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Original poster

Does anyone else’s MIL do this?

73 replies

Led92 · 27/01/2023 14:46

My MIL makes conversations all about her. I’m so tired of it I just don’t bother talking much anymore which is a bit awkward.

If I say “oh dd is swimming without armbands now” I either get a download of how her other dgc progressed through swimming badges or another telling of the story that she never learned to swim.

A neighbour slipped and broke her wrist when she came home from hospital MiL just started going on about how slippery her patio is and how she fell and had to get husband to lift her up. Didn’t ask her anything about her wrist or hospital stay.

I expect in conversations a bit of give and take like maybe asking me about things I talk about so if a I say “oh it’s really sad friends Dad passed away this week.” Then “Oh no what happened are they okay?” Rather than launching into a monologue about how her health.

I don’t think she has a lot of company as her husband isn’t a talker and she doesn’t work much but I find it really strange she doesn’t really do 2 way conversations she just looks for an opportunity to talk about herself.

It’s really weird and I don’t know how to have a chat without her launching into a self obsessed monologue. I do ask her about herself of course but this is every point of conversation. I call it ‘competitive anecdotes.’

DH has noticed it but again she doesn’t really chat to him he’s not that talkative.

OP posts:
Original poster
Led92 · 27/01/2023 16:03

Sorry wrong quote! Was in response to why mil though!

OP posts:
Original poster
Led92 · 27/01/2023 16:04

And yes in each of my pregnancies and births I just got her birth stories over and over!

OP posts:
Minibea · 27/01/2023 16:09

Led92 · 27/01/2023 16:04

And yes in each of my pregnancies and births I just got her birth stories over and over!

Ha, this rings true too! “When I had mine I stayed in for 10 days and the midwives took the babies off at night to give the mums a break”. That’s great, but it was nearly 40 years ago and I’m 5 days post-partum and totally fucking exhausted so not really sure why you’re telling me this 😬

ilovebagpuss · 27/01/2023 16:12

Yes MIL in 70's non talking DH so she misses someone to talk at. If I mention a memory from childhood with mum about seeing a show or something she never asks anything to let me talk or be interested. Its always straight on to her linked memories or whatever topic but then i get 15 minutes of her story.
Try again and it's the same with whatever topic i dont get to share anything.
I just let her monologue at me. Shes lovely but she just talks and talks.

Andsoforth · 27/01/2023 16:21

Why is the question about mils who do this rather than people who do this?

Cakeandcardio · 27/01/2023 16:23

Hi OP 🙋🏻‍♀️ I have one of those! Although mine doesn't always talk about herself exactly, just talks about something she wants to speak about. A couple of months ago we had been on holiday to a lovely place in Scotland. I was talking about it and saying how pretty it was. MIL's reply was how her own daughter loves another place in Scotland. Not anywhere near where we went. She does this all the time and I find it infuriating but I usually just stop talking. Not much you can do to change people

byvirtue · 27/01/2023 16:29

My MIL is in her 70s and exactly the same. I’ve given up having a conversation and just nod and add various words usually in sympathy as she retells the same story for the 100th time or tells me about all her health concerns/health appointment. I honestly dread spending time with her it’s so painful.

BunchHarman · 27/01/2023 16:29

She's gone her entire life not learning the social skill of having a genuinely empathetic conversation with another human being. She's not about to learn it now

Yep. It’s sadly, really common.

SchoolTripDrama · 27/01/2023 16:29

EyesOnThePies · 27/01/2023 15:59

What the hell does it have to do with being a MIL, though? A mother, sister, cousin, friend….and even male people can be tiresome in this way.

OP is just asking for advice on how to navigate having a MIL who behaves like this. 😳 Can you really not figure this out????

Original poster
Led92 · 27/01/2023 16:30

Andsoforth · 27/01/2023 16:21

Why is the question about mils who do this rather than people who do this?

As previous it’s just that it’s my mil that does this.
Could've phrased it ‘so you know anyone who does this’ I just didn’t! 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Hakunamytatas · 27/01/2023 16:37

Yes mil is 100% like this but I actually think what my mum does is worse. She'll ask you about yourself but clearly has 0 interest in the answer, she asks because she thinks she should do. Drives me mad, you'll start answering and then she'll just start talking about something else as she's done her polite bit by asking.

pocketvenuss · 27/01/2023 16:38

You've turned this into a MIL thing. It's not. It's a thing many people, especially older people do

Original poster
Led92 · 27/01/2023 16:39

pocketvenuss · 27/01/2023 16:38

You've turned this into a MIL thing. It's not. It's a thing many people, especially older people do

Sorry… Didn’t mean to… but it’s only my mil I’ve come across that does it!

OP posts:
stayathomer · 27/01/2023 16:39

I know so many people who do this and told dh and realised he was trying not to smirk
Me:what?
Him:You make most things about you/us/the kids

and actually he’s so right! I totally do!!!!

Justleaveitblankthen · 27/01/2023 16:48

I think it's relevant to the thread that you mention she is your MIL. Other people who do this can be let go eventually. With a MIL it's not possible. She should at least show an interest in her DGC anyway!

I dropped a friend through this.
I could spend an entire day with her and she still would not know if I had got married/divorced/had several kids/moved house.. because she didn't stop talking for long enough for me to shoehorn a sentence in to her monologue 😂

The point is also that she would not have cared..
Unless it reminded her of yet another event to regale me with.
I also have a sibling with the same condition.

smileladiesplease · 27/01/2023 16:49

I didn't think it's an age thing really just some people are like this by nature but get worse with age.

Smile and nod op smile and nod. You won't change her complete waste of your time.

Norachance · 27/01/2023 17:19

I remember coincidentally whenever my mil (we used to live with her) and her Two friends were sitting chatting together, I would be thinking omg why are they always talking about giving birth 30 years ago or how they did this that or the other so many years ago. Looking back I think they just wanted to show that they weren't invisible- they had done things or as a pp said to feel relevant.

Now I am older I think I sometimes do it too but my three colleagues also do it so maybe I have just become conditioned 😬.

ItsaMetalBand · 27/01/2023 17:19

My mother is like this. Everything is about her. If I'm ill with something it becomes about The Time She Nearly Died From The Thing. If it's something she's actually never experienced, it becomes about How She Couldn't Sleep For Worrying About MetalBand's illness And Its Affecting Her Blood Pressure.

I tell her fuck all now. She asks how you are, hows the family and you get about three-quarters of a sentence in before she interrupts you anyway.

It's not an age thing, she's done this since I was a child.

RudsyFarmer · 27/01/2023 17:22

If I say “oh dd is swimming without armbands now” I either get a download of how her other dgc progressed through swimming badges or another telling of the story that she never learned to swim.

Oh fucking yes. Every single time and wow it’s annoying. My kids don’t get to have any praise of acknowledgment of achievement without the other grandchildren being mentioned immediately. How I handle it is either not to mention anything that’s going on or mention it and seethe.

Arseni · 27/01/2023 17:48

Yes, I know a few people like this and sadly, yes, MIL is one of them.

She does it to the kids too though - they haven't said anything but I've also noticed they're not busting to tell her things anymore either...

'Nanny! I've got a new swimming badge!😁' will be met with a long monologue about how she can't swim and absolutely everything to do with swimming and her. 'Nanny - I've gone up a book band at school' ... a massive monologue about the importance of reading and all the books she has read. No great surprise that they keep these things to themselves now!

My friend's mum does it too - she is one of the kindest hearted people so I find it quite odd. I've only really noticed it as I got older - she may have got worse but I also think I've become more conscious of it and actively try not to do it myself (although I'm sure I fail sometimes).

LER83 · 27/01/2023 18:03

God my MIL does this, either makes it about herself, or about SIL who is quite clearly the golden child. She does it with the GC aswel unfortunately. I actually avoid having to see her as it really annoys me! She's in her 60's, still works full time, has lots of friends, active social life and goes on lots of holidays with her dh, so its not because she old/lonely etc. I'm actually wondering if she does it with anyone else or just us. I feel sorry for my dh, as he will mention something he has done/achieved, and she will just go on about how his sister has done this that and the other.

Original poster
Led92 · 27/01/2023 18:21

Has anyone actually pointed it out?
sometimes I feel like saying “well yes but i was talking about x” and just keep doing that until she realises she keeps doing it.
Then I feel like it’s bit harsh!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 27/01/2023 18:23

I know a few people like this.

It drives me bonkers.

The best thing I have done is keep conversations light and weather related, or focused on something else that's really superficial. Or I'll just play the game and ask them about themselves or their new coat/ sandals/ bag / furniture arrangement while trying to stifle yawns.

Calphurnia88 · 27/01/2023 18:34

My parents do it. Unfortunately it's a trait I have too.

Unfortunately, unless you are happy to risk offending her, you might just have to live with it. There are worse traits.

I can't remember why or when it dawned on me that I did it too, but since I did I've made a conscious effort to actively listen and ask questions. It makes for much better conversations!

inky1991 · 27/01/2023 18:47

My best mate is a bit like this, and she's only in her 30s. She's a tiny bit on the ASD spectrum I suppose - or maybe that's the excuse I give her when really she should know better.

It gets a bit tiring, but I've learnt when I keep more quiet she then will start to ask me the odd question about myself. Grin

Maybe just don't make conversation at all and she what your MiL does? I mentioned this same point to my Dad once as he never asked anything about me much (he's also a bit autistic). Since then he'll always make an effort to ask and take an interest. Maybe some people just need to be told and for it to be pointed out. It's obviously an awkward thing to do though.

I find it bizarre how so many people are awful at conversations, generally I find 70% of people just talk about themselves and have no interest in anyone else. I'm 6 months pregnant and went to visit in-laws for Xmas. Not one of DHs 3 adult cousins mentioned anything about me being pregnant at all. It was as if it didn't exist - you'd at least say congrats but people are strange.