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Original poster

Please tell me siblings who fight will stop at some point

44 replies

Motherofmonsters · 04/02/2023 16:05

DS is 5 (SPD and possible ADHD) and DD is 3. All they do all day is argue with each other. Everything is not fair or I win.
They keep fighting over imaginary stuff i.e. one will say I took your imaginary coins. It's really ruining our days together

Does it ever end? Will they grow out of it or am I doomed until they move out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Motherofmonsters · 04/02/2023 16:06

Oh and when they do play together they sound exactly like they are falling out, just laughing with it

OP posts:
stairgates · 04/02/2023 16:06

Could be either Im afraid🙂

Dogsandchocolaterule · 04/02/2023 16:23

No guarantee, me and my sister never really got on as small children, really disliked each other in the teenage years and aren't really close now, civil and polite but not close)

2 years between us and we just never clicked. Most siblings I know aren't close at all.

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KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 16:31

Not necessarily, no.

Hellocatshome · 04/02/2023 16:34

Maybe, maybe not. I mean I stopped arguing with my DB at about 15 because I just stopped talking to/engaging with him. We don't argue at family events etc now because we are adults and polite but we also don't interact.

NeedSomeSpace · 04/02/2023 16:42

Me (female) and my brother (3.5 years apart) fought horribly as children. We get on great now. Live hours apart so don't see each other regularly but have great chats when we visit our home town. I think we would be close if we lived locally to each other.

mibbelucieachwell · 04/02/2023 16:44

If my two are anything to go by there's hope. They squabbled all day everyday until the older one went to secondary school giving them a lot more space from each other. They get on well now as adults. In fact they live in flats just round the corner from each other.

MeanderingGently · 04/02/2023 16:47

Honestly, they do stop fighting but much older than you think - at least, that was the case with mine. I had a boy and a girl, they'd fight over imaginary stuff when they were little and still really argue right up until about age 10. Sometimes my lad lost it and would thump my daughter, I used to be afraid she'd grow up to marry a man who'd bash her up because of her experience with her brother.

But no, they are now well balanced, decent adults who get on well with each other and others, and don't even seem to remember arguing as children.....! I wish I'd known that as a young mother, I wouldn't have worried so much about it at the time.

ChristmasFluff · 04/02/2023 16:52

I would say they do stop fighting - when one leaves home. My and my little sister had a very 'volatile' relationship until I left home.

Then we got on, and even enjoyed hanging out. We are best friends now, and have been since our late 20s.

BurntOutGirl · 04/02/2023 16:52

My DS are like that. Ruined all day trips out.

They still bicker now.

Aged 19 and 15.... (19yr old has ASD, 15yr old is gobby)

MargaretThursday · 04/02/2023 16:53

If they play together then I'd say they'll grow out of it. Mine are now 22, 19 and 15 (all currently at home as #1 has just started her first job, and #2 is on a gap year) and they do argue but much less than they did.
Part of it is that they all retreat to their rooms more so there's less squabbling over the lounge toys. One thing used to drive me crazy as a child was if I got something like the Lego out (we didn't really have enough to build anything bigger than a small wall for more than one person) then my siblings would join in which meant I couldn't do what I'd planned.

What I'd say is encourage them to do separate things as well as things together. When mine were little I found often me joining in made a huge difference. As they got older I'd start off with them then gradually back out, but be on hand to make sure things aren't getting out of hand.

2crossedout1 · 04/02/2023 16:55

My brother and I were like this (18m apart in age) - played together well but also fought a lot. We're not close as adults either, sorry OP 😬

WheresTheCakeThen · 04/02/2023 17:46

Like MargaretThursday said you should try to find a way to encourage them to get on or at least to not constantly argue. They may grow out of it at some point, but just leaving them to it until they work out for themselves how to be civil / friendly is not going to make anyone happy and will ruin alot of otherwise fun family time along the way.

Play with them, modelling good interactions then gradually withdraw to the point you can be in the same room doing something else and eventually be able to leave them alone more. Make sure there are a variety of toys and/or enough of popular things like toy cars for example that they are less likely to be fighting over one thing. Encourage each one in their own interests and make sure each of them has their own space to go if they need to be alone or calm down (and it is clearly theirs - if they don't have their own bedrooms it could be a mini armchair or space with cushions etc and they are not allowed in the other one's space without permission). Clear, consistent and simple rules about using kind words and hands, how to share nicely etc.

One of DD's friends is constantly arguing with her sibling, their mum just sees it as normal sibling behaviour (which to a certain extent it is) but never does anything to help them get on better and as a result DD's friend is quite unhappy / shouty in general.

I work in EYFS and if we have children who don't get on we have to find ways to model good behaviour because it's our job to help develop social skills. Leaving them to sort it out doesn't resolve the issue in the long run and just results in negative feelings.

SpinningFloppa · 04/02/2023 17:59

Mine are 8 and 10 and fight all the time, I don’t think anyone can tell you they will/won’t

EmpressaurusOfWitchesBackFromTheDead · 04/02/2023 18:02

ChristmasFluff · 04/02/2023 16:52

I would say they do stop fighting - when one leaves home. My and my little sister had a very 'volatile' relationship until I left home.

Then we got on, and even enjoyed hanging out. We are best friends now, and have been since our late 20s.

This. My younger sister and I starred getting on better when I left for university and we’re really close now.

DelurkingAJ · 04/02/2023 18:03

I’m afraid my sister and I argued until the day I moved out for uni. I’m very fond of her and would happily do anything for her but we’re still not close…we’re simply too different.

It should be noted that neither of us ever took kindly to an outsider criticising the other!

Spanielsarepainless · 04/02/2023 18:04

I'm another who fought with a younger sibling until I went to university. We are very close now.

Someo · 04/02/2023 18:05

I bloody hope it stops! We have simular situation. Solidarity!

EmpressaurusOfWitchesBackFromTheDead · 04/02/2023 19:55

I think for us it was partly growing up, partly no longer living in the same house. Once I'd moved out we could choose when we saw each other and build a relationship on our own terms.

SeaToSki · 04/02/2023 19:59

I agree with trying to help them get on better. Children have to be taught how to do things….socially, emotionally, physically and intellectually. Some children pick up skills in one area fast and others have to be really coached.

Dogsandchocolaterule · 04/02/2023 22:23

I think that's the issue with siblings, people assume you will get on so well but you are completely different humans.

There is a competitive side where you are both wanting to be noticed and loved by parents, the older one seems to get special treatment, if you are older you think the younger gets special treatment.

I remember getting my sisters had me downs and thinking she gets new stuff I get her hand me downs.

I remember the "you two stop fighting or squabbling". We were always banded together even if she was the one being annoying. We would get into physical fights and she was much bigger than me and hurt me. We used to shout awful things at each other.

I have one child and I'm so glad as have none of that.

Justfolditin · 04/02/2023 22:26

We fought all the time as children. I remember my mum tearing her hair out at us arguing. It got better in teenage years then worse again as adults. Now we are non contact. Sorry OP!

FlimFlamBam · 04/02/2023 23:05

My sister and I didn’t get on that well but after she attempted to get off with my DH who told me and was petrified no I don’t get on with her at all. She has done other stuff as well that’s as bad. I honestly think there is something wrong with her.

toomuchlaundry · 04/02/2023 23:07

DB and I used to fight all the time. Haven’t seen each other for 20 years. Hopefully we are the extreme

Saschka · 04/02/2023 23:09

I hated my brother up until he was about 15. He was incredibly annoying, tbh (on purpose, he liked to wind people up). We fought constantly - physical fights when we were in primary school, constant nasty comments and sniping in secondary. We literally had the “mum, he’s looking out of my car window! He touched my half of the back seat!” arguments.

Get on much better since I moved out. Going on holiday with him (and DM, my DS, and his DW) next week.