Is the naughty step outdated…what do you use?

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Just reading another thread about supernanny and a few people saying the naughty step is outdated and not good to use.

We have used the naughty step as a last resort for bad behaviour but it got me thinking what way do people correct children’s behaviour now days?

We tend to come down to eye level explain why their behaviour wasn’t acceptable and then what the consequences would be if they continued.

What’s everyone else using now days? Just worried I’m maybe a bit out of touch!

Immediate natural consequence.

Unfortunately that means it depends every time! Sometimes you have to get creative!

Only in the sense of taking some space if it gets too heated. Very occasionally need to get away to stop from the situation.

But not sit there for x minutes, say sorry and carry on.

Natural consequences are great. Throw the new toy across the room, it breaks? Then that's fine, now you have a broken toy.

But actually, prevention is better than the cure tbh. Recognise then"warning" signs, give kids appropriate responsibility and decision making etc. Give them a voice and all that.

Oh we probably do a bit of this too just didn’t know it had a name. Every day is a school day!

If it looks like something is going to get broken I will remind them that it could break if they continue and it will not replaced as toys cost money etc.

It sort of goes:

DD your toy might break it if you play like that.
<breaks>
That's a shame.

No 'told you sos'. And always giving the option of making good if they do something to someone or thing. For example, DD arses around with drink even though she's been told. It spills. My FIRST reaction is "DD grab a cloth and clean up". And if she does it immediately it's all forgotten.

Immediate consequence, empathy, opportunity to fix it, move on quickly.

The naughty step gives absolute 100% attention to a child that is misbehaving - probably for attention. It’s totally counterproductive.

Praise, cuddle, sing, ruffle hair, tickle, laugh and love the good (and that’s everything - even if they’re not doing much), constant repeated instruction about what you expect and silent, disapproval with physical (gentle) removal if they’re misbehaving. They soon learn what behaviour wins the nice-feeling reward.

We used the naughty spot for both our kids and we found it worked really well.. they are now 12 and 8 and are both extremely well behaved and a pleasure to be around. I'd say we also have a very close family bond which I don't see often in other families..

We liked - immediate and clear consequence to bad behaviour that was easy for a small child to understand. You can have a naughty spot anywhere... but, the really important part is the bit when you take the child back off the spot.. our conversations always went

Adult: I put you on the naughty spot because you did xyz (and I told you not to, but you did it anyway) what do you say to mummy?
Child: Sorry mummy
Adult: I accept your sorry, I love you, let's have a cuddle
<lots of hugs>

It also meant you could move on immediately with a fresh start and no hard feelings.

Yes, same. We used a "corner" rather than a step, but at a young age, for a minute per age, at that age, it worked when needed.

We also do this but explain why they’re on the naughty step and get them to repeat it back. I don’t ever say “because I told you so”, I say what they did, why it’s wrong and what the consequence is.

i don’t fully understand the natural consequence thing - what do you do if your child hits the dog or throws something at their sibling for instance? (Pls don’t say: prevention better than cure, that’s obvious but sometimes things do happen)

There is no single solution, the naughty step, sending to room, time out, loss of privileges, quiet discussion or just plain old no, all are appropriate in some circumstances over around 2.5/3 years (they need to be able to understand why they are being punished) often you simply need to remove from the situation. One sized fits all is too simplistic

I used a naughty chair, in my dining room. If I used my stairs my dc wasn't out of the way (my stairs are close to my kitchen). I always did a minute per year of age.
I didn't have to do it much before dc learned because they didn't like not seeing what I was doing.

100% this! All depends on the situation and the child.

I was more surprised at the amount of people saying that the naughty step or spot is outdated. I don’t use it all the time more when it’s appropriate

i don’t fully understand the natural consequence thing - what do you do if your child hits the dog or throws something at their sibling for instance? (Pls don’t say: prevention better than cure, that’s obvious but sometimes things do happen)

No siblings so my life is a breeze! And she'd never hit the dog. But sometimes you do have to think outside the box for consequences.

We go with this approach.

Sometimes my ds needs to calm down and doesn't want held, touched etc. He usually takes himself off now and comes back when he is ready, but when he was smaller, I sat with him until he calmed enough to do some breathing and then have a cuddle.

We talk about the impact of behaviour but we don:t dwell on anything and avoid 'I told you so" situations by keeping the focus of conversation about what might happen the next time.

Semantics but we used time out, removal from the situation for time out, to calm down mainly.

We used naughty step and it was really effective.

Natural consequences where possible but sometimes it is just not practical eg hitting sibling, unkind words, anything dangerous.

I agree it depends on situation and no one solution for everything.

I have two children to be fair they were well behaved and thankfully are remaining to be in early teen/mid teen years, so we didn't have a standard response.

I do remember taking a favourite toy and putting that on time out, reducing cartoons. My favorite was not letting the eldest "wash" the pots, his favorite post dinner activity 🤣

4 year old, I basically just say no, immediate consequence and telling him what should be done instead. Child can be upset and annoyed, I try stay close and say he can have a cuddle if needs to. If it goes on for too long, I try to distract his mind from the situation.

1 year old, straight no and correcting his behaviour. If he bites his brother, he then has to say sorry, (he can't say it but stroking is the gesture for sorry) stroke. Kind hands instead, also stroking. Sometimes when he snatches, I tryi to explain that his brother was playing with it and he can't have it right now. He can have it when his brother is done playing with it but I will also offer cuddles because he's probably distraught that the toy was taken off him again.

Consequences don’t have to be things that just happen (like their toy breaking etc). It could be any reasonable consequence to their actions. So:

-If they threw something, I would take it away and explain that they couldn’t have whatever it was because they used it in a dangerous way. The consequence is that they don’t have whatever they were playing with anymore.

-If they hit the dog, i’d make them sit by me and explain that they couldn’t play with the dog right now because they weren’t being gentle and that makes the dog sad. The consequence is that their play is interrupted and they can’t interact with the dog.

We generally use a logical consequences alongside any natural consequences.

The natural consequence of an action happens without us doing anything. E.g. Don't wear a coat outside, you're probably going to get cold.

Logical consequences flow logically from the action and aren't punitive. E.g. Not looking after toys/playing appropriately then they need to go away. If you're getting down from the table with crayons then the crayons need to go away. If you're being unkind/physical with a sibling or friend then you have lost the opportunity to play for a short while.

What we don't do is anything arbitrary e.g. you had a tantrum at the park when it was time to go, so you don't get any sweets / you tipped your drink over so we're taking away a special toy.

I actually think that it is ridiculous to treat a baby like that.

My children are a similar age, and I have explained to my elder daughter that babies act a certain way, but there is nothing that can be done about it, other than to wait for the child to get older. She understands her little sister can't help snatching sometimes and she is very understanding about it. It is incredibly wrong to class your baby as naughty. It is just not possible for your baby to understand that they are doing anything wrong. I am always genuinely baffled why people even attempt any sort of discipline at that age. I actually find it disturbing and disgusting to watch. They have their whole lives ahead of them to be disciplined, they should get to enjoy the few short stages of baby hood in peace.

We used to have the “thinking step”, go away, think, come back when you are ready to talk…….Worked well for us, except ……….one memorable occasion….he was about seven…

I have had thinking time, I am not sorry, but I am bored,💁😂

In the interests of peace, I am willing to come back and discuss it.😂😂(He should have been a barrister👌)

He put his case to DH and I, and to be fair, put up a good , well argued, if not slightly dodgy defence. DH and I were far too busy trying not to laugh to be bothered.

You sound ridiculous, nowhere did the poster mention the word naughty

Also what's wrong with having to say sorry for biting or having a toy taken off you and given back to the sibling you snatched it off

We did natural consequences and finding a quiet place to calm
down if needed.

so basically sending a child to her room, but not framing it as punishment and not for a particular length of time. Just a calm statement that you seem overwhelmed. I want you to go to your room, take a break, and come out when you feel better.

I then modeled this by doing it to myself. When I started to melt down and DH was available to take point, I would send myself for a room calm
down. DH occasionally did the same, but it came up for him less often since I was home more in those days.

I have five children (teenagers and older) and they were a bit of a handful when they were little, all close in age, i found 123 magic very effective, the naughty step was really popular when my eldest was that age but it just didn't work with him, they've all turned into polite and respectful teens, in fact one of them reminded me about it the other day

I treated both of my children similarly, it's not ridiculous at all! My 1 year old understands 'no' along with basic instructions. If he bites or plays inappropriately with something I say no and remove him/the object as appropriate... if he's hurt his brother I'll ask/help him to say sorry with a cuddle and a stroke.
There's no mention of the word 'naughty'. Of course babies have no innate sense of right and wrong, however they are very empathetic little human beings who are capable of starting to communicate and learn earlier than we (sometimes) think. They have to start the process of learning sometime and I don't think there's anything wrong with starting early, gently, and with age appropriate expectations in mind...
Even when we just had one child (so less need to 'demonstrate' an apology for the sake of appearing fair to the oldest), I remember encouraging my then baby to 'say' sorry for hurting me. My approach certainly doesn't seem to have done any harm and his nursery often remark on how empathetic he is and how he plays nicely with other children.