Do all kids thrive at private schools?

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DD (5), currently at a state primary in YR has received an offer from a (fairly) academic prep starting at Year 1.

She is bright as in she learns quickly, is curious about the world, her reading is coming along although it's slower than I hoped (checking her eyes soon), she likes maths games. However, she is a bit dreamy. She has a wild imagination, she loves writing and is a bit quirky. She does have lots of friends but ever since she started school she is a bit in her own little world and not too interested in meeting her friends outside school, although she does get invited on playdates.

She does like her current school but I feel she is getting lost among all the noise in the classroom as it's all mainly play based and she finds the children even at quieter times a bit shouty (when they do phonics for instance). I think she has slight sensory issues about noise (and I do too). Hence moving her to a private school with small classes and less behavioural issues.

I'm not sure really how academic she is. I'm from a different country and we start school at 6/7. When I hear people talking about 'academic' children at 4, 5 I'm not quite sure what they mean. Can you really tell that from such a young age?

Also the private prep school told us when we visited the school the first time that if the children are not academic enough they'll struggle and that's going to impact their confidence. Which is fair enough.

My question is now, do all kids thrive at private schools? I can't quite see where DD is compared to other kids really as I think they are all so different and I do worry that she may not be able to cope?! But again, it's too early to assess that.

It is cookery.

I would guess some of the issues with private schools that people are raising are more a problem at secondary level. On the flipside, the potential of excessive academic pressure at primary would be a concern for me. The comment about impacted confidence would ring alarm bells, I'm afraid, as it seems to indicate a casual acceptance or even assumption on the part of the school that not academic enough = struggling and impacted confidence, rather than an emphasis on working to support these children.

From experience, small classes don't always = differentiation, nor necessarily calm environments (going through this currently with dd in an 18-pupil class at a small non-state school; not in UK and while 'private' is technically correct it gives the wrong impression in a UK context).

Overall, I think, don't think 'state/private school', think 'this school'.

Perhaps says more about the people you know than their schools though and most likely would have happened at a state school they attended too.

The reality is you can't generalise with schools nor people.

OP your child sounds exactly like the type of child who does well at independent school and struggles by mid-primary in State. My child is very similar to yours and has blossomed at private after being crushed and ignored in State.

To answer your question not all children do well in private. Children whose parents don’t help them learn away from school, or don’t discipline them at home, can do better at State. Bullies in particular may thrive in State.

Definitely move her.

The big issue with private schools for people in Britain is that they are for rich people and children from supportive families. Those who don't fall into those categories are not going to be able to make the most of the opportunities offered and will be constantly made to feel like failures because of it, even though it is not their fault. They most likely won't fit in socially with the other kids. If it's an academic school as well it may be pointed towards academic learning rather than any form of directly useful and vocational work, and many of the staff will have little understanding of the limitations imposed by lack of wealth. Academic professions are not really open to such children, and there may not be much guidance in regards to useful career directions. And given the appalling and increasing cost of living in the UK, useful career directions are a must. If you are looking at primary rather than secondary, behaviour is less of an issue: but so perhaps are the concerns about future careers.

Only you can decide where you fall in the UK's class and economic system, and what chances your kids have/ need to have in the future.

many of the staff will have little understanding of the limitations imposed by lack of wealth

You know most teachers in private schools are paid not much differently to state schools? Heading to the very top - Eton College - and their average teacher salary is 26% more than the national average. Though it isn’t clear if that reflects level of experience. But most private schools pay pretty much the same as states schools. I think they will be very aware of the limitations imposed by lack of wealth.

Of course not. Don't buy into British social insecurity/aspirationalism masquerading as concern for their children's education.

When DD had her taster day, at Phonics they taught the girls (it's a girls school) a digraph which DD was taught at state primary almost 2 weeks before. They seem to follow the same phonics scheme. So not really pushing the girls too hard at this point but take their time to consolidate the learning before they go further, which I was pleased about.

At the state primary they are flying through the phonics at the speed of light, but there is very little consolidation of that learning. There are days when they do no reading practice at school, no writing, and we have to push for that at home, which of course is fine but not always easy. I do feel I have no idea where my child is supposed to be and what the expectations are of parents in terms of supporting the children. Feedback is scarce, the school diary is mostly blank. My DD comes home sometimes saying there weren't enough teachers today so we couldn't do reading. I know they have staffing issues.

Evidence shows that girls do better in small classes, and a single sex environment. That is more likely to be a private school. But it needs to be the right school, so you need to look at it from the standpoint of whether or not you think this particular school is right for your particular child, rather than focus on state vs private.

@Hoppinggreen how difficult was the 11+ moving from state to that?

If you can afford it , do it. Latest evidence on uk state education is NOT GOOD

DD1 has just started Year 1 at a girls prep school. She is definitely thriving at school. The phonics and maths schemes are probably no different from a state primary, but they have smaller classes and more teaching assistants (including 2 additional TAs who come in specifically to support English lessons, on top of the ft TA), and daily reading and a full set of resources so it's implemented more carefully. They have lots of enrichment and specialist teachers in subjects like music, computing, PE, ballet, art, drama. And they will cover prep for 11+ (mostly for private secondary schools, we have some grammars but they are quite far so not many choose them). It's just a lovely environment and very friendly with a strong focus on pastoral care.

I think if your DD was happy with the taster day and the school have offered a place, she is perfectly capable of accessing an academic curriculum. My DD isn't a top flight academic child but she's comfortably above average and conscientious and hard-working, but can be shy so she would get overlooked in a state primary. She'd bumble along meeting targets and not being disruptive, but she wouldn't really thrive because there aren't the resources available and there are dc who need to have more attention focused on them (school funding and staffing in state schools are at a crisis point these days, even in the most outstanding schools).

I went to a private school in the 90s and early 2000s and the education I received was shocking. My parents ended up moving me to a different school in year 9 but my education was at a year 7 level.

Not all private schools are good schools but a lot of top schools are private schools. It's just about finding the right one.

I can relate to everything you said. We moved DD to the private prep in Summer term at Reception, she's in Y1 now. She's just so happy, she absolutely loves her new school. It sounds very much like the school your DD goes to.

She's engaging in the class now, shc's comfortably above average in the class and the biggest difference we noticed is her behaviour when she comes back from school.

She used to come home stressed, constantly talking about the bad behaviour in the class and who was told off and who did what. Now she's coming home so happy and calm and stimulated, she's like a different child.

There is tremendous variation in what individual schools offer and aim for and this is even more true of the private sector than it is of the state schools.

Private schools can be very sporty or very academic but are often not both. Academic expectations are a difficult thing to interpret. Our DC was at a private school for 4 years. He was and is very bright but never achieved his potential or popularity there. I would have described him as quirky back then but the moment he stepped out into a state school he fitted in and was happy. The private school liked the pupils to be a particular sort of personality. I’m afraid I have to describe it this way - a herdable sheep, compliant in exact ways that don’t accommodate large or small personalities, middle of the road in personality and intellect, interested in and mostly good at sport. One huge focus was on independence and self care. Being able to move around a huge school carrying a huge bag, tying a tie age 7 - all that mattered more than maths etc. Basically we chose the wrong place. Of course that can happen in a state school, but the reasons are generally different.

My son didn't, it was single sex and I removed him for secondary provision into an outstanding comp. To be fair, my son hated school from start to finish. He loved his teachers and they him, he's an avid learner but he hated the structure of school. He just gritted his teeth.

I think he thrived emotionally and socially at secondary school though, and don't believe he would have flourished the same if he'd stayed in the private sector.

The outcome is very much personality driven I think.

If finance is not a problem then I would say do it. I chose private for my kids for several reasons, small class sizes, less behavioural problems, more pastoral care, and much better facilities and equipment.