Parents of primary school children who work long hours - how does it work?

[NewMum0305]

My little one will be starting reception in September and as my husband and I work until around 5.30, we’ll need to be using some kind of wraparound care. But I can’t quite work out how it will work in practice in terms of things like homework (when she’s a bit older)? Do we squeeze it in between getting home and bed, bearing in mind she’ll need food as well? Or save it all for the weekends?

For those who use wraparound care with younger primary age children who get homework, what is your routine like and how do you fit everything in?

For us DS7 dropped off at breakfast club at 8am and collected around 5. He gets a snack there. He always moans that we are too early collecting him as he’s having a great time with his friends.

most evenings he is then off to an activity, gets home about 6/6.30 has dinner. Faffs about playing for an hour and then a wee bit of homework and guitar practice. Usually he heads up to bed about 8.30: but procrastinates about actually going to sleep for another hour. Sigh

DH tends to do all school runs and activities. I work 8am to 6pm and make dinner about 6pm.

Hang out with DS and DH until 8.30 and then either put DS to bed or get on with chores / log back into work for an hour. Usually sit down about 9.30pm

Most of the homework was done in the morning in our house. This might be working well for you.

Spelling and reading are homework imo.

MN do favour childminders but there isn’t a hard and fast rule. I think a lot of children might prefer a calmer environment but equally I think a lot prefer an after school club with their friends. I had a childminder and she was perfectly nice but it never had a ‘home from home’ feel for me, even though I’d known her since I was little - I just remember sitting at the window waiting for my mum. I think the calm environment made it go slower! Best to see what your child enjoys before making any commitments.

Both myself and DH work full time (37-40hrs) and have since dd was 2. This meant long days at nursery 8:00-5:30, which prepared dd for breakfast/after school clubs. DD is now 9 and also does extra curricular at least 3 hours per week but we take queues from her. If she is too tired, no extra curricular. It really helps to meal plan or batch cook at the weekend to save time. Homework is very minimal and if you spend 5/10 mins every other day on it you will have plenty time to complete, even the year 4 homework.

I suffered mum guilt badly but it is paying off now as I have progressed in my career and have much more flexibility and can wfh at least 20 days a month, sometimes more which means DD can come home at the 'normal' time and really appreciates this. I feel your pain though, it's really hard being a working parent x

*cues lol

Surely it depends on the school? DSs class get set 2 pieces of English and 2 pieces of maths homework per week on top of spellings and reading. But we don't do it.

I'm a childminder & do homework with my mindees. I also do extra practice for speech with one. It focuses them & passes some time & they can go over it with their parents or just play at home.

I don't make tea though. By snack time at 3.30pm, I'm tired of feeding them! I've little ones that come from 8am-5.30pm & they are tired at the end of the day. I'd say if you could pick up by 5 on those timeframes it would be easier on dc. Overall though, all my mindees have great fun & build lovely relationships with each other. If you're unlucky a CM may have to take unexpected time off, so nursery would be more reliable, though CM usually cheaper

Thank you all for the very helpful replies.

To answer a couple of questions, re spreading my hours across 5 days, I have considered it but I commute from work and do hybrid working, so those days, I still wouldn’t make it for anywhere near school pick up, and would also then need an extra day’s childcare in the holidays. But I like the idea of doing some longer days to allow for some shorter days if possible (though as my days are compressed, they’re already quite long).

And to the PP who asked if my daughter does any reading now, yes, she can read short words “cat, dog, tree” etc. She has a real thirst for learning which is why I’m keen to make sure we can support it as much as we can re homework. It’s hard to judge without knowing the school’s approach, especially in the earlier years though.

If you can try and compress hours so you can pick up early for me that's a Tuesday where we get through all written homework. Reading can be done as and when. Maths for us it's times tables practice and sumdog challenges easy to do on pad or in car. Flashcards for spelling words, again practice in the car.

it’s mostly reading in reception tho shouldn’t be more than 10-15 mins a day. I used to get my child to read me a bedtime story.

If this is your first rodeo bear in mind Primary school generally expect a parent to be available to be around for 9.30/2pm family assembly / award ceremony/meet the teacher/ cake sale/ plays etc etc
plus if they call because your child is ill they usually need someone on hand to collect the child asap

for some reason they assume at least one parent / grandparent will always be around

We sometime do a bit of homework in the morning if we get up early, otherwise we try our best but don't always manage to do it all...usually skip one of the reading nights to do spellings that evening (DS1 can read well for his age though)

We had an au pair. She had the day free (she had language lessons) but did school pick up, took them home, snack, reading, tv. I would cook when I got home and we would all eat together, unless she was going out. Then DH and I did bath and bedtime. It worked really well.

This, one of you should really try to be around most days. I did 2/3 long days (13 hr shifts) sometimes these fell on the weekend. DH WFH twice a week and we had a nanny- housekeeper on one day a week, added bonus is that she cooked for us as well 😀. It is doable with flexibility from both parents and a little help from my friends. You can't do it alone.

It is entirely possible to do it alone.

Yes, schools would like someone to collect within an hour for sickness, but if you can’t, you can’t. We both commuted in the primary years and grandparents were 100+ miles away.

As for homework - you won’t be the only working parents, and schools should accept that you will do it at the weekend, or your early pick up day. It will work itself out.

Well if there were 2 of you, you weren't doing it alone 🙄

@Dyslexicwonder

Gosh I wish someone had told me this before I 'did it alone' very successfully for 6 years.

Daft comment. Many of us have to do it alone.

My children are thriving, we just cut out the noise like homework in the week or PTA bake sales.

I'm sorry if my post upset people. I think what I meant was if you are in a relationship with the DCs father it is unreasonable for you to attempt to do all pick-ups, drop-offs, your career will be disproportionately affected including your pension.

Yes, schools would like someone to collect within an hour for sickness, but if you can’t, you can’t.

This is so sad, that parents won’t prioritise their children and ensure they are close enough to be called in an emergency. Imagine being really unwell or hurt and having to wait so long for your parent to come.

I really don’t understand why people do not consider childcare arrangements before having children. Switch roles, compress hours, get a new job - there are so many options.

OP it is unfair on a young child for them to be stuck in childcare for so many hours every day. Starting school is a huge transition for them and they will need lots of rest and support.

They also need a break from ‘work’ like everyone else, spending their weekends doing homework isn’t a good solution.

Homework in Reception is mainly reading so we just did that at bedtime. Any other homework we only do once a week, at the weekend but it's not onerous at first.

After school club provide food but it's a larger snack rather than a full meal so DD normally has some toast or cereal when she gets home and watches a bit of TV to make sure she gets some downtime. If you're collecting her on a Friday afternoon after school I'd make that time for homework and also the weekend.

Oh my god. What a mad post. Views like this are the reason mums feel so much guilt when they have a career. Ffs.
I've got a good job which I love. I'm sometimes away with work, as is my husband. We are successful, our kids are happy, and we spend quality time together at the weekend.
We spend about 30 mins on a Sunday doing homework. Sometimes (shock horror!) we don't do it at all. Our kids are bright, read well and will be fine academically.

I'd also switch your early finish from Friday to midweekand encourage DH to do the same.

But why Mum's only ? Giving children a secure base is both parents' responsibility not just the mothers. If you can both shift a bit then it's win,win,win.

Eh?

I was replying to your post, you have a DH, as does the OP.

Whatever.

I just used to fit it what I could in the evening as wouldn't get them both home until 6ish. School understand that working parents would struggle to get everything done of an evening.
Definitely wouldn't have managed a 6.30pm bedtime though, think it was about 7.30/8pm once in school.