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Original poster

Does anyone else’s MIL do this?

73 replies

Led92 · 27/01/2023 14:46

My MIL makes conversations all about her. I’m so tired of it I just don’t bother talking much anymore which is a bit awkward.

If I say “oh dd is swimming without armbands now” I either get a download of how her other dgc progressed through swimming badges or another telling of the story that she never learned to swim.

A neighbour slipped and broke her wrist when she came home from hospital MiL just started going on about how slippery her patio is and how she fell and had to get husband to lift her up. Didn’t ask her anything about her wrist or hospital stay.

I expect in conversations a bit of give and take like maybe asking me about things I talk about so if a I say “oh it’s really sad friends Dad passed away this week.” Then “Oh no what happened are they okay?” Rather than launching into a monologue about how her health.

I don’t think she has a lot of company as her husband isn’t a talker and she doesn’t work much but I find it really strange she doesn’t really do 2 way conversations she just looks for an opportunity to talk about herself.

It’s really weird and I don’t know how to have a chat without her launching into a self obsessed monologue. I do ask her about herself of course but this is every point of conversation. I call it ‘competitive anecdotes.’

DH has noticed it but again she doesn’t really chat to him he’s not that talkative.

OP posts:

Sootybear · 27/01/2023 19:03

One of my best friends is like this, but I don't actually mind as I don't expect her to change. Plus her anecdotes are usually hilarious. She is autistic so it's just something she does. It did use to upset me a bit but I've got other friends I can talk about me to, so I've come to accept. It's just how some people are.

comfortablylesslumpy · 27/01/2023 19:43

I have a family member who does this. It used to drive my Mum potty, I have learned to just shut up and listen.

It is a one sided conversation but she isn't going to change. Whatever you have done, she's done it, Whatever illness someone has, she has had it and far worse. Whwtever your kids have done, her kids and grandkids have done it x 10. It's rather Elevenerife.

I love her to bits but it is so annoying!

HeadNorth · 27/01/2023 19:55

My MIL is like this. It is not an age thing - I’ve known her over 30 years and she has always monologued relentlessly. Her own children just walk out the room when she is speaking, but she will follow you about the house so there is no escape. If you go to the bathroom she will keep talking to you through the door. She is like a verbal terminator, she will not stop telling the same tired tales we’ve all heard a zillion times, begging for mercy wouldn’t stop her, she just keeps talking and talking and talking. She is undoubtedly on the spectrum, but so what? Knowing that doesn’t make her shut up.

BunchHarman · 27/01/2023 19:59

Actually, my best friend does it to a degree. She doesn’t really listen to a thing you say, you really have to work to get her to hear it. It’s a weird habit/trait. I’ve known her my whole life so I only recently noticed it. She’s not always like it though, she occasionally goes completely the other way where she only wants to hear about/talk about you.

Cats4life · 27/01/2023 20:10

My dad is like this. Lives in his own world and doesnt have a clue about making a basic convo with someone. It's all about him or topics he finds interesting or topics he can control.... I honestly think hes extremely lonely and a bit depressed

Original poster

Led92 · 27/01/2023 20:14

HeadNorth · 27/01/2023 19:55

Haha yup!
i’m like “I’m going on a walk” and she says I’ll come too! Then just talks at you.

OP posts:

AliasGrape · 27/01/2023 20:19

BOTH of my in laws are like this.

FIL follows me round the house telling me the same stuff on repeat about his few specific areas of interest (dogs he has encountered whilst out and about, reports from his monitoring of a webcam in a random seaside town which, until recently, he hasn’t visited for more than ten years, things that happened at his old school with particular reference to the glasswear used in the dinner hall).

MIL does at least ask the odd question and attempt to take an interest but guaranteed pretty much every single conversation starter will eventually find its way back to one of about six anecdotes. Sometimes it makes some kind of sense - e.g. you mention something work related and get the ’when I worked at X firm and they messed up the Y so I had to sort it out’ anecdote. Other times it’s totally random and you don’t know how you got there - I’ll say that DD really enjoyed an activity and somehow find myself in the middle of the tale of MIL moving house (40 years ago) and her MIL was supposed to help but she was really late.

They both mean well but it can be bloody hard work sometimes.

WickedSerious · 27/01/2023 20:23

Hakunamytatas · 27/01/2023 16:37

Yes mil is 100% like this but I actually think what my mum does is worse. She'll ask you about yourself but clearly has 0 interest in the answer, she asks because she thinks she should do. Drives me mad, you'll start answering and then she'll just start talking about something else as she's done her polite bit by asking.

My partner's mother does this,she thinks she's being polite by showing an interest but you could say absolutely anything in response to her because she's tuned out before you open your mouth.

Original poster

Led92 · 27/01/2023 20:26

can you imagine being on a holiday or something and always stuck with people like that at dinner time! Nightmare!

OP posts:

Lucylock · 27/01/2023 20:26

My mum does this. My sister and I call it the Me, Myself and I syndrome. It's almost a talent to be admired as she can turn any situation into a monologue about her. It means I don't call her as much as don't share as much as I might otherwise. Not the end of the world.

Original poster

Led92 · 27/01/2023 20:30

Feels like I’m in a real life Alan Bennet drama sometimes!

OP posts:

Summerfun54321 · 27/01/2023 20:32

It's not a MIL or an age thing it's a personality thing, although I do think retirement or a bit of social isolation makes it worse.

BettyOBarley · 27/01/2023 20:41

My mum has started doing this in the last few years, she never used to be like that.
I feel like she doesn't really listen or take in anything I'm saying.
Eg I'll say I'm not feeling great today, think I'm getting a cold and she'll say oh I'm fine.
Or if I said we went to a really nice cafe today she won't ask where/who with or anything she'll just say we didn't, we went to xyz.
It's a bit bizarre really!

BettyOBarley · 27/01/2023 20:43

WickedSerious · 27/01/2023 20:23

My partner's mother does this,she thinks she's being polite by showing an interest but you could say absolutely anything in response to her because she's tuned out before you open your mouth.

Show quote history

Ha yes, my MIL does this. Asks me or DH a question and as we start to answer she'll strike up another conversation with the kids... 🤣

Fairyliz · 27/01/2023 20:44

Tbh I think most people are like this nowadays. I have been carrying out a social experiment for the last six months where I am pleasant and polite to people and ask about their life, but never ever mention anything about my life.
It’s actually quite sad how rarely anyone ever asks me anything.
Eg it’s January now and not a single person has asked me if I had a nice Christmas, despite me asking everyone I met.
I’m sure I could work for MI5 or one of the spy services and wheedle out everyone’s secrets.

sqirrelfriends · 27/01/2023 20:46

Mil does this. She’s a genuinely lovely person that just loves to talk about herself.

I do find myself getting frustrated, especially when interrupted but I know she’s not about to change so I just accept it.

WickedSerious · 27/01/2023 20:49

BettyOBarley · 27/01/2023 20:43

Ha yes, my MIL does this. Asks me or DH a question and as we start to answer she'll strike up another conversation with the kids... 🤣

Show quote history

Next time she asks me how our next door neighbour is I'm going to tell her he was eaten by a pack of dogs on his way to pick up his daughter from daycare.

keeprunning55 · 27/01/2023 21:05

After our wedding and honeymoon, apart from asking me why my dress kept falling down at my wedding-it didn’t, we had to watch a two hour long video of her cruise around Russia. Nothing was asked about our honeymoon/wedding. That is just one example of her interaction.
Goodness knows why mil’s do this. They miss out on so much.

Moneypenny007 · 27/01/2023 21:49

Yup every conversion is about her. My emcs wasn't anywhere as bad as her planned hysterectomy. Basically everything u say she has a story for. I don't bother now and tbh with her narc tendencies I avoid her as much as possible. She has zero interest in the kids and expects them to sit and listen to her crying about how bad her life is.

My teenager avoids her completely now.

If the conversation is not about her or her woe it's not worth discussing.

I've had too many run ins with her now over her complete dismissal of my feelings or whatever that it's just better to back away and leave her to it.
Soon she will be left with no one because most of her kids live away except us and her other son and his plan is to move out ASAP.

Laiste · 27/01/2023 22:26

Same here. Have we all got the same MIL?! 😂
(My DM is a PITA as well in a slightly different way - for balance)

Re: the Grandchildren thing.
It is really bloody annoying when every bit of news you tell them is immediately turned around to being about the other grandkids. And if that isn't possible, make it about one of her own children (DHs siblings) usually SIL, who has done everything known to man to Champion Of The World level or definitely could have if she'd have only persued it ..... 🙄

Failing those two it becomes about her.

And then the ''didn't I [FIL name]?'' - and the elbowing - ''Didn't I? Do you remember?''
and the weary ''yes dear'' from FIL
😂

madroid · 27/01/2023 22:33

This thread is so depressing and negative.

Honestly, if you said to your MILs what you say on here it sounds like your relationships with them could hardly be worse.

Laiste · 27/01/2023 22:40

But we don't say it. We get it off our chests here 😃

There's nothing wrong with sharing a good moan. Nothing depressing about it. Unless you think you might be guilty of it yourself. I've made a mental note - if/when my 4 DCS start having their own kids - not to constantly bring the convo round to their nieces an nephews.

Delectable · 27/01/2023 23:39

MILs are characters, the worse thing is having a step-MIL who affects your marriage negatively. So if she's not antagonising you or your marriage bear with her and try to nudge her to allow space for input.

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