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Original poster

I've organised a night out and someone's offered to drive

50 replies

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:31

We're going to a music event about 30 mins from here by train. Five going all, live fairly close to station except one woman who would normally join our train at the next stop.

One man who doesn't drink has offered to drive, which makes getting home much easier because he'll drop us all home.

He has suggested we meet at a central point rather than him picking everyone up. This makes sense, most can easily walk to the suggested pick up point and it will save him quite a bit of time. However next stop woman would really need to drive , which defeats the whole object, the originally planned train would be easier for her.

I'm the organiser. Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask if he'll pick her up (she won't ask) ? It's vaguely in the same direction as the venue but not exactly on the way, so he could pick her up after he's collected the rest of us. Otherwise, I'll offer to fetch her and bring her to my house so we can walk to the pick up together. He has already said he'll take her (and the rest of us) home.

WWYD?

OP posts:
NoMoreVisits · 01/02/2023 23:15

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:31

We're going to a music event about 30 mins from here by train. Five going all, live fairly close to station except one woman who would normally join our train at the next stop.

One man who doesn't drink has offered to drive, which makes getting home much easier because he'll drop us all home.

He has suggested we meet at a central point rather than him picking everyone up. This makes sense, most can easily walk to the suggested pick up point and it will save him quite a bit of time. However next stop woman would really need to drive , which defeats the whole object, the originally planned train would be easier for her.

I'm the organiser. Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask if he'll pick her up (she won't ask) ? It's vaguely in the same direction as the venue but not exactly on the way, so he could pick her up after he's collected the rest of us. Otherwise, I'll offer to fetch her and bring her to my house so we can walk to the pick up together. He has already said he'll take her (and the rest of us) home.

WWYD?

If the other woman only lives one train stop away why can't she get a taxi from her train stop to the Central meeting point? Seems a bit like a no-brainer really.

NoMoreVisits · 01/02/2023 23:17

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 22:49

Just because she'd feel cheeky

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So she doesn't want to be cheeky but it's ok for you to be cheeky!

Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:19

NoMoreVisits · 01/02/2023 23:17

So she doesn't want to be cheeky but it's ok for you to be cheeky!

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No she hasn't suggested anything. She'll probably bring her car left to her. I was just trying to think of a way to avoid that, feeling a bit guilty that the change of plan works really well for the rest of us, but not so much for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:19

NoMoreVisits · 01/02/2023 23:15

If the other woman only lives one train stop away why can't she get a taxi from her train stop to the Central meeting point? Seems a bit like a no-brainer really.

Show quote history

One stop when you're not in London is quite a long way!

OP posts:
Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:23

It also means a minicab which are few and far between and unreliable keep here since Covid. Most drivers don't seem to have returned to the industry. The local FB pages are full of taxi moans every weekend 😆

OP posts:
TheBigWangTheory · 01/02/2023 23:23

People to are being weird about this. He offered, it's totally fine to ask him to go five mins out of the way save her a train ride, he doesnt have to.

If I was him and had offered I would be annoyed if you didnt ask for something so easy for me to do, and I would not want you to offer petrol money.

Original poster
NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:24

TheBigWangTheory · 01/02/2023 23:23

People to are being weird about this. He offered, it's totally fine to ask him to go five mins out of the way save her a train ride, he doesnt have to.

If I was him and had offered I would be annoyed if you didnt ask for something so easy for me to do, and I would not want you to offer petrol money.

This is exactly how I'd feel, but I wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable.....

OP posts:
ditalini · 01/02/2023 23:26

If it's really 5.mins then that's not a big ask at all.

EzzieM · 01/02/2023 23:30

If its only a 5 min detour I’d ask him on private message if he minds picking her up.

catandcoffee · 01/02/2023 23:31

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 23:12

Do you? It's about 15 miles. If he has 4 cokes uring the eveing, that's what, about £10? I hate being offered petrol money anyway. If I've offered a favour, it's a favour and in most cases I was going to drive anyway, but surely £10 is enough?

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15 miles there then back then dropping people off individually?

Might be nice to offer even though he will probably refuse.

maddy68 · 01/02/2023 23:51

You are not the organiser. You are a facilitator. He has offered to drive. She would prefer to get the train. The offers there she takes or leaves it.

Lift is at X o'clock at x location for those who want a lift. Those getting the train we will meet you a x location

TheBigWangTheory · 02/02/2023 00:01

maddy68 · 01/02/2023 23:51

You are not the organiser. You are a facilitator. He has offered to drive. She would prefer to get the train. The offers there she takes or leaves it.

Lift is at X o'clock at x location for those who want a lift. Those getting the train we will meet you a x location

She would not prefer to get the train, she would prefer if he could pick her up. There is nothing at all wrong with asking him

SnarkyBag · 02/02/2023 00:07

Buying him a couple of cokes between you all is well tight!

Changingplace · 02/02/2023 00:08

fruitbrewhaha · 01/02/2023 22:51

Why can’t she just get the train there as planed
and get a lift home?

This, why can’t she get the train, meet you there & he just drops her home with everyone else? (Or she just gets the train home too?)

Buttalapasta · 02/02/2023 07:15

5 minutes out of the way? Definitely ask!

rookiemere · 02/02/2023 07:21

It's quite odd that grown women are anxious about getting a train for one stop at 8pm, and that men wouldn't let them.

Do you live in Midsomer ?

AnnoyedFromSlough · 02/02/2023 07:29

Just ask.

You can word it in a way to suggest it's one of a few options.

'Hi Gary, I've been speaking to Jenna about Friday. She's thinking of driving to our meet up point, or maybe getting the train to the event and getting a lift back. It's not far out of the way, so I was wondering if you'd be willing to pick her up on the way - but obviously I want to run it past you first before I mention it to her. No pressure!'

Original poster
NewFriday · 02/02/2023 07:49

rookiemere · 02/02/2023 07:21

It's quite odd that grown women are anxious about getting a train for one stop at 8pm, and that men wouldn't let them.

Do you live in Midsomer ?

Let me see if I can find one of the numerous threads a about how being out after dark alone is irresponsible

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 02/02/2023 07:53

His car doesn't run on Coke! 45p a mile is the going rate for mileage. If 10.00 covers that then so be it.

Wishona · 02/02/2023 07:58

Whatifthecathatesthebaby · 01/02/2023 23:02

8pm is not at all late to be getting a train. We live semi-rural. Station is a 20 min walk from home I do this solo (and back on the last train), if she's worried call a friend while walking/waiting.

I’m the same. I got the 11pm train home alone this week and walked 15 min home. It’s a normal thing to do.

But, I think in the case OP you should pick her up. A 30 min round trip for you is easy enough to do. Don’t make this man feel like you are all vaguely taking the piss if he’s a bit vulnerable.

Whiskers4 · 02/02/2023 08:16

If she got the train to your area, would that be less driving than picking her up from home?

UsingChangeofName · 02/02/2023 08:43

Let me see if I can find one of the numerous threads a about how being out after dark alone is irresponsible

and then read all the logical people that post 'don't be ridiculous'. We are talking about the start of an evening here, not 3am.

I still think if the driving chap were asked "If non local friend gets the train there, would you be kind enough to drive her home at the end?" if gives him the chance to say "Oh, I'll pick her up on the way through, it's not far" if he can, but doesn't pressurise him into feeling he ought to, if he is really tight on time.

Lemevoir · 02/02/2023 08:43

I'd ask him if he'd mind picking her up. Or say not to worry & you'll all get the train as normal.

It seems to me that this is one of those situations where you have a good set up already (train, with friend getting on at next stop) and the offer of a lift (albeit coming from a kind place) has potential to mess up the dynamic you've already established in your friendship group.

Lemevoir · 02/02/2023 08:51

UsingChangeofName · 02/02/2023 08:43

Let me see if I can find one of the numerous threads a about how being out after dark alone is irresponsible

and then read all the logical people that post 'don't be ridiculous'. We are talking about the start of an evening here, not 3am.

I still think if the driving chap were asked "If non local friend gets the train there, would you be kind enough to drive her home at the end?" if gives him the chance to say "Oh, I'll pick her up on the way through, it's not far" if he can, but doesn't pressurise him into feeling he ought to, if he is really tight on time.

He's already taking non-local friend home.

"He has already said he'll take her (and the rest of us) home." (from OP's first post).

MaryDoll84 · 02/02/2023 09:05

I'd ask him if he could collect her on the way. If it's really only 5 minutes then it's hardly a massive ask. And I don't think you need to offer petrol money either-drinks are fine so long as the cost of them would be the equivalent (or roughly) in petrol costs. As long as you ask nicely and express sufficient gratitude then I don't see how it's cheeky. And I say this as someone who hates asking for favours and is very conscious of taking the piss. Enjoy the gig.

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