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Original poster

Would you message child’s bully’s mother?

31 replies

Seeingred1999 · 09/02/2023 20:11

Have recently posted about my disabled nephew being horrifically bullied at school. School have done very little about it and despite having a meeting yesterday, today once again my nephew was attacked. Calls to school have gone unreturned, emails not replied to. We have zero faith that they will deal with this issue at this point. School has in the past been sued due to not preventing a SEN child being bullied so I feel like if they aren’t hot on it after that, we have very little chance of them doing anything now.

now I’ve found the boy who attacked nephew’s mother on Facebook. Would you message her?

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 09/02/2023 20:14

No I wouldn’t but I would be looking at taking my child out of that school and going somewhere else.

Look at your school complaints policy. It’s probably a formal complaint to the Head and then to the Governors. I’d also do that.

I’m sorry for what your son is going through.

Beezknees · 09/02/2023 20:14

Yes, personally I would. But that won't be a popular opinion here.

BananaSpanner · 09/02/2023 20:15

No but I’d consider reporting to police.

lunar1 · 09/02/2023 20:15

No, but I'd bypass the useless school and go to the police.

Original poster
Seeingred1999 · 09/02/2023 20:18

@TheSnowyOwl we’re now going to start the process for online school for him. Any school in the local authority I think he would have the same issue (these boys followed him from primary school) but he doesn’t want to as he has two friends he would miss at school. He has cerebral palsy along with autism and ADHD so is in need of a bit more support to learn which is another worry. Police is our next step because they are using his disability against him which is a hate crime (calling him a r-word and filming him walking to send to their friends etc)

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2023 20:19

No, you’ll just end up in a fight. Go back to the school and follow their anti-bullying policy citing their duty of care to your nephew. I’d also involve the police, and be clear to the school you’re doing that due to their inability to keep him safe.

Original poster
Seeingred1999 · 09/02/2023 20:19

I just feel so beyond heartbroken at this situation. He honestly has the most beautiful soul and this is having a real detrimental effect on him.

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/02/2023 20:20

That's disgraceful. Get onto the board of governors, the LA & ofsted.

Yes contact the mother and let her know what a bastard kid she is bringing up.

I hope your nephew is okay as can be. Flowers

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2023 20:22

Police is our next step because they are using his disability against him which is a hate crime (calling him a r-word and filming him walking to send to their friends etc)

I’d be going to the police with that and the fact that he’s been physically assaulted (I assume that’s what you mean when you say he was attacked). If they’re in high school they’re over the age of criminal responsibility and in the absence of protective measures from the school, it’s a police matter.

KEG973 · 09/02/2023 20:23

I would with a stark warning and explain you WILL be speaking to the police. You are also filing an official complaint with the board of governors and with the council.

I would file the latter two regardless of what happens next so it is documented.

this is not acceptable

Eastereggsboxedupready · 09/02/2023 20:24

Keep a dignified silence.. Report to sm platforms. And report to the police tonight...

TheSnugglyDuckling · 09/02/2023 20:24

This is going to be even more unpopular than pp but is there an older/big boy/man who can meet your nephew after school one day, corner a few of these kids and - not suggesting they lay a finger on them - but certainly let’s say, give them something to think about?

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/02/2023 20:25

No. Because the boy's family is where he learnt that his behaviour was acceptable. Stay well away.

KEG973 · 09/02/2023 20:25

edited to add - no your the aunt. Let his Mum or Dad take the above steps. It’s not your place

Spudlet · 09/02/2023 20:26

Oh, your poor little nephew. That’s bloody awful. Bless him.

Messaging - I guess it depends. If you think his parents will be horrified (as they should be!) and give their child some consequences (as they should!) then all good. A decent person would want to know so they could do something about it! But if you think they’re the sort that will double down and get aggressive themselves, you may well just make things even worse. And as I’d assume the school must surely have let the parents know, are they more likely the latter type… only you can answer that.

I’m so sorry, some people are just utter bastards. Sending lots of love to your nephew and assurances that things do improve once you leave school xx

Dontlistitonfacebook · 09/02/2023 20:28

I wouldn't, because I'd think that the parent would defend their child, and may be a bully themselves.

Greenfinch7 · 09/02/2023 20:30

I have a close friend who went directly to the bully's parents. The parents were appalled, and It was 100% effective- no hint of a problem ever again.

Not all parents condone their kids' horrible behaviour.

nye11111 · 09/02/2023 20:31

Seeingred1999 · 09/02/2023 20:18

@TheSnowyOwl we’re now going to start the process for online school for him. Any school in the local authority I think he would have the same issue (these boys followed him from primary school) but he doesn’t want to as he has two friends he would miss at school. He has cerebral palsy along with autism and ADHD so is in need of a bit more support to learn which is another worry. Police is our next step because they are using his disability against him which is a hate crime (calling him a r-word and filming him walking to send to their friends etc)

😭 filming him walking. Absolutely horrific & so so sad for him. Please just take him out. And I would be messaging the bastard bully's mum!

Weallgottachangesometime · 09/02/2023 20:32

Do you know anything about the bully’s family? I see why you might contact them but my worry would be the potential for escalation of the family are a bunch of c**ts too.

I agree with others saying you should report to police immediately. Also find out the complaints process for the school and follow that. If they’d didn’t reply to calls or emails I’d be tempted to arrive at school and refuse to leave until I was spoken to. Sadly sometimes you have to make a big fuss to get any actions. having said that I wonder if it’s not been dealt with already if there is any hope of the school doing anything?

nye11111 · 09/02/2023 20:32

TheSnugglyDuckling · 09/02/2023 20:24

This is going to be even more unpopular than pp but is there an older/big boy/man who can meet your nephew after school one day, corner a few of these kids and - not suggesting they lay a finger on them - but certainly let’s say, give them something to think about?

That would be the best thing for these little shits! Taste of their own medicine. Cannot STAND bullies!!!!!

Jakadaal · 09/02/2023 20:34

We had a similar situation when our Ds was younger. In the end we went to the police. I also kept a record of every time I contacted the school. The police took it very seriously and visited the 3 bullies at home. However the onus was on my Ds to move him to the other side of the school/curriculum.

From my own experience I would say do not approach the parents yourselves. Contact the police and let them deal with it as I doubt the school will do anything.

I'm so sorry this has happened to your nephew x

Figgygal · 09/02/2023 20:42

No i wouldn't and haven't when my ds was subject to verbal and physical assaults all last academic year. The child's parents are as vile as he is so what would it serve?
We complained complained complained, multiple meetings with head and then governors. You use the correct channels.

Its not really your place to wade in either

Original poster
Seeingred1999 · 09/02/2023 20:47

I should have mentioned me and nephew (and my sister!) are very close as they lived with me up until 5 years ago and we basically co-parented. He’s now a teenager but is still my wee man. I’m not afraid of her being aggressive at all - I can handle myself fairly well. Not in terms of ohh I’ll kick her head in! More that I’m good at being assertive and won’t be phased if she tries to threaten me physically. Years in the nhs has hardened me 😂

it’s honestly heartbreaking. I was with him and my two young dds on the weekend and they confidently did it in front of me (even recorded my baby dd who was beside nephew) so these little shits have no fear whatsoever.

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 09/02/2023 20:50

FGS no and no reporting on SM either.

Handle it properly.

The parents may be vile but they may be ok too. Going in effing and jeffing, name calling and making accusations via messenger will get their backs up and get you nowhere.

Your job is to represent your child; their job is to represent theirs. TBH if I received an unsolicited email from Irate Mum of Random Child I would block immediately and call the school.

Remmy123 · 09/02/2023 20:53

I would call the bully's mum. Not message.

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