My life feels such a mess

[Registeel]

I've NC for this as it's quite outing.

Don't even know where to start as everything feels such a mess!

I've worked in the same job for 15 years. Did a qualification to be a counsellor a few years ago but for many reasons (young children, got divorced etc) I didn't see any clients. I felt that now would be a good time to start, so I've been volunteering for a charity over the past year, just a few hours a week, and then decided to work privately. I find the work quite hard, because it's not the job I've done for 15 years and know inside out, it's quite challenging and I find myself getting quite anxious incase I'm not good enough!

Anyway, I sent up my own private practice but managed to mess up my pricing strategy (totally my own fault for not thinking enough about it) and I've realised that by seeing clients I'll actually be losing money because of all my outgoings (room hire, supervision, insurance etc). I can't not see the clients, as they have signed up and it's all been agreed, but I also feel completely stupid for doing this and losing money.

I feel trapped. I used to have a bit of a side hustle that I used to really enjoy, but wasn't reliable hours, and now that I've set up the private practice and have a commitment to those clients, I won't be able to be flexible to do the fun stuff.

I also feel that having my own business needs me to be super organised, which I do not feel is one of my strengths!

I'm not able to sleep at night thinking about how stupid I've been with this venture and regretting it before I even start but don't know what to do.

I feel completely lost and I don't think this is what I want to be doing at all, or maybe it's all just my anxiety and it will be fine? I just feel miserable. I have the most brilliant kids and lovely partner and a reliable job and am finally doing the one thing that I thought I would do until I retire, but there's no joy in any of it.

Help?!

What would you tell a client who came to you with this story? How is making a mistake in the beginning ruining everything? It’s expected that many or even most small businesses don’t go into profit for a few years - can you see this initial loss more as an investment you’re having to make to get your business off the ground?

I think you can up your pricing for any new clients - so do the initial ones that are already signed up and from there work out your pricing and put a new structure in place. I think you sound better organised than you think!! Many people have no idea what they’re doing in life let alone doing some new qualifications and setting up a new business. Be kinder to yourself! Sounds like you’re doing fine to me. I expect you’re just stressed! X

Good question! I guess I'd reflect with them where the feeling of not being good enough is coming from (I'm well aware this is "my stuff" and that feeling is very familiar to me, so it doesn't take much to trigger that feeling) and challenge the accuracy of that view. I'd also encourage them to think about what it is they really want to be doing with their life - so spending time working out what's important to them and whether the work that they are doing fits with their life goals. I think for me a lot of my stuff revolves around safety - hence staying in a job for 15 years! Knowing that I am working and losing money makes me feel really unsafe, and that's probably why I'm already trying to back away from it.

Yes will definitely up my pricing now! Yes maybe I am just stressed and I don't think I cope very well with being stressed. I just sort of withdraw into myself, which is causing issues in my relationship because I just want people to leave me alone!

Would you be able to use a room in a friends or relatives house/office?

I don't think I know anyone that would have a room but haven't necessarily given it as much thought as I could have so I'll have another think, thank you.

Congrats on setting up your own business.

In terms of your outgoings, instead of panicking about it and thinking you need to start all over again/have buggered it all up, think about how you could make it profitable. You've already thought of charging more in future, what are the other major expenses that can be changed? Could you find an alternative shared work space where you live? There are loads everywhere I've been that have private offices. I don't know what supervision is in this case but is there a way of doing that cheaper e.g. if you need two people in the room could one be a student?

Yes I can look to see if there are other places I could work from. Supervision is a process whereby your work gets discussed with a senior colleague (supervisor) and is a mandatory process. They all charge about the same so don't think I will get that any cheaper.

I can't shake off the feeling of being trapped. I know that I'm not, but with my current job it's really easy to take leave at short notice, which is something that I sometimes do. With my counselling clients I feel a whole new level of responsibility that I need to be there for them and I'm accountable to them and that feels really draining. I know some of this seems really obvious and like I should have been able to anticipate it, but I don't think I knew this is how I would feel.

When you're training as a counsellor is this one of the things you cover? Could you get in touch with someone who did the course with, or someone who taught you, and discuss it? I think if you're feeling that responsible for your clients it's probably not ideal for either you or them.

I did the course so long ago that I'm not in contact with any of the people I trained with. It's something that I could discuss at supervision though.

this will be your rose from the ashes moment.
You're wayyyy outside your comfort zone, but actually horrid feelings aside, you're ok -house not at risk and kids will still get fed.
New pricing strategy will fix - this is temporary.

Hold your nerve, nothing worth having came easily and this is teething problems.

Thanks. I really hope you are right. All I can think at the moment is that I've made a horrible mistake and I just want things to go back to the way they were!

well... you've already said what your advice to a client would be if they came to you with this dilemma... now you get to experience how tough it can be to put advice into practice - if anything this experience will make you a better practitioner as you will not just understand but have recently lived through the kinds of difficulties you might be supporting people through.

Maybe you are right. I just find the whole thing so stressful. I'm going to lose money, I've booked clients in on an evening after a full day at my regular job so it's making for a long day and means I'll be rushing from one place to another. The whole idea of setting up my own practice was so that I could choose the hours I worked! Somehow I was so worried about getting clients that I've set myself up with a super stressful working environment.

I know it won't always be like this but these are open ended clients so I could see them for a really long time!

Emergency action required. Cancel your next week or two weeks bookings. Give yourself room to un wind and re think. Only then can you gather your thoughts and revise your plan. A nice walk in the park with a friend to discuss everything and you may find a light bulb moment.

Remember you are never trapped. you can make as many changes as needed.

I know it won't always be like this but these are open ended clients so I could see them for a really long time!

Setting up private practice can be tricky. First thing is to work out how many clients you want to see and which days/times. I have two days a week for private work and will take no more than two evening clients. From there you can see what, if any, flexibility you can build in to your week.

Work out your monthly supervision costs, advertising, membership fees, room hire add them all together and divide by the number of people you have space for, less one week. Eg if you have space for 5 clients a week divide your costs by 15 which gives you wiggle room for people who don’t attend etc. Then add on an element of fee for your work (eg profit). Decide how you’re going to deal with cancellations- will you charge a cancellation fee and if so how much.

In terms of your open ended clients, it’s always good to build in a review regularly, I’d usually review after 6 weeks and then every other month. It stops things drifting and means you’re clear about what they want to work on. At your review you can give them notice of your fee increasing to whatever you’ve worked out above. There’s no requirement to offer someone the same fee throughout the life of the work with you. Give 4 weeks notice of your fee increase and take things from there.

There are good resources online about starting private practice with template contacts etc. It’s by no means unsalvageable - you just need to find your business head.

It does sound hard.
My post sounded really preachy btw, I didn't mean it to it was meant to be a 'you could look at it this way' type thing, not the decree on high it sounded like. 😬

I hope that you come through it head high and a survivor, but it does sound a challenge on a level higher than it should have been which is not to be dismissed!

I think you need to review every six weeks.
Up prices and be realistic. Offer online to anyone who can't manage the price hike.
Don't forget to factor in your own supervision. It's going to be hard to start with.

I haven't even started seeing some of them yet! Think they might cancel altogether if I cancel before we start (although maybe that's the point!)

And thank you, that really helps.

Thank you, this is all really helpful. I am not used to having a business head on at all - I've worked for the NHS so never worked to make money if that makes sense! I had originally stated in my contract that I would review prices every 6 months but perhaps I can just amend that to something more realistic or maybe not even give a time frame at all and say they are reviewed regularly.

Agreed about the reviews, they are already built in so that's ok.

Yes the supervision costs are a bit of a nightmare, but I'll have to suck them up.

I hope that upping prices makes me feel better (as in I won't feel so bad that I'm losing money). If not then I think I need to question if it's the work itself that I'm anxious about.

There’s no need to lose money in private practice. With regard to the clients you’re already expecting it’s entirely possible they won’t start with you regardless. It’s important in this business that you look after yourself and that means looking after the money. If I can help, feel free to PM me.

That's really kind, thank you. It's a bit of a learning curve for me and all feels a bit much at the moment.