

4thonthe4th · 09/02/2023 22:44

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2023 22:40

4thonthe4th · Today 22:24
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 22:21
Our grandson had one visit a week after he was born, a phone call at around 1 year and his 2 year check was 4 month’s late! That’s been it, so far. Wondering where you are, where you get so many visits?

“The 2 year check is usually done between 24-30 months. It doesn’t have to be exactly 2 years so it wasn’t late, as such.”

It was originally booked in at their home when he was 2 and 1 month. Mum and Dad booked holiday but the HV didn’t turn up. They were called the following week and asked to go to a clinic some distance away 3 months later. No explanation for the no-show was offered.
Thankfully, he’s thriving, no concerns, as the check confirmed. I do worry though, how many children with issues are being missed because services have fallen away post-Covid.
Our children were seen in-clinic every week, 28 and 19 years ago.

Fair enough, I thought you meant it was just booked at 28 months which is normal.
I think, judging on this thread, many parents nowadays would object to weekly check ups with the HVs.

KEG973 · 09/02/2023 22:44

Amazing how varied this service is depending on location!

when I had DD I was visited at 10 days then monthly until she turned 1, then at 2 and preschool.

DS would have been the same except covid happened. The HV still called 4 times in his first year though.

man’s they had zero concerns at all, no drugs use, no addictions, no mental health issues. Both DH and I are employed as clinicians in healthcare so we’re pretty clued in on looking after a baby.

im expecting number #3 and I will be asking for as few visits as possible because it’s just a time consuming nonsense to be tied down so often for no real reason

CoffeeIsMyMiddleName · 09/02/2023 22:48

In your position, I’d ask for the 1 and 2 year checks to be done in clinic - as they can be useful for flagging anything developmental - but decline other visits. And I would definitely ask why they keep visiting you! We had no contact with ours after maybe 6 weeks with DC2 until his 1 and 2 year checks, which were both done in clinic.

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 22:50

R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:10

Why are you still having visits after so long? That's not the norm at all unless there are some serious issues or support needed. I didn't see anyone after DS was visited at home at about 10 days old.

I think its different in different areas. Still seeing mine and little man is 10 months old. No serious issues

Hartlebury · 09/02/2023 22:51

Yes, I had an awful one visit and I told her not to come back. She did actually try and I opened the kitchen window and told her I'd asked her not to come back and to please go away then closed the window and she left. Never to be seen again, thankfully.

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 22:51

Had no issues with my HV. She's been lovely

Senorfrijoles · 09/02/2023 22:53

My HV asked about drug use, I presumed it was a standard question and didn't think much of it.

We had a visit before birth, at 10 days and again at 6 weeks. Next visit will be at 9months ( apparently). Offered to show them around the house (baby's room etc) on the first visit. I doubt we are considered a high risk family (I'm a social worker, DP is a teacher). I think practice varies in different areas.

R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:54

I think its different in different areas. Still seeing mine and little man is 10 months old. No serious issues

Why though? What a waste of time of an already overstretched resource. What is the benefit to visiting so often surely if you needed anything you could contact them?

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 09/02/2023 22:55

People are incredibly shortsighted. On one hand they talk about children going under the radar and why was no one seeing these children and on the other hand they talk about not wanting intrusive visits/scrutiny.

Reugny · 09/02/2023 22:56

My HV lost interest on the first visit as soon as I mentioned a neighbour's experience of children, what various family members and a good friend who all lived nearby did.

Though she did tell me to get my DD a BCG vaccination due to the family member who visited me in hospital origins.

So I saw her at 10 days and that's it.

The 1 year and 2 year checks were with different HVs and are worth it to flag up any issues e.g. eye problems.

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 22:58

R0ckets · 09/02/2023 22:54

I think its different in different areas. Still seeing mine and little man is 10 months old. No serious issues

Why though? What a waste of time of an already overstretched resource. What is the benefit to visiting so often surely if you needed anything you could contact them?

It's normal routine with mine. She hasn't been out ridiculously loads. I don't mind.

SisterAgatha · 09/02/2023 23:01

Our health visiting service was shocking.

I was under midwife care for baby 1, for around 3 weeks. Then a HV came, I identified areas I needed support ie breast feeding groups etc and was pretty much ignored and told just to get baby weighed at clinic every week. Which I did but I realised the idiot woman doing the charts doesn’t understand graphs or very basic primary school maths, so I had to get another lady to check her work after that. Eventually I made a complaint as they told me to continue BF when it was failing and then suddenly said baby needed specialist formula. I hadn’t even regular formula at that point as per their (dangerous) advice. I formula fed him and never asked for their dickhead views ever again. Baby was fine.

Babies 2 and 3, I was very clear with my intentions and previous distrust of the service and was left alone. Think I saw them once each time.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/02/2023 10:09

4thonthe4th

“Fair enough, I thought you meant it was just booked at 28 months which is normal.

I think, judging on this thread, many parents nowadays would object to weekly check ups with the HVs”

Oh the weekly clinics were optional, no appointment needed, just drop in and wait. Was very reassuring on occasion. Seems it just doesn’t happen now.

Can’t see why anyone would object, tbh. Times change.

edwinbear · 10/02/2023 10:57

I declined any visits at all for DC2 after a rude and intrusive visit from the HV for DC1. I had a private midwife for DC2 who did all the newborn checks and post delivery visits and then went along to the clinic for weighing and standard toddler checks. It was no problem.

Cuwins · 10/02/2023 11:28

I have had much input from them. Haven't really needed it but as a FTM with documented mental health issues (I was under a specialist midwife team) I was quite surprised they didn't check up more.
Saw them 24hrs after we came out of hospital (literally for 10mins), had a video call before DD was born, i phoned them when she was about 3m old with some concerns about hydration on her new prescription formula, then a questionnaire and face to face meeting at the hospital for her 10m check.
She is 1 now.
I haven't found them at all intrusive though. When they visited at a couple of days they asked to see her bed but I didn't see the issue with that.
On the video call they did ask questions about drugs, alcohol and smoking but they were just standard questions and didn't bother me, they were repeated at the 10m check. Can't remember if they asked about DV but I know my midwife team did at the first appointment (took me in with DP first to ask). To me it was the same as the nurse asking at every pill check if I smoke and how much I drink. Not sure what the issue is with that- just standard questions.

Hartlebury · 10/02/2023 17:46

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 09/02/2023 22:55

People are incredibly shortsighted. On one hand they talk about children going under the radar and why was no one seeing these children and on the other hand they talk about not wanting intrusive visits/scrutiny.

You can do your job properly without being an outright rude prick though, which is what many of them appear to revel in doing.

Chickpea17 · 10/02/2023 17:48

Why are you still seeing and health visitor you wouldn't normally have this service unless there are problems at home?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page