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Original poster

Neighbour

39 replies

Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 14:22

Just need to put this somewhere because I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

I'll try to cut a long story short.

Me, DP and 3 DC moved to a new area a year ago. It's a council house (might be relevant as we can't afford to just move or buy our own house).

Neighbours are all nice, apart from my NDN. She's never acknowledged us. We've tried to say hello when we've seen her out or in the garden etc and she'll ignore us. We do the school run, I've let on once when she was walking with her DSis and she sort of grunted at me then as soon as she passed, made a loud heaving/wretching noise. Since then she won't look at me, but will happily talk other parents.

We bought new fences for the back garden as soon as we moved in as it was overgrown with privets etc, the fence has benefitted us and 3 other neighbours. We got the all clear from housing & neighbours first. (NDN's DP ok'd the fence).
We paid for it, didn't ask any neighbours to contribute. Two sets of neighbours were so appreciative and one even gave some money towards the cost, which was nice.
Horrible neighbour sent one of her DPs friends round less than 24hours into starting the fence to find out when we're doing her side because 'she wants it done now'. Confused
Anyway the fences got done and she's not once acknowledged or thanked us. Whatever.

Thought that might have broken the ice tbh but obviously not.

Anyway, sorry this is becoming a long story.

They party nearly every weekend, until the early hours. Me & DP were going to bed, window open when we heard NDNs dog barking outside. Then she shouts ......SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BLCK FCKER.

So now it's quite obvious that she's racist.
(Dp is black, my children are mixed race)

We've overheard her say awful things about disabled people, she treats her DD like shit (social are involved) , she'll call her DD a cow, a dick head, bitch etc.

I don't even know what I want from the thread, I just needed to tell someone.

I feel awful, angry and hopeless that, especially my DC and DP have to live next to this vile woman and theres not really anything we can do😞

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 07/02/2023 14:54

Presumably she was shouting at the black dog to shut up and not your DS and DC?

She sounds unpleasant and I wouldn't make any further attempts to establish any kind of neighbourly relationship. Concentrate on the good neighbours you do have, and completely blank her.

She's already got social services involved with her family, so there's little you can do but give her a wide berth.

You should escalate the night time noise complaint to the council, on an estate you can't be the only family affected by her partying and shouting, so she won't immediately assume it is you who have reported her.

Thelnebriati · 07/02/2023 15:00

You can talk to your housing officer in confidence if you have one, find out where you stand and what the rules are. If she is also a council or HA tenant, you can complain about her racist comments. Not being a nuisance neighbour is usually a condition of the tenancy.
They might give her a 'first strike' warning. We had a neighbour who was warned as a result of her behaviour, she ignores everyone now but at least she's no longer shouting racist comments at people in the street.

Justellingthetruth · 07/02/2023 15:09

@Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour

ignore her and the minute she says anything call the police!

she is the ignorance one not you!

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:14

Is the noise a nuisance?

Other than that she's clearly a nasty cunt and I'd keep your distance.

Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 15:33

Thank you so much for the replies, it feels like a bit of a weight lifted just writing it down. I was starting to wonder if I was being sensitive.

@PollyAmour Yes she was shouting at the dog. Does that make it not racist?
I feel pathetic even writing this, but if the dog was white I doubt she would've said shut up you little white fucker..? Somehow. I don't know?

Also I don't really think it's fair for my DP or DC to have to listen to comments like that?

@GoodChat @Justellingthetruth @Thelnebriati
The noise is a nuisance, I've just never reported it because all of the other neighbours seem to just class them as 'the loud neighbours', and let them get on with it.
I suppose I could report them for the noise and hope for the best.

Thanks again for the replies

OP posts:
GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:34

I'd report the noise but include those specific comments in the report.

BaroldBalonz · 07/02/2023 15:36

Is her dog black? Or do you mean something else by blck? Don't know if I'm missing something, I call my dog a black & white knobber and the horse a ginger fool.

007DoubleOSeven · 07/02/2023 15:38

God that's awful!

I wondered what on earth her problem was until you mentioned race.

No advice I'm afraid just solidarity 💐

Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 15:39

@GoodChat I will do, thank you

@BaroldBalonz Yes the dogs black. Sorry I tried to put a * in-between the words as I didn't want to offend anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 15:40

@007DoubleOSeven Thank you x

OP posts:
veilvalance · 07/02/2023 15:47

It sounds like it could be racism.

Sending wishes of solidarity and a resolution for you, OP. Report them for the noise.

At least the other neighbours are decent. I have an awful next door neighbour currently (renting with her husband), unemployed and at home making noise all day. Screams and threatens her children and shouts outside down her phone all day (I work from home), but nice as pie and 'love you' to visitors and the neighbours who don't have to live next door to her. I'm close to reporting them, though rumour has it they might be moving on.

slashlover · 07/02/2023 15:55

We do the school run, I've let on once when she was walking with her DSis and she sort of grunted at me then as soon as she passed, made a loud heaving/wretching noise.

What does this mean?

gogohmm · 07/02/2023 15:56

She just sounds like she is not a nice person. Yes potentially racist but my suspicion is she is horrible to everyone. Speak to the council confidentially if you feel threatened or if the anti social behaviour meets the remit for action

caramac04 · 07/02/2023 16:05

She sounds pretty thick tbh, given her attitude towards you and your family I’d say she probably is racist.
Don’t even bother trying to speak to her but keep a diary on the noise and consider reporting to environmental health.
It sounds extreme but would a house swap be possible?

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 16:07

slashlover · 07/02/2023 15:55

We do the school run, I've let on once when she was walking with her DSis and she sort of grunted at me then as soon as she passed, made a loud heaving/wretching noise.

What does this mean?

I think it means she gave way to the woman who grunted as acknowledgement and then acted like she was being sick, like children do when they see something they don't like.

Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 16:32

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 16:07

I think it means she gave way to the woman who grunted as acknowledgement and then acted like she was being sick, like children do when they see something they don't like.

Show quote history

Yeah, exactly that.
I said hello to neighbour on the school run, she kind of grunted, then made a wretching noise to her sister as if she was being sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 16:38

@veilvalance Thank you. It's awful isn't it, hopefully yours move on soon, I highly doubt mine ever will.

@caramac04 I suppose a house swap could be a last resort. We're just reluctant to do that as we've spent so much money (well, to me a lot of money) trying to make this house look nice and make it our 'own'. The DC have settled in school etc etc. It's just this neighbour..

OP posts:
Auldandknackered · 07/02/2023 16:44

She sounds deeply unpleasant, but I’m not sure it can be racism against a dog. I mean I understand you think she is and you habe stated she wouldn’t have shouted it to a white dog, and it’s racist as it’s a black dog. But I’ve not really heard of that. But I will go with if you think she was racist to the dog, then your feelings count.

Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 16:51

@Auldandknackered I don't know if that was an attempt at sarcasm. I highly doubt the dog is offended by her comment.
But my black DP was quite taken aback and I wouldn't like my children to hear my neighbour shouting you black fucker. Whether it's to the dog or a person?

OP posts:
Stillcountingbeans · 07/02/2023 17:04

I don't think you can raise a complaint of racism based on her shouting at a dog, as you risk not being taken seriously.
Instead, start keeping records, with dates, of the dog incident, of the pretending to be sick incident, and anything else you notice happening. Then if she escalates to reportable behaviour you will have lots of supporting evidence.

Meanwhile, totally ignore her and don't even try to be sociable or nice.

Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 17:25

Stillcountingbeans · 07/02/2023 17:04

I don't think you can raise a complaint of racism based on her shouting at a dog, as you risk not being taken seriously.
Instead, start keeping records, with dates, of the dog incident, of the pretending to be sick incident, and anything else you notice happening. Then if she escalates to reportable behaviour you will have lots of supporting evidence.

Meanwhile, totally ignore her and don't even try to be sociable or nice.

I understand. I wouldn't make a complaint about racism unless she said something directly to dc or dp. It's just all quite passive, another eg, when her older DD plays rap music, NDN will loudly sing the N word, and miraculously it's the only word she seems to know in these songs. But again it could be brushed off as 'shes just singing', but still it's not nice for my DP or children to be hearing the N word tossed around.

I'll do what you've suggested and keep notes, just in case.
Thank you

OP posts:
WingingItSince1973 · 07/02/2023 19:01

I'm sorry OP from your posts she does sound racist and although shouting that to her dog is not direct to you there's no need to use the colour of the dog. Never in all my years as an animal owner, dogs, cats, horses, chickens etc I have never referred to their colour. I even had a black horse that was particularly tricky but why on earth would I reference her colour?! The wretching sound too after you've walked by is extremely childish but using the n word loudly so you can hear is absolutely disgusting. Please keep a record of any insults but don't let it take over your life. If she has SS involved with her children then you're not the first that has noticed what a horrible person she is. You have other neighbours that are lovely. Try and ignore this one as much as possible but report any antisocial behaviour to your housing officer xxx

Nsky62 · 07/02/2023 19:05

Did she annoy other neighbours, previous to you

Testino · 07/02/2023 19:28

But again it could be brushed off as 'shes just singing', but still it's not nice for my DP or children to be hearing the N word tossed around.

It's already in rap music so they've probably heard it 'tossed around' a million times (or in the case of your DC if still little, they'll possibly hear it soon).

She does sound like a goady racist and using those actions to passively antagonise you and your family. Like others have said, I'd report any direct nuisance from her, although someone like that knows how to cover their tracks very well. Besides that, there's nothing more you can do than to completely ignore her like she doesn't exist, no matter how many times she tries to get a rise out of you.

Original poster
Nctotalkaboutmyneighbour · 07/02/2023 20:16

@WingingItSince1973 Thank you for your reply, I'll take your advice on board...ignore and keep note xxx

OP posts: