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Original poster

If your brother and sister in law split up, have you remained friends with your sis in law ? Mines become a good friend

38 replies

Grapefruitbreakfast · 30/01/2023 16:44

And I’d hate to lose her but not sure how realistic a continued friendship is

anyone else been here ?
How did it pan out ?

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 30/01/2023 16:54

It totally depends on the circumstances. If she cheated on your brother then I wouldn't entertain the idea but if the relationship has ended amicably (ie no one crossed any red lines) then it's perfectly fine in my view. I am friends with someone my youngest brother dated 20 years ago. My brother has no issue with it. I just don't particularly talk about her to him or his wife etc.

HellcatSpangledShalalala · 30/01/2023 16:57

My dad's best friend is my uncle, who divorced from my Aunty (mums sister) 30 years ago.

ItsCurtainstothat · 30/01/2023 16:59

My cousin has stayed in touch with her brothers ex gf. They were together a long time and went on holidays with her.

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 17:03

Not me, but my best friend is still really good friends with her ex SiL. ExSiL still lives next door to her own ex MiL and pops in to check on her.

Perihelion · 30/01/2023 17:06

I went to my ex SIL's subsequent wedding. I no longer speak to my brother, due to his behaviour towards his children.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 30/01/2023 17:07

Other way round but yes we're still very good friends despite her brother deciding he will have no comms with me, his XW, whatsoever while I raise his three special needs teens single handedly (two now as one has left home 🥂🍾) and he gets to enjoy the life of a free man.

We've known each other since we were early twenties. Now 50 and seen each other through marriage trauma, pregnancies, kid raising, elderly parents and the like. Our kids see their cousins because of our continued friendship it's ace.

She is very diplomatic and I manage to rarely say anything bad about her twunty brother.

mostlydrinkstea · 30/01/2023 17:11

From the divorce groups I'm on it is common for the sisters in law to drop the ex wife like a stone when the brother/husband leaves a marriage. It doesn't matter how long the friendship has been, blood is thicker than water and the ex wife is out. Others may have a different experience.

Lolreally · 30/01/2023 17:49

My dps exw cheated on him and then left him his sister stayed friends with her and sometimes calls me by her name.
I dont understand I couldnt in those circumstances but it doesn't bother my dp.

Hups · 30/01/2023 18:14

I did and we still are good friends some twenty years after they divorced.
She still visits my parents regularly too.
She is very much still part of our family and attends family events.

SecretSophie · 30/01/2023 18:19

My ex SIL hasn't spoken to me since I split up with her brother, neither has ex MIL.

Montii · 30/01/2023 18:19

My mum is still friends with my Aunty (who is my father’s, brother’s wife).

My parents divorced 18 years ago after 18 years of marriage so my mum and Aunty had been close for almost two decades.

I don’t think it bothers my dad at all that they still see each other.

NameChange329435 · 30/01/2023 18:28

My best friend is my ExSIL.

mdh2020 · 30/01/2023 18:28

My sister split up with her husband and we remained friendly with him, In fact, more friendly than with her. TBH he had very little family and we felt sorry for him - the split wasn’t his fault, And we really liked him.

Notateacheranymore · 30/01/2023 18:31

My best friend from Y8 to VIth Form became my SIL when I was in my first year of uni. We are still good friends, and although we are not geographically close, we chat often on FB.

My brother on the other hand is a complete cockwomble, and the only contact I have had with him in the last 10 years has been family funerals. He is a rapist and domestic abuser. The worst thing I ever did was encourage my best friend to accept a date from my brother. Fortunately, she was strong enough to get out with encouragement from her second husband - who unfortunately has the same first name as my brother. In every other way, he’s the brother I wish I had.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 30/01/2023 19:10

BIL recently left SIL for a man. SIL, unsurprisingly, doesn't want anything to do with him or his family. I messaged with her a few times after the breakup, but she stopped responding and I respect that.

No DC, no property together, so she can start again with clean slate if she wants.

LuluBlakey1 · 30/01/2023 19:21

We are going through thus at the minute. SIL (DH's sister) has left BIL and their 2 small children after they moved to Scotland about 18 months ago. They are all staying up there. SIL has sort of gone quiet (BIL thinks she has left for another woman). DH and I both really like BIL. BIL is the one keeping in touch and keeping their DC in touch with PIL. SIL has become very distant from PIL and DH (and me) over the last 2 years- seemed to feel pressure but wouldn't talk about it, we thought the move to Scotland might ease things for her.
We're not sure what to do. She doesn't answer her phone but responds briefly to the odd text. We have no address. BIL has no address.She sees their DC once a week at their house- he goes out. At the minute DH or I text her every week just asking how she is and hoping she's well. We talk to BIL probably twice a week and PIL skype him to talk to the children. He is coming to stay for a few days with us at half-term.
It all feels very strange.

LakeTiticaca · 30/01/2023 20:05

Slightly different way round but I divorced my ex 37 years ago but still good friends with his sister. I think I should have married her instead 😂😂

ApolloandDaphne · 30/01/2023 20:11

I did. She is like a sister to me whereas my brother I keep at arms length.

Borris · 30/01/2023 20:38

I'm (loosely) friends with my ex BIL and his wife. But my xh doesn't bother with his family at all so no conflict ...

Babytwodue · 30/01/2023 20:40

It depends on the circumstances of the split ….
I always imagined I would stay close with my SIL as we were really good friends. But she has done some unthinkable things to my brother and I haven’t spoken a word to her in over 12 months

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/01/2023 20:41

I still go for a drink and talk shop occasionally with one of mine. It wasn’t a terrible breakup, they just grew up and out of each other. I think it can get difficult once new relationships begin though: there are frequent posts on MN from women who don’t like that their new boyfriend’s family members have remained friends with his ex / consider her still family; and whilst my brother’s current partner is totally fine with our friendship the (batshit) one previous to her thought that my brother should tell me to cut contact with her.

goldennotyetoldie · 30/01/2023 20:53

Yes. She's on here and she's fab 😊

I've seen BIL once or twice since they split and frankly I'm not bothered if I never see him again. He never liked me anyway.

My PIL weren't exactly delighted that I stayed in touch but my relationship is my own, and down to me.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/01/2023 20:57

Yeah my ex SIL is my best friend

SeemsSoUnfair · 30/01/2023 21:09

I am closer to my ex-SIL than my dbro 🤷🏻‍♀️. My parents remained close to her too.

We were not close before they split but bonded when she moved back to our local area with 1 yr old dniece and needed support. Been on many cheap UK breaks with her, dniece and my dc (leaving dh behind 🤣), I was very active in dnieces life (more than my brother was) and supported both of them through some very traumatic times. She is also my dc's closest aunt/uncle relationship.

Was very easily done by simply not discussing ex-SIL with dbro and telling ex-SIL while I loved my dbro I didnt particularly like some of the things he did to her.

mindutopia · 30/01/2023 21:15

I really wanted to. We’d been friends for 14 years. Unfortunately, she ended up getting quite intense and I had to put some distance between us. She cheated on BIL with several different people and it was quite a sad split (he really wanted to work on things at the time). But then I just got lots of weird texts and voice notes over the next year or so, which were just really intense and involved me way too much in their break up. So I’ve had to just let it go for my sanity. I think though that in the right situation it’s totally possible and especially if there are children involved and you obviously have a close relationship with them.