Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I've organised a night out and someone's offered to drive

50 replies

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:31

We're going to a music event about 30 mins from here by train. Five going all, live fairly close to station except one woman who would normally join our train at the next stop.

One man who doesn't drink has offered to drive, which makes getting home much easier because he'll drop us all home.

He has suggested we meet at a central point rather than him picking everyone up. This makes sense, most can easily walk to the suggested pick up point and it will save him quite a bit of time. However next stop woman would really need to drive , which defeats the whole object, the originally planned train would be easier for her.

I'm the organiser. Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask if he'll pick her up (she won't ask) ? It's vaguely in the same direction as the venue but not exactly on the way, so he could pick her up after he's collected the rest of us. Otherwise, I'll offer to fetch her and bring her to my house so we can walk to the pick up together. He has already said he'll take her (and the rest of us) home.

WWYD?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 01/02/2023 22:37

I think he's doing enough already, pick her up and bring her to your house.

RNBrie · 01/02/2023 22:40

Oh just ask! But make it clear he can say no...

"Hey Pete, I was wondering if we could pick Debbie up on the way? It would make her life much easier and it is sort of in the right direction. If you don't think it makes sense then we can figure something else out, what do you think?"

Easy peasy!

rookiemere · 01/02/2023 22:43

I think you should just fetch her or she gets a taxi to the station.

Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:46

Yes, this is my thinking, but he's the one in the group I known least well. The rest of us have been going to these things for a while, he's only joined us recently following his marriage breakdown. I'm a bit worried he's trying too hard to be liked and don't want to take advantage iyswim. He's a fragile chap atm.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:47

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:46

Yes, this is my thinking, but he's the one in the group I known least well. The rest of us have been going to these things for a while, he's only joined us recently following his marriage breakdown. I'm a bit worried he's trying too hard to be liked and don't want to take advantage iyswim. He's a fragile chap atm.

Sorry, that was to RMBrie.

It's a good 30 mins for me to pick her up (there and back). Maybe 5 mins out of our way to get her on the way.

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 01/02/2023 22:48

id just ask and maybe sort some payments toward petrol from everyone.

Clymene · 01/02/2023 22:49

Is there any reason why she can't ask?

Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:49

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 01/02/2023 22:48

id just ask and maybe sort some payments toward petrol from everyone.

Our usual arrangement is driver buys no drinks

OP posts:
Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:49

Clymene · 01/02/2023 22:49

Is there any reason why she can't ask?

Just because she'd feel cheeky

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 01/02/2023 22:50

No it wouldn't be reasonable if this man is giving everyone a lift. She will either need to get to the meeting point or make her own way to the event.

Eas1lyd1stracted · 01/02/2023 22:50

Surely if she's one train stop from you she can get the train to yours. Then you all get a lift? I appreciate its in slightly the wrong direction but this seems fairest and she still gets a lift home.

fruitbrewhaha · 01/02/2023 22:51

Why can’t she just get the train there as planed
and get a lift home?

Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:53

fruitbrewhaha · 01/02/2023 22:51

Why can’t she just get the train there as planed
and get a lift home?

I'd go by myself on the train but would most women at 8pm? This is not London. Stations and trains will be quiet .

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 01/02/2023 22:55

I don’t think 8pm is late to get a train alone

Chiasmi · 01/02/2023 23:00

Is there a compromise place you can suggest that's easy for her to get to but more directly on his route? Kind of a next stop version of your central meeting point?

Whatifthecathatesthebaby · 01/02/2023 23:02

8pm is not at all late to be getting a train. We live semi-rural. Station is a 20 min walk from home I do this solo (and back on the last train), if she's worried call a friend while walking/waiting.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 01/02/2023 23:02

I think she should get the train to either the station before and get a lift, meet you there and get a lift home, or ask him herself to collect her.

And yes, I get a train alone much later so don't think 8pm is late to be on a train alone.

Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:04

I get the train on my own, including the last one often, but most people on MN and IRL seem to be horrified that I do.

OP posts:
Spookysparkles · 01/02/2023 23:06

Yep agree- this is your answer

catandcoffee · 01/02/2023 23:09

Ask him if its definitely 5 mins detour to collect her.

Personally I think you should all give him petrol money as well as his drinks.

SkyHippoOnACloud · 01/02/2023 23:11

If she's that horrified at the prospect of a train alone at 8pm she can get a taxi to the meeting point for a lift. It's her choice.

Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:12

catandcoffee · 01/02/2023 23:09

Ask him if its definitely 5 mins detour to collect her.

Personally I think you should all give him petrol money as well as his drinks.

Do you? It's about 15 miles. If he has 4 cokes uring the eveing, that's what, about £10? I hate being offered petrol money anyway. If I've offered a favour, it's a favour and in most cases I was going to drive anyway, but surely £10 is enough?

OP posts:
Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:13

SkyHippoOnACloud · 01/02/2023 23:11

If she's that horrified at the prospect of a train alone at 8pm she can get a taxi to the meeting point for a lift. It's her choice.

She won't be horrified, it will be the men in the group who don't think she should.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:14

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:12

Do you? It's about 15 miles. If he has 4 cokes uring the eveing, that's what, about £10? I hate being offered petrol money anyway. If I've offered a favour, it's a favour and in most cases I was going to drive anyway, but surely £10 is enough?

Show quote history

I mean, I wouldn't object to paying more if that's the right thing to do, but I wouldn't accept if it was offered to me and I might even be a little bit offended.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 01/02/2023 23:15

Could she say "If I get the train in and meet you there, would you mind dropping me home?"
or
Could she not get the train one stop back to yours ?
or
Does she not have a partner who would drop her to the meeting point ?

I don't think you can ask the driver to go and fetch her, no. Up to you if you want to.

No, don't start splitting petrol money. I wouldn't take petrol money unless I were driving you all on holiday. This is one evening out. The rest of you pay for the parking and get him whatever he is drinking.

Swipe left for the next trending thread