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Original poster

Text to stop man (not romantic) texting me

42 replies

Meltedcheeses · 29/01/2023 18:04

I recently lost my job.

A man in the industry reached out. He is well connected, married and 17 years older than me.

I was happy to give him my number and we have met a handful if times for drinks, including with his wife.

He will not stop texting me. Often 7 or 8 in a row.

About nothing.

I have left it several hours to reply. It does not deter him.

He has secured one job interview for me. For that reason and because I don't like to be unkind I do not want to fall out with him.

But this is ridiculous. I had 72 texts from him yesterday. He also pings me on social media and on email.

He wants to meet up every day (I met him on Thursday. He asked to meet again on Fri I said no. He asked again yesterday I said no. He asked again today I have not even replied).

What can I say that just says no offence but the volume of texts is overwhelming. Please allow me to focus on my job search and other activities. I am of course available should X and Y wish to speak to me about the Z project.

Really stressing me out.

OP posts:
CrescentMoons · 29/01/2023 18:07

Block him

LolaSmiles · 29/01/2023 18:10

Don't reply to him, and block his number.

Or send a final message that doesn't leave the door open.
E.g I was happy to be in touch on work grounds and to maintain a professional relationship, but the current number of text isn't ok. If these texts don't stop to a more appropriate level (eg a conversation once a week/fortnight) then I'll have no option but to block your number as it's overwhelming.

DestinysGrandchild · 29/01/2023 18:11

Block him. It's weird and desperate.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships Relationship problems
BanjoKnockers · 29/01/2023 18:14

"Too many messages! Thanks for your help, but I'm really not a great texter"

Irisheyesareshining · 29/01/2023 18:16

”Thanks for your help , I really appreciated it but I think it’s best the messages stop now “ then block he’s got a hidden agenda here 😩

Northlights22 · 29/01/2023 18:17

Ignore him

Somanysocks · 29/01/2023 18:19

He fancies you, block him.

Tamarindtree · 29/01/2023 18:22

Thank you for your help with the job interview. I will no longer be in contact as you are bombarding me with texts which are unnecessary, unwanted and inappropriate.

Then block.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/01/2023 18:22

He sounds insane.

"Name, do you realise you sent me 72 texts yesterday? I'm afraid I can't handle that kind of thing at all so let's just leave it there, ok?"

Then block him.

Original poster
Meltedcheeses · 29/01/2023 18:34

Oh God...well you sound unanimous.

I think before blocking I must try and make clear it's unwelcome.

He is very eccentric and it's not inconceivable he may be autistic or even have early onset dementia (in his 60s) and so it is possible that for some reason he doesn't recognise this as inappropriate.

OP posts:
ramanw · 30/01/2023 11:42

Oh god, that is so awkward.

I don't even know what I'd say back to that. You could be honest and just ask if he could back off a bit with the messages.

I'm a people pleaser though so would either make up a lie saying your partner (or make one up) isn't happy about the amount of messages you are getting from him and that you might need to text a bit less ooor I would just only message back at the end of the day saying you were busy.

I'm not sure my advice there was great but that's what I would do. Or I'd get pissed off eventually and snap and ask him to stop messaging.

Awkward for you though as he's helping you get interviews etc. probably should cut it off though.

Mmmmdanone · 30/01/2023 11:58

I had a similar situation with neighbour. He just didn't take the hint and actually came to my door to ask why I was ignoring him. He lives with his partner ffs! I just told him it wasn't appropriate. I think he still thinks I enjoyed his flirty texting though as I didn't just tell him to fuck off. This was after he had done a couple of helpful things for me around the house so similar to your situation in some respects.

newnamethanks · 30/01/2023 11:59

Oh ffs.

GoldenCupidon · 30/01/2023 12:03

I'd give one opportunity in case he is ND and needs this spelt out.

"Hi Dave, thanks so much for all the help you've given me so far. I truly appreciate it. However I've decided to take some time to think about my future career options. I also do find it a bit overwhelming to get so many messages, and would appreciate it if we could keep things on a more businesslike footing in future. I realise that you've only been trying to help but I need to stand on my own two feet about this next stage of my career. I'll look forward to seeing you and Mrs Dave at X event. Best wishes, OP"

wildseas · 30/01/2023 12:04

If you genuinely think that he might be confused about the boundaries here then I think that you need to be very clear and see how he responds.

”please would you mind stopping texting me so much? It’s kind that you are helping me but I need time to focus and this is too much. “

AmandaHoldensLips · 30/01/2023 12:22

"Hi Dave. You sent me 72 text messages yesterday. You realise that is weird and creepy, right? I'm going to stop texting now. Take care."

Chowtime · 30/01/2023 12:26

Just ask him not to. By phone, or face to face. Not by text.

Original poster
Meltedcheeses · 31/01/2023 14:18

I woke up yesterday to three lengthy texts from one of which asked if we could meet later that day (ie Monday. I'd already met him on Thursday!).

I said "Hi Dave. I must ask you to text me a lot less frequently. It is overwhelming. I tend to text friends and family with 2-4 messages a week.

He replied to say sorry and that he thought his texts were helpful.

I said I knew he was trying to be helpful and that 2 to 4 texts a week would be helpful.

Have now had over 24 hours of peace.

This is after several weeks of these texts. I also have four job interviews this week and am so glad I don't have to prepare for them whilst fending off these constant messages!

Thanks for the support

OP posts:
HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 31/01/2023 14:20

He sounds utterly unhinged. Block him! He doesn't have your address does he? What on EARTH is he talking about if he is sending 72 texts a DAY?! Shock I don't send that many in a year - to ANYONE.

Original poster
Meltedcheeses · 31/01/2023 14:37

I know. It was insane. And wanting to meet daily for drinks. Exhausting.

He'd text about all kinds of things....ideas for businesses he wanted to set up (he set up and sold several businesses in the past), what He'd been doing at work, the fact he was going for a walk, screengrabs of his LinkedIn posts with a commentary on what was going through his head when he wrote the. ...all innocuous but I wasn't interested in these topics and they would start at 7.30am and continue through the day!

I've known him only about 4 or 5 weeks and the texts were getting to be more and more....He'd also request phonecalls.

I'd have been perfectly happy to meet up once a month and have the occassional text. He's interesting and actually face to face is not pushy in nature and has some interesting stories

I have never inspired this sort of behaviour before lol......

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltedcheeses · 31/01/2023 16:04

FFS now he has emailed a massive email saying he would welcome us meeting soon and sending a link to a job not in my field and offering to chase up another company.

So he's just gone from text to email

I'm going to say I've gone to stay on my relatives farm which has no Internet.

FFS.

OP posts:
GoldenCupidon · 31/01/2023 17:48

Just don't reply, you can redirect his emails to the junk mail if you want.

Cherrysoup · 31/01/2023 17:53

Meltedcheeses · 31/01/2023 16:04

FFS now he has emailed a massive email saying he would welcome us meeting soon and sending a link to a job not in my field and offering to chase up another company.

So he's just gone from text to email

I'm going to say I've gone to stay on my relatives farm which has no Internet.

FFS.

Don't do that, just tell him to stop contacting you full stop. If you've had 4 interviews, do you even need to stay in touch?

JimDixon · 31/01/2023 17:54

Could he be manic and in an upswing?

Overgrowngrasslady · 31/01/2023 17:55

Oh god you’ve your very own stalker. He’s been sitting thinking if I can’t text her, how can I contact her and he’s thought well she didn’t say don’t email

id respond and say thanks for your help, I’ve got it from here. My partner and I are working together on it now.