Is the naughty step outdated…what do you use?

[Picturesonthewall123]

Just reading another thread about supernanny and a few people saying the naughty step is outdated and not good to use.

We have used the naughty step as a last resort for bad behaviour but it got me thinking what way do people correct children’s behaviour now days?

We tend to come down to eye level explain why their behaviour wasn’t acceptable and then what the consequences would be if they continued.

What’s everyone else using now days? Just worried I’m maybe a bit out of touch!

Part of the reason it's so contentious is that some things work on some children. You can't say one way is 'right' because children are different.

Mine was a runner, bolter, adventurous, full of energy and very very physical. Didn't sleep, ate everything. My girl is like a collie puppy basically!!

My friend has a leg-clinger, fussy eater, sleeps, very slow to try new things, delicate and sweet. He's a nervous cat.

You can't train them the same

I remember when DD fell over, we were a "shake it off" family. If that had happened to my friend's DS, he would have been wailing for hours.

Try different things and see what works. The step didn't work for us. 123 was OK, natural consequences were great.

This ^
We use the naughty step very rarely and it's mainly to take her out of a situation where she's going to hurt herself or others, or is overwhelmed and needs a moment to calm down. From being about 2 and a half, she'd actually take herself there to calm down if she was getting frustrated with something 🤣
We mostly use "natural consequences" but as I say, the main time we use it is when it's a safety thing and she's been told repeatedly "don't do that because xyz"

It's time in now, not time out, you allow them the time to have their emotions, emotions, even negative ones are normal, and you communicate. Sending to room, naughty step and such is all abusive bollocks

Of course it is ridiculous making a 1 year old say sorry. They have absolutely no idea what is going on. You all need help and educated I'm child development.

I also don't agree with the naughty step. It is sadistic and outdated. Try just talking to your children and not treating them like species from another planet that need to be experimented on with the latest discipline method.

My 6/8 year old boys get sent to their bedroom to take time to calm down.

I don't say it's naughty but to calm down their emotions.

We use a ‘thinking spot’. So removal from the situation, calm down, reflect on what you’ve done, come back when you want to talk
about it calmly. Worked really well from about 2.5 to 4.5. Any younger and they don’t really understand so I do immediate no, very brief explanation and then redirect. When they get older I found that they didn’t get so angry so didn’t need that calm down time, and usually a single warning stopped bad behaviour but when it didn’t they lose screen time for that day.

We do (or attempt to) natural consequences and quiet time – we’d never send her to her room as punishment but it’s framed as a place to reset and get calm. Quite often she’ll shout or roar “I want quiet time!” and take herself off there to work through her rage. I’m very fond of the parenting taking care of itself like this!

Annoyingly DP lacks thinking-on-his-feet creativity and has ADHD-related low tolerance at times, so in @MrsTerryPratchett’s example of “if you do that the toy will break”, if DD carries on dicking around he’ll escalate to “if you do that there’ll be no more toys ever!” Or on car journeys: “we’ll go home and that’s it! No holiday!” Mmmm, except we’ve travelled five hours and have a two-week break booked, we all know you’re not turning the car around. So then when she does whatever it is, he’s got nothing to follow through on. And if the toy DOES break, she’s then got the natural consequence, which she’s upset about, PLUS the threat of no more toys ever, cue instant wobbler.

There’s not a chance of DD staying on a naughty step. Might put DP on one though til he stops making stupid threats.

I think removal from the situation can be suitable, or not giving attention. Why punish such a young kid by leaving them all alone, what does that actually teach them when what they need is educating. I mean if you're talking to them before and after the time out and they happily stay where you told them too it's not a punishment to stay there - so why not just do the removal and talking to bit and stay with them while they calm down? Why leave them on their own? And if they don't happily stay there and keep getting off then it's just a huge amount of work and a battle of wills. I could just never see the point of it.

I think the naughty step being sadistic or abusive is taking things a bit far likely worked for some children my eldest had a little seat in the room I was in but my 3 younger children it just didn’t work for and that’s fine. My youngest is Asd so had to completely change how I parent as what works for my other children does not work for him. I think you need to be consistent but responsive and give them what they need at the time, which might be a cuddle and love or it might be some space and time to process and a chat later it is completely dependent on the child in front of you at the time.

Even the kindergarten where my kids go have a ‘break chair’ where the kids who are acting up get sent. I don’t really understand what the issue is or why this should be deemed old fashioned. It’s not like they strap them on the chair and pelt rotten fruit at them, whilst they all point and jeer.

I see it as the difference between a parent’s role of disciplining (ie teaching them how to make a better choice / how to cope with their emotions) and just punishing (unfair and unhelpful for children). I see the naughty step as an arbitrary punishment while talking / warning / natural consequences are better for learning. But I also imagine there’s all kinds of things I do now with the best of intentions, which will be considered outdated and unhelpful in 15 years!

We tend to do natural consequences but sometimes if my sons struggling we have a timeout where we sit together and trying to support his emotions. It's not a punishment it's space to try to reset. Sometimes I will reduce screen time or remove a toy but I always warn first.

Sadistic? How exactly?

Naughty step was the thing to do when my young teens were small . It worked well with one and was completely useless for the other . The only thing that I’ve come out of parenting little ones thinking really important is making sure you explain why you don’t want them to do something .

my teens are fine - they are decent but occasionally infuriating as one would expect from teenagers . We get on well and talk a lot and I don’t need to be particularly strict