Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would this have annoyed you if your friend said this?

44 replies

lovelyRoses · 05/02/2023 22:09

I've been friends with a mum from the school for 8 years. We are quite good friends or so I thought.

Recently, her dds PE bag had gone missing. I've spoke to the mum about this and me nor my dd know anything about it. She has mentioned it to me daily for the past week and I've shared her concern and said I'll keep an eye out for it.

We are on a class Watsapp group and she must have been privately messaging another friend. She accidentally posted on the class group that her dd said my dd took the bag. She knows full well that my dd has nothing to do with it and said that to me in her own words on Friday.
She deleted the post but im sure many people had chance to see it.

Now my dd looks like a thief. I replied to say my dd would not do that and have had no reply back.

Would this annoy you? My dd has gave her no reason to think it would be her. She obviously thinks my dd has the bag else she wouldn't have mentioned it.

OP posts:
jenny38 · 05/02/2023 22:27

Yes it would annoy me. But also how annoyed would depend on how she had framed it to the other mum. I would be annoyed she had put something on the group chat, in error. Perhaps she's waiting to see you in person to address that. If I was her I would be cringing.

PersonaNonGarter · 05/02/2023 22:34

Yeah. I would be very annoyed. Why didn’t she just say that on day 1?

Mum97540 · 05/02/2023 22:37

How odd. I wonder why she thinks your DD has it. But yes. If I were sure my DD had nothing to do with it I'd be upset by that. Have you asked why her DD thinks your DD has it?

Nimbostratus100 · 05/02/2023 22:40

Id be upset at that yes. Are you sure your DD hasnt taken the bag though?

Minimalme · 05/02/2023 22:54

Very awkward. I think the friend is done.

Double check your dd's pe bag has all her own names stuff, then maintain dignified silence.

The other Mum sounds a bit crackers.

Original poster
lovelyRoses · 06/02/2023 06:44

Nimbostratus100 · 05/02/2023 22:40

Id be upset at that yes. Are you sure your DD hasnt taken the bag though?

I'm absolutely sure my dd didn't take it. The PE bags tend to come home at the end of term ( unless you request otherwise ). My dd takes to school a lunchbox, book bag and flask. That is what she comes home with daily. I would see if she had an extra bag with her. She is primary age and I pick her up every day.

I feel the mum has been mean to pin this on an innocent child. My dd is quite shy. If the other mums have mentioned this to their dc and they talk about it at school, my dd will probably get upset if the blame is on her.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 06/02/2023 06:47

Friendship would be done for that bit of nasty behaviour because if you really were friends why didn't she ask you?

plumduck · 06/02/2023 06:49

Ask her. Say do you think DD has it? Because it's not in your house.

Neolara · 06/02/2023 06:52

I guess your dd may not have taken it home but

Neolara · 06/02/2023 06:53

I guess your dd may not have taken it home but she may have done something else with it. Maybe that's what your friend meant.

Original poster
lovelyRoses · 06/02/2023 06:54

I will see her today, unless her dd is not at school for some reason. We usually stand in the line together before our dc go into class.
I will ask her if she thinks my dd has the bag. It's going to be awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelyRoses · 06/02/2023 06:57

Neolara · 06/02/2023 06:53

I guess your dd may not have taken it home but she may have done something else with it. Maybe that's what your friend meant.

The bag has been looked for by teachers and the mum on the school grounds. I trust my dd has no idea where it is. If she's lying she gets very embarrassed and I can tell instantly.

OP posts:
stopringingme · 06/02/2023 07:04

I would speak to the mum and ask why she would think my DD had taken her child's pe bag.

I would also speak to the teacher to make her aware and ask her to keep an eye out for any untoward behaviour towards my DD.

She is not really a friend if she has been interogating you all week trying to get you to say your DD took it and gossiping behind your back.

iamruth · 06/02/2023 07:10

I agree with others that I would find it hard to maintain the same level of friendship with someone after their message to another person. It’s very unlikely in my experience that any of the children would talk about this in school. They are generally much more easily distracted than that and it’s just not the kind of thing that primary age children are bothered enough about to discuss it in my experience so please try not to worry about your daughter in that respect.

Original poster
lovelyRoses · 06/02/2023 07:11

The thing that's annoyed me most is that she's involved my dd into it. Telling everyone ( accidentally ) on the group that she suspects my dd has the bag.

Secondly, the fact she's talking about me behind my back. If she didn't post that accidentally I would not have known she is telling people it could be my dd who took the bag. Makes me wonder what else she's said about me without me knowing.

OP posts:
Cosycover · 06/02/2023 07:11

It's going to be very awkward for her today. I'd make sure of that. I'd ask in the line infront of everyone.

Ladybug14 · 06/02/2023 07:16

Cosycover · 06/02/2023 07:11

It's going to be very awkward for her today. I'd make sure of that. I'd ask in the line infront of everyone.

I would do this too

I'd also email the school copying her in, telling the school what she's said and asking if you can help find the bag

WandaWonder · 06/02/2023 07:17

Sure I would be annoyed built op your extra most together, to me that is, thatctoy are turning this into something more

I would be annoyed and move on, probably would stay polite to her and just stick with that

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 06/02/2023 07:17

End the friendship, this probably isn't the first time she's spoken about you behind your back.

watchfulwishes · 06/02/2023 07:22

I would post into the group chat tbh, just something factual and friendly-sounding about the fact you've checked and the bag is definitely not there.

This parent sounds like a PITA. Just be breezy but avoid her from now on.

Tamarindtree · 06/02/2023 07:23

The source is the woman’s daughter who has said it was your daughter so you need to tell your daughter to tell her chum that she didn’t take it and for the girl to tell her mother that!

Ellie1015 · 06/02/2023 07:24

As she said "dd said your dd took it" i would think she isn't saying that is definitely true just that is what she is being told by her dd. I would be more annoyed if she stated "your dd took the bag"

That said it is not very polite to bring your dd into it at all.

familyissues12345 · 06/02/2023 07:38

I would probably say something to the mum and make sure her daughter hears it - wait for her reaction

Bankofrave · 06/02/2023 07:43

Ladybug14 · 06/02/2023 07:16

I would do this too

I'd also email the school copying her in, telling the school what she's said and asking if you can help find the bag

Show quote history

Good grief don’t send that email! Why would you involve them beyond the fact they have been informed a bag is missing?

and why offer to go and help look for it. It’s a PE bag not the Crown Jewels. Just makes you look guilty somehow.

icelollycraving · 06/02/2023 07:44

God I wouldn’t be emailing the school over it.
Just rock up at school as usual. Other mums will be watching the awkwardness.