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Original poster

Please tell me siblings who fight will stop at some point

44 replies

Motherofmonsters · 04/02/2023 16:05

DS is 5 (SPD and possible ADHD) and DD is 3. All they do all day is argue with each other. Everything is not fair or I win.
They keep fighting over imaginary stuff i.e. one will say I took your imaginary coins. It's really ruining our days together

Does it ever end? Will they grow out of it or am I doomed until they move out.

OP posts:

StillWantingADog · 04/02/2023 23:12

My dh says he fought constantly with his brothers growing up but as a teen they tended to ignore each other and thus things were calmer. they get on well now but they are all 40+!

mine are 9 and 7 and def tolerate each other better than they used to. As an OC
myself I don’t get the sibling “thing”
at all!

tangerinetreesandmarmaladeskies · 04/02/2023 23:16

They won't necessarily ever get on.

I'm an only child but both my parents and my DH have multiple siblings and I'd say a close relationship is very much the exception not the rule. Mum speaks to one out of five siblings and dad two out of six. DH speaks to maybe three out of four, but they're not close in the slightest and can go years without speaking even though we all live in the same town.

In fact, one of DH's sisters lives less than 100 metres from us but I've seen never end her and DH crosses the road if he sees her in the street as they had such an awful relationship growing up 😬

butterfliedtwo · 04/02/2023 23:19

This is why all the talk of giving first children a sibling so "they'll have each other" never made sense to me.

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NameChange2023 · 04/02/2023 23:21

I used to fight with my brother (2 years younger) up until I left home at around 16. We get on well now when we do meet up, but don't meet up that often sadly.

My sons (both with ASD) used to bicker a lot when they were younger, but get on really well now too.

I think it depends on a lot of factors, most of which are out of your hands unfortunately.

UsingChangeofName · 04/02/2023 23:21

dcs 1 and 2 fought all the time until they were about 15 and 17.
The last 10 years they get on really, really well.
So there is hope, in my experience - which is good, it's just you have quite a lot of years until you get there

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 04/02/2023 23:34

I thought I would never see the day that DD and DS got on. It was awful for a good ten years but for the time being - and I fully appreciate this may not last - they get on well. DD is 16 and DS 13. They still insult each other and fall out but ultimately they get on - I feel like an outsider at the dinner table (single parent) as they have so many 'in' jokes between them mainly from school and tiktok I'm sure. DD is Autistic and it's incredibly hard trying to navigate the teen years and I'm thankfully DS is supportive in his own way (Ie taking the piss out of her in a non hurtful wAy and accepting her as she is)

Sorry a long winded way of saying not to expect it but not to rule it out either. I do remember how absolutely draining that constant arguing is.

thinkfast · 05/02/2023 09:30

My DB and I stopped arguing and fighting as teenagers, as we spent less time together then. We are polite to each other nowadays (in our 40s), but we still don't like each other.

louise5754 · 05/02/2023 10:35

My dds are 10 and 12. The toddler / early primary years were bad with arguing / physical fighting but it's worse now. Every single day hurting each other, screaming, taking each others things. I'm autistic so it's so overwhelming. I blame myself as they are ok for others. Yours are still little I don't think they mean to be unkind like mine.

MsFogi · 05/02/2023 13:42

There's a book called something like Siblings Without Rivalry which struck a lot of chords with me when I read it after having children. My sister and I really fought throughout our childhood and we certainly don't have a close relationship now. Pretty much everything the book said not to do my mother had done and it really resonated with me. May be worth a read just to double check there is nothing you are inadvertently doing that is making the situation worse.

CalistoNoSolo · 05/02/2023 13:47

My brother was utterly vile to me from the age of around 10 until I left home at 18. Its one of the reasons I only had one child.

cheatingcrackers · 05/02/2023 14:43

Most people I know (myself included) fought a lot and played a lot with their siblings as kids and get on really well as adults. It's great that they're playing together even though they're arguing. I think it's worrying when siblings don't want to interact with each other at all.

My kids are 4, 6 and 8. The 8 year old argues a bit with the younger two, and the younger two don't argue between themselves much at all. I have spent quite a lot of time using the techniques from How to Talk Sibling Rivalry though - I'd recommend reading it.

cheatingcrackers · 05/02/2023 14:44

Sorry maybe the book I'm thinking of is Siblings Without Rivalry as recommended by a PP

MaverickGooseGoose · 05/02/2023 16:03

My two, twins, bicker but not on the level that I did with my sister. We don't speak at all now.

Ladyofthesea · 05/02/2023 16:56

Dh and his sis stopped fighting but there's no love between them.

DB and I both fought and played lots as kids and then started to really enjoy each others company once we were both teens. Now middle aged we still get along great.

Someo · 05/02/2023 16:56

Me and my younger sister did nothing but fight and argue. Now at 29 and 32 we get on great. Me and my siblings chat most days. My older brother and sister were the same and now they're super close.

Soubriquet · 05/02/2023 16:59

Urm…no.

Me and my sister were awful growing up. She was such a selfish cow. She would go in my room and take my stuff but if I dared to step a toe in hers, she would go nuts.

She would bully me at school encourage her friends to do it too.

We are now no contact. It’s fucking bliss

jumpingzoo · 06/02/2023 22:01

Hmm me and my sister never stopped fighting well into. Adult hood. We just didn't like each other. Now completely nc and suits us both. Used to fight endlessly as dc.

Ricco12 · 06/02/2023 22:26

Two boys 6 & 8 still fight about 50 times a day .. best friends one minute then punching each other the next

It's never ending

BogRollBOGOF · 06/02/2023 22:36

My 12 & 9 yo regularly engage in the ancient sport of sibling baiting. They clearly love each other; they snuggle up like a pair of puppies, but regularly wind the other up.

DS1 has ASD, dyspraxia and sensory issues. Often he'll snap, lash out, do something daft or drag out an old or in-game grudge. These days DS2 will give as good as he gets back, although his physical control is better and he struggles against DS1's lack of control/ inhibition. Physically, they are similarly sized.

It's hard. They want to be together, but they haven't got the sense/ skill to read when things are about to escalate and back off/ create more space. TBH it can be hard to read how it's brewing as an adult, and they don't want to seperate before it's too late.

They can be incredibly sweet together too and have a lot of overlapping interests.

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