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Original poster

All this talk of over 50s returning to work has made me so down

209 replies

OneFrenchEgg · 28/01/2023 18:42

I'm just over 50. I've had kids who are still at home, and I've never got to a well paid career yet but I'm trying. I don't have a pension to speak of. I want to save up and get some treatment as I'm so embarrassed (my whole life) by one part of my face.
But all today the radio had a phone in about people being encouraged to leave the financial and emotional comfort of their 50s and go back to work, and how they are enjoying having no mortgage etc or looking after grandchildren and maybe they could do a little pocket money job now they are too old to chase a proper job again.

I feel like I'm suddenly too old and I didn't realise. Like I've been dealing with life and it's run out. I still have a huge amount left on the mortgage. I feel like I've done life wrong. I'm so surprised at how much this has knocked me - is anyone else feeling the same?

OP posts:
Blufelt · 28/01/2023 18:47

I feel the same. Like they’re saying everyone is in a comfortable retired spot by 50s, should have paid off their mortgage and just be doing a little pocket money job, possibly even have grandkids. Career is over, life is over, striving to succeed is over.

When I turn 50 my youngest child will still be in primary school, I definitely won’t be retired for another 20 years, and I couldn’t afford a house till I was 35 so my mortgage is until 65. I was thinking that 70 was “old retired person who looks after grandkids”. Not 50. Not me. Not yet. It’s upsetting.

LindorDoubleChoc · 28/01/2023 18:49

Everyone I know is well over 50, most are around 60. The only people I know who are retired is my older brother (65) and DH's best mate who retired at maybe 57 from a job he had been in since 23 with a very generous pension. And he still does freelance work.

Everyone else I know in their 50s and up to mid 60s works, it's completely normal. And I only know one person of my generation who became a grand parent before they were 60 too. Think it depends on where you live and your living costs a great deal, tbh.

I think the idea of retiring in your 50s is faintly ludicrous tbh. Way to make yourself older!

PotKettel · 28/01/2023 18:51

I don’t know any women in their 50s pottering around looking after grandkids with no financial cares at all. To have grandkids in your 50s these days means you AND your child had kids below the average age of motherhood. And to have no financial worries means being very rich; many woman who are dependent on a man’s income, and a man’s pension DOES have financial worries because vulnerable if the man gets fed up and leaves.

Ignore the radio show, sounds like irrelevant nonsense

AnyFucker · 28/01/2023 18:58

To have grandkids in your 50s these days means you AND your child had kids below the average age of motherhood

You have your maths wrong. I have a 2yo grandchild in my 50’s. I was 30 when I had my daughter and she was 25 when she had hers. Hardly gymslip mums.

I am retired and do not rely on a man. It’s the other way round, if anything (from a financially secure perspective).

Not everyone is in a fantastic position in their 50’s, but making untrue generalisations to make yourself feel better is not the answer

megletthesecond · 28/01/2023 19:01

Same. I've never even had a career and wonder if I can cobble together something when my kids go to Uni in a few years. I'll have to up my house to full time when my youngest leaves school. (She has MH struggles so I'm still PT).

devildeepbluesea · 28/01/2023 19:04

I’m nearly 50, single and have a DD in Yr5.

I’ll be working for decades yet. Part time eventually, sure, but still working. Tbh that doesn’t bother me. I like working.

thetrees · 28/01/2023 19:06

I'm in the same boat, it's far harder to retire in your fifties than it was twenty years ago

Cath667 · 28/01/2023 19:07

I'm in my 50s OP. I'm working full time and quite honestly I don't feel ready to give up work even if I could afford to. The only people my age I know who have retired are people in professions where they get a pension at a young age such as police. I'll be working for years.

Starlightstarbright1 · 28/01/2023 19:11

I am in low 50's.. in a trainee position.. although nearly qualified.

I would live to just work for pocket money 🙄

Catingle · 28/01/2023 19:11

AnyFucker · 28/01/2023 18:58

To have grandkids in your 50s these days means you AND your child had kids below the average age of motherhood

You have your maths wrong. I have a 2yo grandchild in my 50’s. I was 30 when I had my daughter and she was 25 when she had hers. Hardly gymslip mums.

I am retired and do not rely on a man. It’s the other way round, if anything (from a financially secure perspective).

Not everyone is in a fantastic position in their 50’s, but making untrue generalisations to make yourself feel better is not the answer

The average age of becoming a grandparent is 63.
The average age of paying off your mortgage is 57-59.
The average age of retirement is 65.

So yeah, you are somewhat unusually young to be a retired, mortgage free grandparent.

And OP hope those stats give you some reassurance.

Ilikewinter · 28/01/2023 19:13

I dont know anyone in their 50's who have or could even think about retiring - apart from my mum and dad. Mum at 69 and dad at 68 but hes still working on odd jobs when he feels like it!

museumum · 28/01/2023 19:13

My ds will be 13 when I’m 50 and if he wants to go to uni I’ll be 55-59 while trying to support him as well as us and saving for retirement. I’ll be needing to earn the most I’ve ever earned in my 50s.

blobby10 · 28/01/2023 19:18

I’m nearly 54, divorced mum of 3 young adults (in their 20s) none of whom have their own homes so calmly house home. My mortgage won’t be paid off for another 13 years and I have virtually no savings . Can’t see myself ever being able to afford to give up work- I have a pension scheme but it won’t pay much x

I too feel like I’ve done life wrong - really though I would be contentedly married , welcoming grandchildren and winding down by now

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/01/2023 19:19

Oh thank you, I came back to this after sorting out a cupboard full of crap that my kids 'need' - very nice of people to post reassuringly and I'm glad others are feeling like there is lots of active life yet. I think it was based on some announcement about tempting them back which I sort of registered but didn't really 'get' and then the talk show was on today while I was cleaning so it went on for a bit.

OP posts:
RudsyFarmer · 28/01/2023 19:19

I don’t honestly know where they’ve got this idea. DP and i still have 14 years left on the mortgage and we’re 50. No hope of retirement here.

Who are all these 50 years old who no longer work? Out of the people I know only one couple are in this situation.

HyacinthBridgerton · 28/01/2023 19:23

My dad is in his late 50s (eldest grandchild is 11.) He's been retired 18 months with an incredibly decent pension. Him and my mum have around £45k pa income from their private pensions alone. This will obviously rise again in another 8 years or so when they hit state retirement age.

The things which have helped this are - getting on property ladder young, living in the Midlands - or just not in the South East, none of us kids having been to uni (all financially pretty independent, apart from discretionary gifts and childcare, since 18) and starting work themselves at 16. And the big ones - they're both healthy, and there are no second marriages / blended families (I think this is the single factor most likely to scupper retirement and especially for women). None of these have been huge shrewd financial decisions - they are savvy but also incredibly lucky.

They are very rare tbh. They are very fortunate to have retired with such a good income and spend about 2-3 days a week each volunteering for various causes. Why the hell would they go back to work?

LindorDoubleChoc · 28/01/2023 19:23

Ah those wonderful public sector jobs that are so badly paid and yet come with such generous pensions.

YukoandHiro · 28/01/2023 19:26

My other half is in his 50s and we have a 2 year old and a massive mortgage.

Just switch it off if it upsets you. There is a massive cohort who can afford to retire at 50 but it's nobody I know! Lots were in industries designed for early retirement eg police, fire fighter etc where your expect to claim your pension by 55 latest

AutumnCrow · 28/01/2023 19:27

OneFrenchEgg · 28/01/2023 19:19

Oh thank you, I came back to this after sorting out a cupboard full of crap that my kids 'need' - very nice of people to post reassuringly and I'm glad others are feeling like there is lots of active life yet. I think it was based on some announcement about tempting them back which I sort of registered but didn't really 'get' and then the talk show was on today while I was cleaning so it went on for a bit.

I honestly thought that Jeremy Hunt's away with the fairies when I read about this.

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/01/2023 19:29

YukoandHiro · 28/01/2023 19:26

My other half is in his 50s and we have a 2 year old and a massive mortgage.

Just switch it off if it upsets you. There is a massive cohort who can afford to retire at 50 but it's nobody I know! Lots were in industries designed for early retirement eg police, fire fighter etc where your expect to claim your pension by 55 latest

I should do this really, then I worry I'm burying my head in the sand and not facing things I don't like. But it's nice to post and feel a bit less alone with my fears/ disappointment tbh.

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 28/01/2023 19:29

Stop worrying about what other people are doing and what the government is saying and do what's right for you.

I kept an unhappy marriage at 40, expected to be flying in every part of my life. To cut a long story short, life threw me a lot of curve balls.

I have just started my own business at the age of 47 (and a quarter). It will take some time to make my income what I want so I've just accepted a casual evening/weekend role to top up the coffers...I have a daughter heading to uni this year and 20 years left on my mortgage!

I'm building a career that works for me, based on my needs and wants, not what some Tory prick is telling me or what my friends have...and despite the challenges I couldn't be happier!

MintyCedric · 28/01/2023 19:30

left an unhappy marriage!

coffeeginandkindness · 28/01/2023 19:31

I am generally depressed about this too

UserNameSameGame · 28/01/2023 19:31

I think probably the radio show had neglected to do any research.

And this from @museumum really resonates with me ”I’ll be 55-59 while trying to support him as well as us and saving for retirement. I’ll be needing to earn the most I’ve ever earned in my 50s.” particularly when I found out my employer has mandatory retirement at age 60 for certain roles 😱

MrsMikeDrop · 28/01/2023 19:31

AnyFucker · 28/01/2023 18:58

To have grandkids in your 50s these days means you AND your child had kids below the average age of motherhood

You have your maths wrong. I have a 2yo grandchild in my 50’s. I was 30 when I had my daughter and she was 25 when she had hers. Hardly gymslip mums.

I am retired and do not rely on a man. It’s the other way round, if anything (from a financially secure perspective).

Not everyone is in a fantastic position in their 50’s, but making untrue generalisations to make yourself feel better is not the answer

But 25 is very young to have children. When I was 25 I had just started my first job and fresh out of university. I was thinking about travelling etc not settling down and having children. This also goes with most of my friends who are in their 50s now. I can only think of one who has step grandchildren (and although she's 52, her husband is 62)